Exciting Excerpt:1,078

So...my life has been a little chaotic. School has entered a short reprieve (HALLELUJAH), but time still finds a way to be filled. I'm currently in the process of landing an additional job, finding a place to live, and stepping into some very large shoes as my ward's relief society president. Also, when I'm not working like a madwoman, I get to sometimes watch my friend's niece who is experiencing a case of the awful, dreadful, down right rotten and oh so terrible two's. She's so adorable you could explode, so it makes being angry and upset nearly impossible. However, today she certainly gave me a run for my money. After alternating endless, mind-numbing episodes of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood and Paw Patrol, temper tantrums, role playing with beanie babies,  more tantrums, playing human jungle gym, playing outside, and an impromptu food fight, I was finally given a break...a bathroom break. 

When I gazed into the mirror, I was taken aback. To put it kindly, I resembled a homeless person who'd been sleeping under a bridge for a month.  It was 6 pm and if I wanted any shred of my sanity, I needed a shower and I needed it now. I turned on the water and began to relax when I heard it- the patter of tiny footsteps running down the hallway. Next, pounding on the door. My heart froze. I stopped breathing. She found me. Her tiny hands wormed their way under the crack. Soon she began screaming over and over and over at the top of her lungs " WHAT you DOING?! WHAT YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOOU DOOOIN?! WHAAAATT AARE YOOOOU DOOOIN?!" She began to listen to the curious behavior behind the door and began to connect the dots that I was attempting to flee from the vise like grip of her pudgy hands. And that I was now experiencing her favorite past time- a bath. "Bath?! I WANT BATH! I WANT BAAAAAAAFFF! " Tears began to flow, pounding intensified on the other side of the door panel, shrill shrieks began to shake the hallway. There wasn't anywhere else to run. I was doomed. Trapped. Left there in an awful, embarrassing state to rot and die. I didn't know whether or not to have a heart attack or laugh hysterically. Soon, a brave knight decided to give the toddler dragon a hot dog and get her to go to sleep and I was able to continue my bathroom break in peace. 

Needless to say, I haven't been that afraid to use a bathroom since the Piccadilly Circus tube station toilets in January which I'm sure had various strains of hepatitis and maybe a strain of the Ebola virus. 

It was an adventure. Here is just a small, exciting excerpt of my life this week. More to come. Be wary of tyrannical toddlers who happen to be drawn to water. Wishing you luck in your life and in the bathroom now and always. Xo-Heather

California dreaming

The kids and I last year! Kamper and Happy photo cred. Abbs 

Hi readers.  I guess it has been a while since my last post. I have to say already that this is bound to be a unique experience in and of itself because I'm  composing this entirely from my phone in Paso Robles, CA.

Why am I in such a lovely place,  you ask? I have the fortune of being a zookeeper for a week, so to speak.  Okay, its not like THIS zoo, but you catch my drift.   The zoo is very small... 3 dogs, 3 grown cats, 8 kittens and any other animal that wanders to the front door. My mission? To ensure they do not starve, learn some things,  and have someone to play with every now and then. Can I just tell you, vacations are incredible things for the soul. Especially ones that include beach time and a house to myself for a week. Ready to hear of my adventures so far?
Travel Log: 
 WEDNESDAY I flew from sweltering Las Vegas airport to balmy Santa Maria, California and asked myself why on earth I ever left. Mike picked me up and headed straight to the shelter to pick up foster kittens. Then we headed for Cayucos; a small town so close to the beach, you can put your arm out the window and stick it in the glistening blue waves. We dined at Duckies- a beach front restaurant 500 yards away from the surf that prides themselves on freshness and deliciousness. I didn't hesitate to try their fish and chips and boy, it didn't disappoint.  The fish was so fresh and flaky and the fries were out of this world!  Bah.  SO. GOOD.  I'm definitely returning with one of the puppies and enjoying a whole day.

Thursday I became more familiar with the tasks at hand and spent one last day with Deb and Mike before they set out on their excursion to Mexico.  I also ventured to the bustling hive of  Walmart to buy some food so I wouldn't starve-I don't want to eat beans everyday. (Deb and Mike are vegan). It was a unique experience, as all ventures to the big box store generally are. A strange man in a ball cap and shades came up to me in the woman's section while looking for a swimsuit. (The hanger was around my neck to check the fit and I was looking down when this man seemed to appear out of the racks like a genie)  He looked in my cart ( I mean, REALLY LOOKED), gave me an exasperated look, and told me not to buy corn. Apparently Von's had them 5 for a dollar and I was crazy for thinking to buy them at Walmart. He then turned away and disappeared, probably to spread the bad corn omen elsewhere. To add to the strangeness, there was hardly any produce, everything was in refrigerated cases and they didn't have grocery bags. (Its a law in this county, apparently.)

Yesterday I awoke very early due to three furry alarm clocks and sat around wondering what on earth I was going to do with myself for a week alone. After flirting with the idea of being exceptionally lazy, eating junkfood all day, and editing and cleaning to pass the time,  I packed a bag and headed to Cambria for lunch on the beach. Oh, and if you've never been to Cambria, it's breathtaking. It's got blue pines and rolling golden hills on one side, a blue green beach on the other. Definitely worth the drive. (sorry for diverting)
 I hung out by the jagged rocks and tide pools for a bit as the waves crashed to and fro. I love watching the life flit around the pools and marveling at how small I am in the scheme of things. A couple of adorable harbor seals kept eyeing me suspiciously. I suspected they were plotting sneaky ways to take me with them to their underwater Seal Prince to become his new wife or baby seal trainer. They already managed to secretly kill my phone battery with their cute, intent gazes. They could have had a mind melting ray under those waves too and I could have said Sayōnara to civilization as we know it! So, to avoid possible underwater abduction, I jumped back in the pickup and cruised back to my favorite beach spot. I broke out my lunch, wrote letters, napped under the sun's warm rays, and tried to remember the crash of every wave. It was wonderful. I'm definitely spending another day in Cambria. Shopping is definitely on the list.

Yes. They really look like this. Seriously the cutest seals ever. 

 I got a bit roasted yesterday, (not to mention, the dogs beat me up this morning) so I'm taking it easy,  running a couple errands, cleaning things up and just hanging out with the kids today. Sunday is San Simeon Beach/pier with Happy . I'm super excited. I'm not reunited with human interaction until Thursday.I'll keep you updated on any other misadventures! Keep it real, readers!

Being silly at Mandy's. Ready to fly to paradise!

Kamper is adorable. When she sleeps. :) Naps are a favorite past time here.  

Super excited to have this amazing lady join me!  5 more days!

Every Day Holidays!

Well readers, a new post is very much needed. I really liked the last post and I've wanted some inspiration to strike me like a bone rattling lighting strike from the roiling heavens, but that hasn't happened thus far. *sigh* I could stand out in the downpour pelting the windows as I sit here typing, but I value my life a little more than the satisfaction one up-ing a purely inspired blog post from last month. I can and never will compete with inspiration. My God and Heavenly Father gets all the props for pure truth that somehow makes its way through me. For that, I will be eternally grateful and I pray that I may continue to live my life so I may receive inspiration to continue to help others in the future.

 I think that one of the reasons that I don't post as often as I like is because I'm a complete and utter perfectionist in my own way. If I think that I don't really have anything worth hearing or feel that the paragraphs composed are a complete waste of the readers' time, I don't post it. I also do like to maintain a bit of mystery, and quite frankly, don't believe I'm as quirky and adorable on demand as I'd like to be in the world of the blogosphere. So, instead of amusing you with the sheer whimsy of my life,  here are somethings that should brighten up your day.  Thank you, www.holidaysforeveryday.com for the inspiration!

Future Birthday Present!!! Hey..a girl can dream, can't she???

Today, October the 16th is National Dictionary Day! (which happens to be conveniently coupled with "Learn a Word!" day)  Happy Birthday, Noah Webster!!! Thank you for bringing such an incredible tool to the masses! Your invention encourages learning and discovery and happens to be one of my favorite things on this planet. Thanks for being so awesome, Noah! To honor you this day, I've learned the word:

fracas \FREY-kuhs\, noun:
A noisy, disorderly disturbance or fight; riotous brawl; uproar.

Two or three people who were not there during the fracas poked their heads in at the door to sympathize but that made Mrs. Turner madder.
-- Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God

Never was he present at any gathering without some sort of a fracas occurring thereat. Either he would require to be expelled from the room by gendarmes, or his friends would have to kick him out into the street.
-- Nikolai Gogol, Dead Souls

Fracas is derived from the Italian word fracasso meaning "to smash." It entered English in the 1720s.

My very own sentence for normal, lesser- beings goes as follows: Riotous men jumped into the fracas on the bar floor with furious fists and frothing lips.
Okay! Your turn! Find a word! Learn something! Thank Noah!

clearly, the best boss.

Next order of business: National Boss Day! Give that boss of yours a high five or  a hug! Way to help us become better citizens and not be lazy, no-account bums like myself! GO YOU!

...turn your books in on time, kids.

Among other awesome people, librarians deserve recognition too! Today happens to be School Librarian Day! Go say thank you, shelve a couple books for them, be extra quiet, bring them a bouquet of pencils...that sort of thing.
 

Happy Birthday, Frosty the Light bulb!

16- Frosted Light Bulb Birthday 1928  need an idea of what the heck their purpose is? Educate yourself, friends. Viola! Let there be light! 

16- World Food Day!! I love food, so I was excited to hear that there was an international day devoted to just food! But after some Food research,   I found out about this amazing corporation to encourage food cooperatives to help raise food to feed the 900+ million people starving all over the world. For more information about how you can get involved in the next world food day, click the words "food research" above. 

 

And at last,my very favorite.....

16- Let Them Eat Cake Day!...need I say more!? 

Enjoy, friends! Discover, eat cake, make a difference-personally and in the world around you! The world is yours for the taking, every day! Don't forget it! Until next time, hoping your life stays 'sweet'!

Por Miguel

This post is entirely dedicated to my dear friend and associate, Michael Nielsen. So Mike, if you end up being the only one reading this, I decided I don't wish to trouble you with the headache that has been my  life this week. So, here are some lists. Lists of things I enjoy, find comical, strange or are just plain random. Here we go.

Things That are Strange

·         Mukluks

·         Crawdads

·         Blobfish

·         The fact that Pluto isn’t considered a planet anymore

·         Feet

·         Politicians

·          Glue

·         Snooki

·         Facial piercings

·         Cannibalism

·         BOYS

·         Love

·         The fact that our ears never stop growing

·         Praying mantis’

VIDEOS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY! :D

Some of my Favorite Things
Paintings by Van Gough
Stars
California
Giggling
Hugs
Sunsets
Beaches
Campfires
Children's Books
Miracles
Orange Juice
Heights
Skipping
Chapstick
Frogs
Wind
The smell of a baby
Strawberries
Clue
Moonlit walks
Chopsticks
Cooking
Flowers! Lots and lots of flowers!
Hiking
Farmer's Markets
The twinkle found in the eyes of a stranger
Traveling
Forehead kisses
Antiques
Music Boxes

There you go, friends (or just Mikey) I hope you enjoyed that extremely random, short post! Have a wonderful night/ morning/day! Remember to count the blessings you have, embrace those you love, and seize the moments given to you. Until next time.

Again. I'm faced with the sad truth that I am, in fact, a pasty white girl

I know, I know, I know You're probably thinking "Why in HEAVEN'S NAME is Bella on your blog?! ABOMINATION!!! *BOOS and hisses ensue* *pitchforks raise, torches light, teenage girls are locked away* Okay stop thinking. I will explain later. Read on. Ignore this visage for the time being. *ahem* My dear readers, it has been a long time since I've strung a bunch of snarky phrases together into a post, so be prepared for a oh so random and slightly pointless one at that. ha-ha. I have never wanted to be an adorable Asian so bad in my life before today. For the past week, I've seen this sign on the Boulevard seeking to hire people for this new Japanese steakhouse that they are building. I memorized the number on the board outside the restaurant as I drove by and then proceeded to call. An adorable lady answered the phone, told me just to come in and pick up an application then. So today, I got gussied up ( I have a concert tonight you see and I figured it may help my case if I showed up not looking like a total slob from slobtown) and walked along the boulevard to the location of said 'steakhouse in construction'.

After a couple cat calls (I know its hard to believe) I was guided into the restaurant by a somewhat toothless, adorable construction worker. The construction crew started to swarm like flies, trying to sneak a peek at the innocent pretty thing that waltzed into a construction zone in heels. After a few minutes of waiting for the manager to come out, I was able to meet 'kenny', a small Asian man, who handed me an application and told me to fill it out, bring it back and we'd talk. So, I again walked outside back into the fray of onlookers and filled it out. I sat in my car thinking that I didn't have a chance in the world because I've never had any restaurant experience ( I mean, I learn fast, I've had my own bakery, can connect with people really fast and love serving them, but that doesn't mean anything), I wasn't adorable, petite, little and Asian, and I was afraid I didn't say enough. So i went back to Kenny, gave him my application, and he said that he would call and schedule an interview. The restaurant was so beautiful inside, with authentic Japanese decor, a beautiful mirrored mosaic wall, dark wood, and thin sliding walls. It'd be awesome if he calls me back, but until then, I'm going to keep looking. I want to do all that I can to get on this mission and work my hardest to get there. We'll see what happens.

Okay friends. Regard the weird, misplaced picture....NOW. On a random other note, I saw this today and freaked.
(either click on the word "this" or click to see the full image appearing at the beginning of this post) Can you say HOLY GUACAMOLE BATMAN?! Best picture of my week. Hermione will always win. She's naturally awesome. Bella has to get bitten and mutated to even pretend to be awesome. Yeah. Go jump off cliffs, Bella. That'll solve ALL your problems. *rolls eyes* I just proved my utter dorkiness, but hey. Embrace it people .

On another random side note, I'm meeting with my bishop this week to see if I can get started on my mission papers! Its taken a lot to get to this point, but I'm so happy. So happy to be a member of the glorious church and for the opportunity to share it with all I come in contact with on a mission. I can't wait.

Also, my family came into town and loaded up the rest of our things and trekked back up north. We were able to swim, hang out and just have a good time. We were going through a bunch of papers and I found something that I lost a long time ago. "The" List. Its a compilation of dreams, wishes, desires, and random events I want to do before I die. I sat down and created it the summer of '09 with Kristal Kay. It was so great to find and read again. Some of the events included Eating a pickle the size of my shoe, staying the night in a lighthouse, Going to Boston and throwing a tea bag into the harbor, Riding a yak, seeing a mummy, shaking the Prophet's hand, Going to Africa, saving little children, seeing a lion or two, petting a giraffe, and sleeping under the stars on the savanna. I'm excited for the life ahead of me, all that I get to do and the opportunity I have to be the best person I can be. Until then readers, I suggest you pull out your list or make one. There's no excuse to not have an adventure everyday! Go ride a yak! Much love readers!

Because I'm a Glutton for Punishment

I'm not going to lie. I secretly want a crazed, cynical, genius boy just like Calvin. And because I'm a glutton for punishment, it will most likely happen. My future son will be the terror of the neighborhood, his school and all of humanity. And I can't wait for the day. I love these comics oh so much. They are incredible. Enjoy a couple chuckles. Just dbl click to see the full image. Sorry my blog can't handle the sheer awesomeness of Calvin in all his glory. Here's hoping you have a fantastic day.

Another snippet that needs to be in the movie of my life

You know that your Friday nights need to improve when you head over to Barnes and Noble for some entertainment. Evie and I opted out on the opportunity to cook in a cesspool of bacterium, staph infection and std's with some attractive men and we ate razzle-berry pie and ranted about stupid boys instead. (A much better idea, if you ask me. I'm a germ-a-phobe and a feminist, if you can't tell) After our binge fest, we hopped in the car and blasted awesome Spanish music (I'm in love with Joanes(pronounced huan-es for you gringo's out there)). The subject, who I will introduce in a moment, must have heard our music blaring from the parking lot and knew as the wind blew my beautiful auburn hair that I was the easy, naive white girl that could show him a good time. As I was taking a gander at the 'Oooh! Buy me! I'll teach you a pointless activity and make you so much cooler!' section with Evieface, a small Hispanic man approaches me and starts asking me questions. "Are ju from round here?" "It snow here?" "It snow in Cedar, where I live." Me, being friendly and still having faith in the human race, decided to engage in this man's game. I was hoping that he was just a nice guy, wishing to engage in normal everyday conversation. Drilling commences...

"How old are you?"
Oh I'm getting old. hahah I'm 20.
"oh, ju are old."
"So Ju student? working?"
I guess you can say I'm working. I work odd jobs here and there. I'm pretty much a menace to society.
All the while Evie is freaking out, trying to distract me, yelling random things like "look, a cupcake book! How adorable! We should look at that Heather!" "Look, is that an obscure man that we know." Its taking all that she is to not completely go Cuban on this little man.
"So are you married? Single?"
hahaha oh wow. *more nervous laughter* ( I REALLY didn't want to tell him I was, but I couldn't lie. I already was feeling bad for being so snarky)*dramatic pause* I'm single. but that's fine with me. I prefer it that way. I love being single! Men are such a drag.
I was hoping with all that I was that my response was dejection enough, but alas. Men don't understand hints. ESPECIALLY Latin ones. (its not a racist comment. its the truth)
"you have phone? can I get jour number?"
Just as Evie was about to grab my arm, say "No quieres!"(translation: she doesn't want you) and pull me out of the mall by my hair, I said 'I'm sorry, but I never give that out. Have a good night.'
He thanked me for talking with him and he skulked away as we giggled, shocked that it just happened to ME of all people.
So my faith was restored in the fact that creepy men, no matter what race, age, and religion, still find me attractive. Huzzah . *cacophony of eye-rolling commences*
For the record, picking up a girl in a book store usually doesn't work. And if you really, REALLY, want to attempt to pick up a girl in a bookstore, make sure she isn't looking at Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Bronte, or awesome anatomy books and you're in the children's section reading the latest edition of Thomas the Train: Thomas goes to the moon with the monkeys. Just a suggestion.
Here's hoping NEXT Friday will be fraught with more adventure and maybe actually getting hit on by an attractive male! hmm. Well a girl can dream can't she? haha anyway, keep it real readers! Much love. Here's hoping your love life is more exciting than mine.

TA-DAH!!!! Gee, Isn't it spiffy?

Thanks to the lovely, glorious and/or stupendous magical workings of Mandy Freaking Fielding, my blog officially rocks, if I do say so myself. Mandy, I love you and adore you anyway, but this just sent you to the superstar friends list. If you were Mario, you would've tripled in size and won the game, leaving Princess Peach crying in the mud. Yah.

So this weekend I ventured northward to the snow to visit mi familia in the land of Lehihi. (I add an extra 'hi' because it makes the name much more intriguing and fun to say) Yes. It was just reaffirmed how insanely awkward and weird I am. Deal with it. Move on. We decided we'd go bowling today...lets just say I bowled the lowest score in the history of beautiful twenty year old women. The two year old in the next lane threw more strikes than I did. Are you ready to hear my atrocious score? *drum roll please* ... 36. yeah. 36. That's right. I disgraced the glorious goodness of the greasy lanes, stinky bowling shoes and the crash of pins. I think training with the Jackie Chan of Bowling is in order. I'll be the next Karate kid, but with bowling. Can't you just see it? "The Bowling Babe". I like it. ANYWAY...here's hoping you harness your bowling chi better than I did. Peace and Love kids. Adios.

Hair Fiasco of the Century

Hello friends. So, I received a GIANT piece of humble pie today. I let my mother die my hair. Lets just say it didn't exactly take the way I anticipated. Actually, it looked like I dunked my head into a giant vat of maraschino cherries, then had demon babies eat all the cherries, throw them up on my head and forever burn the color on my once beautiful mane. Yes. It was THAT bad.  I have proof. Please. Feel free to laugh. hysterically.

SEE?!?!?

My mom said i looked like a crazed scottswoman in this hat

Need I say more? Awful. Absolutely Awful. 

So, after sending a pic to Te, we jumped in my car, braved Target and picked up heavy duty hair dye, about the same color of ink. However, in the process of fixing the disaster, we happened to run out of hair dye. Te went to grab some more, little did we know that time was not on our side. When she came back with hair dye in hand, it was already 3:30 and Te had to work at 4. I was supposed to meet my dad for a hair appointment at 4 as well, so we slathered on some more really fast, waited five minutes and rinsed it anyway. I got in my car and saw i still had big chunks of red left.I was not a happy camper. Not to mention, My dad wasn't at Paul Mitchell, so i drove home looking and feeling more and more like an emotional gothic teenager filled with angst. When I walked in, my brother looked at my hair, and basically told me that I looked like a prostitute with my new hair do. Aren't brothers the best thing in the world!?

Lying in wait for the remaining hair dye, looking hard core, Pic 2=not a happy camper

I am praying desperately for a miracle. I have a hair appointment at 7:30 tonight to try and fix this. I will post results. Comment. I want to hear your exasperated cries and laughs.

food for thought.

Here's a chuckle for the day. Anybody who knows me well will especially get a kick out of this strip.