Sanctifying September

 Hello readers. September is upon us. Summer is winding down, with Autumn closely at its heels. Change is whipping in the wind and it has already worked quite a number on me the past couple weeks. I don't wish to go into great detail about this time of great and abrupt development in my life, but with the changing of the seasons has come a great change in the season of my life, changes that haven't been the easiest to swallow.

It's been... a refining couple of weeks. I feel parts of me scorched, charred, purged, and purified. And how I hope and pray the pain is worth it.  I've felt moments of revelation, indignation, anger, utter loneliness, bitterness, betrayal, and hopelessness. I've cried far too much.  I've felt as if my heart has been stretched as thin as aged translucent paper, one pull away from ripping beyond repair.

 In turn, I've been blessed more than I could ever dream. I'm surrounded by those who love me, believe in me, and care for my well-being. I have a warm bed to sleep in, food in my belly, and hands to catch me if I fall. Most importantly, I've been given an opportunity to become the person that I want to become in the best manner, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I've been able to go forward with faith in building my life on a sure foundation through the gospel of Jesus Christ. I get the opportunity to really seek him, to know him, and apply his healing balm on the festering wounds of my heart I never thought would heal. I'm finding as I do this, the chains that have bound me for years are slowly starting to fall and I'm able to move forward with a confidence I could not ever possess on my own. It's a hard and difficult process, but the Lord is blessing and sanctifying my feeble, human efforts.

 I am attending institute four days a week and learning of the nature of my Father in Heaven, His son and the incredible atoning sacrifice he made for all, of how I fit in His miraculous plan, and the skills I need to possess to be a righteous wife and mother in the trying days to come. I'm beginning to finally see the principle Thomas S. Monson taught, that" the future is  as bright as your faith." What a marvelous thing to witness.  I know that the Lord will not abandon those who put their trust in his ample arm, especially those who feel like they have no where to turn.  I was really touched by words spoken by  President Henry B. Eyring in April 2012 on the subject. The video posted below has helped me keep some perspective during this unexpected trial and I am so grateful for the strength it has granted me.  May his words help lift you if you are struggling and are unsure of where to go or how to proceed with the days ahead.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is true. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is infinite and intimate and can grant us the strength and courage we couldn't muster on our own. His way is the only way. It shapes us into the sons and daughters we were meant to be and helps make up the difference until we get there.  He will bless us and others as we step forward in faith to do His work upon the earth. May the Lord bless you in your endeavors to draw near unto him,  as he is so richly blessing me.
Until next time, may God bless you and those you love.

Safe Arrival

Well friends. It's official. I am now in New York. Ta-Dah! *fanfare ensues* Crazy, huh? I keep looking around like this is some dream that I'll wake from at any moment. But its real. The wood floors are real, the humidity is real, the rolling green lawns and trees are real, this family, this situation is real. What I'm here to do is real. It's been a battle the whole time getting here. But as I sit here, pinching myself in the wee hours of the morning, I know that this is where I'm supposed to be. And I had better make the most of every moment that I am given. 

THIS is the house that I am living in. I'll be sure to post some pictures soon. This just will give you an idea of what the neighborhood looks like and essentially what the house looks like. Enjoy. I've never really been so happy for a safe arrival. Its strange to think that I'll actually be DOING what I was sent to do this time. I'll keep you posted on what that exactly entails, my first day etc. etc.

 Until then, I'd like to share something with you. Right now I'm reading a book entitled The Alchemist. The book tells the story of a Spanish shepherd boy who sets out to find his dream and the 4 steps all dreamers face. It's incredible, I highly recommend it. I sat there on the plane reading this story and could relate to the steps he'd taken, felt his sorrows, highs and lows, constantly relating my moment to the one he was in. I truly was inspired to pick it up when I did before my plane left from SLC. YAY for tender mercies! Readers, it wasn't easy to get to this point, but I'm discovering that if you wish to really gain a reward- whether it be through learning, love, or adventures across the country, there usually is a form of sacrifice involved (to more clearly see my point read Joseph Smith's 6th Lecture on Faith). You read of it in the history books, in The Alchemist, the gospel and see it in anything worthwhile. I want to share with you something I wrote on the plane fighting those thoughts in my head. It was a victory against Satan that I think can benefit others who may read this in the future.

 'I never thought that after nearly a year after my trip to England I would be back on a plane flying to a far off place almost as foreign- New York. I've been contemplating the importance of dreams, of fighting for the pursuit of them, of aligning your heart and your will with God's, and watching miracles occur before your very eyes. I also think that my Father in Heaven has a more clear idea of what my dreams are, and now i'm finally at a point in my life where I can begin to accomplish the things I was called to do in this life. I've no idea what things await me in New York. I just know that my Father is with me, guiding me by the hand.  Whenever I take these trips, I suddenly become aware of the beauty of life- His children, of their dreams, how our lives are intricately knit together, of time, this planet and the universe. I can't help but feel a bit small, but so blessed to know that my Father knows me, loves me, is guiding me and with the Spirit I can perform his works among his children no matter where he takes me. I'm excited for the adventures I'll have, the people I'll meet, the things I'll discover and learn and the person I'll become because of this decision to do God's will. It's funny how dot people try to belittle you when you're on the precipice of taking a giant leap of faith to do the right thing- something you KNOW is a good thing that will help you expand, grow, and take the knowledge that you've gained thus far and put those truths into practice, but because its comfortable, you second guess, doubt, and fear. I pray that I will learn to toss aside living until I'm comfortable. "Deep water is what I am wont to swim in." I have already begun leading a life of shattering the fish tanks of limited perspective. I know too much of what I have, of who I am and of my Father in Heaven to just sit and let life happen to me. I want to tell people. I want to be led by his spirit to do his will, lift the hands that hang down and lift the feeble knees. I pray that I'll be open to insight and learning to discover the things He'd have me know so I may be a better disciple of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Satan keeps placing thoughts in my head that this plane will crash and plummet to the Earth because I am on this flight and I bring bad luck and dispair, that I'll never live up to the lofty dreams in my head. And this is where I  yell "STOP! Who are YOU to tell me that I am nothing, small, weak, insignificant, dowdy and incapable of living the dreams I desire, of loving those I wish to love and making a difference in this world?! Exactly. You are nothing. I have the Greatest of all beings on my side, the beginning and the end. My Eternal Father-King of Heaven and Earth fortifying and blessing my journey. And you are merely a voice, filled with nothing that will fade with all those empty things you know will bring about the destruction of men, if they choose to listen. Leave me. I am about my Father's business and I intend to do it with ALL that I possess. He will help me every step of the way as long as I remain worthy of His Holy Spirit. And I am excited for all that he has in store for me and the children I'll have the privilege of meeting that are waiting along my path. That, is a lot more than you'll ever have. So don't waste my time. I have important work to do for my Father. " 

So with that, I invite you to do the same, to block out the words of deceit and unrighteousness, to take a stand, to be free. I pray that your lives are ones where you seek to accomplish the dreams in your heart and God's will for you. Until next time readers,