working on the sparkle.

I am sometimes disillusioned when it comes to the world.

 In my mind, dreams and desires take on a certain sheen, a sparkle and brilliance, so to speak. Scenarios and visions of how I imagine events to be shine in the stage of my mind and when things don't turn out the way I envision them to be, the world as a whole loses some of the magic and sparkle it once contained. Each disillusionment leeches away hope and belief in the human race, sullies dreams and my ambition to get lost in the world and lift others in the process. 

Now, I don't want you all to believe that everything in my head looks like a sitcom from the 50's. I'm not that disillusioned.  But it seems that when I do venture out into the world, my expectations are often brighter than the actual happenstance. Perhaps it is just the life that I lead...but I've realized that when I get to the crossroads of dream becoming reality, (an instance that often sneaks upon me and isn't ceremonious, almost utterly ordinary and unremarkable)I'm faced with a choice. Be disappointed in the world, all its inhabitants and die early because my cynicism leads me to believe that I'll die sooner or later anyway, or rejoice anyway and work on adding some of the sparkle back into the world. 

Life is what we make it. Granted, life won't always lead up to our expectations. It never will. It wouldn't be hard or worthwhile if that was the case. We have to focus on the sparkle left in the world and create as much as we can; with our goodness, our light, creativity, smiles, love, and ability to embrace life as it comes. I want to dance under the stars more, soak up the sun, discover, learn, make connections with people from all walks of life, lift hands, share my talents and enjoy the beauty of others', really recognize and embrace the happy times when the wistfully float by, and do my best to notice the sparkle in the every day moments that come my way.

 By acknowledging the sparkle sent to us, the easier it is to reciprocate the sparkle. 

The sparkle equals good things in life-simple pleasures, love, serving and loving others and our true selves, living in the small moments, the sunshine, and the joy of having blood race through our veins,thoughts flit in and out of our minds, and using our abilities to communicate those thoughts to beautify the world around us. The blessing of being here and learning, growing, and becoming.  It's what I'm working on, so I in turn, may sparkle too.  Don't dwell in the limelight of cynicism. It creates and perpetuates ugliness in your life and is toxic to others around you. It may seem easy, but isn't worth it.   Sparkle wherever you stand. Share it wherever you wander. Cultivate it. Create it. Exude the love that has so graciously been given to you, and others won't be able to resist doing the same. And there's nothing more beautiful than that.

Grow.Embrace. Delight. Love.Smile. Sparkle. 

Por Miguel

This post is entirely dedicated to my dear friend and associate, Michael Nielsen. So Mike, if you end up being the only one reading this, I decided I don't wish to trouble you with the headache that has been my  life this week. So, here are some lists. Lists of things I enjoy, find comical, strange or are just plain random. Here we go.

Things That are Strange

·         Mukluks

·         Crawdads

·         Blobfish

·         The fact that Pluto isn’t considered a planet anymore

·         Feet

·         Politicians

·          Glue

·         Snooki

·         Facial piercings

·         Cannibalism

·         BOYS

·         Love

·         The fact that our ears never stop growing

·         Praying mantis’

VIDEOS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY! :D

Some of my Favorite Things
Paintings by Van Gough
Stars
California
Giggling
Hugs
Sunsets
Beaches
Campfires
Children's Books
Miracles
Orange Juice
Heights
Skipping
Chapstick
Frogs
Wind
The smell of a baby
Strawberries
Clue
Moonlit walks
Chopsticks
Cooking
Flowers! Lots and lots of flowers!
Hiking
Farmer's Markets
The twinkle found in the eyes of a stranger
Traveling
Forehead kisses
Antiques
Music Boxes

There you go, friends (or just Mikey) I hope you enjoyed that extremely random, short post! Have a wonderful night/ morning/day! Remember to count the blessings you have, embrace those you love, and seize the moments given to you. Until next time.

Ruminations from a Rainy Afternoon

I love the rain- the smell, walking in it, being soaked to the bone. I especially love cold rain. The icy drops pierce the skin, like bitter tears from heaven, that wash away the filmy residue of the world. I love dancing in it, racing in my puny car as it comes down in droves, standing alone as the drops burst and encompass my shell, drenching me til the cleansing elixir sends ripples through my sullied soul. The rain makes me feel alive. Small. Hopeful. Recommitted. Significant. Like I am a very important part of a watercolor painting God created.

For the first time in a while, I feel that with all that I am. Today, I went and did my dental examination to finish up my mission papers. Everything went smoothly, no cavities to report. I can't tell you how incredibly excited I am.

I made a goal a long time ago that I would have my papers completed by the end of May 2011. After swimming in a sea of doubts, fears, false perceptions and foolish notions, I became tired and didn't feel like I could serve a mission. I kept thinking that church officials would take one look at my papers and dismiss me as a menace, a criminal. Unfit to serve and clearly too mental to preach the word of God. Filling out the papers honestly, truthfully and sincerely has been SO hard. I felt flawed, crazy, impossible. Turning in my papers would be complete and utter submission- A commit-a-phobe's greatest nightmare. The ghosts of my past dwelt in the convoluted crags of my mind, hanging like thick and sickly blankets. I keenly attempted to ignore them, forget their existence, but just like cobwebs, they seemed to only stick around and expand. So, I decided to deal with them. I started my papers to see with my own eyes what I'd have to conquer. I was shocked at the depth and detail I would have to divulge. I felt like I hit another brick wall, like finishing them would be utterly impossible. After attempting to do things by myself, slacking for weeks, and finally realizing that I needed help, I went to those dear friends I love so much and My Father in Heaven for guidance and assistance. The support that I craved so much really was there. I just had to recognize it and ask for it.

Tyson literally had to sit me down and walk me through it. I was able to get through the toughest part for me- re-living and writing a concise version of the nightmare I lived in November. I'm worried about what the church will have me do there, but we'll just have to see what happens. But it was so much easier for me to write it with him there, a quiet, encouraging voice urging me to keep going. I'm so grateful to him, to Moth-er and Fath-er, Terynn,Te, Tasia, sweet family members and so many others cheering here on earth and in heaven to continue to push forward, reach for my dreams and achieve them. I can't tell you how relieved I feel to know that this is really going to happen. I'm going to get my papers done by the end of this month. I'm going to serve Him faithfully for 18 months and for the rest of my life. I'm going to accomplish the things my Father in Heaven would have me do. I'm going to live my dreams and help as many people in this life as I possibly can. My heart is light, happy and full. I have things to offer.

I love people. I love learning about their journeys, triumphs, failures. I love this gospel with all that I am. I know that it is true, that it is as real as the air I breathe. It is the foundation of everything, and is my sure foundation. I love how its shaped and changed my life, and love seeing it work for good in other people's lives. I know what it feels like to dwell in darkness, to be without hope. I want to be able to share the light that can bring His children out of that encompassing void of depression and sin. I know that He is preparing His children to receive the goodness of the gospel and I know that there are people being specifically prepared for what I have to teach them. And I can't wait for the opportunity to finally do so.
I love my Father in Heaven with all of my heart and I know He loves me more than I can comprehend. I have been privileged enough to feel that influence dwell upon me the past couple days and I've never felt so fantastic. I pray that I may be able to keep this spirit alive in my heart, to let it guide my thoughts, actions, convictions, desires, hopes, and dreams. I pray that I can continue to move forward, complete my papers and do the things He'd have me do. I'm excited for the journey ahead and I'm grateful to you for supporting me and cheering me on. Much love, readers. Keep smiling, giving, loving. It brings the greatest joy and blessings. Until next time,

Gratitude Alphabet of Awesomeness- a list for Jenni

Hi Readers! Ok, so I've been doing a lot of ranting lately. Things have been difficult, but I really have so much to be grateful for. Here is an alphabet of just a few things I am grateful for this morning. Its also a list, because Jenni loves lists. and I love her. Ok. Here goes.

A-Apple Dapple. I'm eating it right now. Great-great grandma, you're a genius! I'm very grateful for your ingenious recipes that are still in use today.
B- The Book of Mormon. I love reading and feeling the words feed my spirit and I love the influence it has on the hearts of humanity.
C-the Christensen family. They truly are the best surrogate family anyone could ever ask for. I can't thank them enough for all that they've given me, for all the support and constant love, for dealing with me when I'm such a menace to society, and for putting up with all my quirks and imperfections. They truly help me to be better. I don't know what I would do without them.
D-Dreams and the opportunity to remember and pursue them.
E-Eggplant. Its a very under appreciated vegetable. I don't understand why. Its tasty AND purple! Come on, people!
F-Freedom to be who I am, to live in this beautiful country and choose. oh and add Family and fantastic friends!
G-Globes.
H-Halo. I love you honey! Thank you for being such a bright light in my life! You help me to be better everyday! Thank you fore putting up with this crazy mom.
I-Igloos. So ingenious. I've decided if I had an igloo, it would be aqua. And I'd have a pet walrus named Waldo. and it would be a magic igloo that never melted and that had heated tile floors, a roaring fire and custom furniture to go with the ice motif.
J-jugglers. I feel they're under appreciated as well. They shouldn't be! They have amazing hand-eye coordination, do a million things at once with a smile and can probably still chew gum while walking when throwing razor-sharp knives. Plus, i wouldn't want to cross them. If you happen to be nasty, They could incorporate you into their act and just not catch one of the knives right as it flies directly over your head. I think of these things all the time. oh and I love Jenni. :)
K-Kitchen appliances and Kyle. Both rank superior in my book.
L-light. Natural, twinkling, starlight, candlelight. I love it all.
M-Missionary work, Mandy, Mothers,Made-line Anne, mud,Moe(my future starfish,) midgets and monkeys.
N-Nine puppies who let me jab sharp needles into their hind legs yesterday.I was able to administer vaccines to them yesterday. They helped reaffirm that I can aspire to be a doctor and I know I can do a good job.
O-opportunity to use the power of the atonement everyday, to start again, repent and become better.
P-Peter Pan, duh.
Q-Quills, Quilts, and Quasimodo. (also under appreciated.)
R- Romance. hahahah SO just kidding. How about row boats? Razors? really great soap?
S-singing- I love that I have the ability to raise my voice to express the feelings of my soul. I love music, the ability I have to make music and share that bond with others. Its truly a wonderful medicine and unifying power of humanity.
T-Traveling and exploring the world-experiencing how beautiful the world really can be. and to add to my favorite T's- Te, Taz (I will be forever indebted to you both-you are such a light and wonderful part of my life and I don't know what I would do without you. Thank you for being some of very best friends I could ever ask for), Tyson, Tern, Terynn, and any other lovely T's that I left out!
U-umbrellas. especially yellow and red ones.
V-Victor Dostoevsky and other obscure Russians who rock. and the vomer bone and the visceral pericardium.
W-words. I love being able to spin phrases together, to freely be verbose, and the opportunity to expand my vocabulary. Thank you word of the day!
X-xanthan gum
Y-years (20 to be exact) of living life in only the way that I can. I'm grateful for what I've been able to see, touch, taste, smell and feel with all my heart up to this point. I'm grateful for the years ahead and for the opportunities that await me.
Z-Zimbabwe, zebras and everything AFRICAN!!! oh and zippers.

There you go. And I'm grateful for you because you actually made it through reading that horrendously long thing! Take time to look at the blessings you've been given and thank God for all the wonder that He has so graciously bestowed upon you and those who matter the most to you. It makes all the difference. Thank you for blessing my life and for your influence. Much love. Make a great day, readers.