Ruminations from a Rainy Afternoon

I love the rain- the smell, walking in it, being soaked to the bone. I especially love cold rain. The icy drops pierce the skin, like bitter tears from heaven, that wash away the filmy residue of the world. I love dancing in it, racing in my puny car as it comes down in droves, standing alone as the drops burst and encompass my shell, drenching me til the cleansing elixir sends ripples through my sullied soul. The rain makes me feel alive. Small. Hopeful. Recommitted. Significant. Like I am a very important part of a watercolor painting God created.

For the first time in a while, I feel that with all that I am. Today, I went and did my dental examination to finish up my mission papers. Everything went smoothly, no cavities to report. I can't tell you how incredibly excited I am.

I made a goal a long time ago that I would have my papers completed by the end of May 2011. After swimming in a sea of doubts, fears, false perceptions and foolish notions, I became tired and didn't feel like I could serve a mission. I kept thinking that church officials would take one look at my papers and dismiss me as a menace, a criminal. Unfit to serve and clearly too mental to preach the word of God. Filling out the papers honestly, truthfully and sincerely has been SO hard. I felt flawed, crazy, impossible. Turning in my papers would be complete and utter submission- A commit-a-phobe's greatest nightmare. The ghosts of my past dwelt in the convoluted crags of my mind, hanging like thick and sickly blankets. I keenly attempted to ignore them, forget their existence, but just like cobwebs, they seemed to only stick around and expand. So, I decided to deal with them. I started my papers to see with my own eyes what I'd have to conquer. I was shocked at the depth and detail I would have to divulge. I felt like I hit another brick wall, like finishing them would be utterly impossible. After attempting to do things by myself, slacking for weeks, and finally realizing that I needed help, I went to those dear friends I love so much and My Father in Heaven for guidance and assistance. The support that I craved so much really was there. I just had to recognize it and ask for it.

Tyson literally had to sit me down and walk me through it. I was able to get through the toughest part for me- re-living and writing a concise version of the nightmare I lived in November. I'm worried about what the church will have me do there, but we'll just have to see what happens. But it was so much easier for me to write it with him there, a quiet, encouraging voice urging me to keep going. I'm so grateful to him, to Moth-er and Fath-er, Terynn,Te, Tasia, sweet family members and so many others cheering here on earth and in heaven to continue to push forward, reach for my dreams and achieve them. I can't tell you how relieved I feel to know that this is really going to happen. I'm going to get my papers done by the end of this month. I'm going to serve Him faithfully for 18 months and for the rest of my life. I'm going to accomplish the things my Father in Heaven would have me do. I'm going to live my dreams and help as many people in this life as I possibly can. My heart is light, happy and full. I have things to offer.

I love people. I love learning about their journeys, triumphs, failures. I love this gospel with all that I am. I know that it is true, that it is as real as the air I breathe. It is the foundation of everything, and is my sure foundation. I love how its shaped and changed my life, and love seeing it work for good in other people's lives. I know what it feels like to dwell in darkness, to be without hope. I want to be able to share the light that can bring His children out of that encompassing void of depression and sin. I know that He is preparing His children to receive the goodness of the gospel and I know that there are people being specifically prepared for what I have to teach them. And I can't wait for the opportunity to finally do so.
I love my Father in Heaven with all of my heart and I know He loves me more than I can comprehend. I have been privileged enough to feel that influence dwell upon me the past couple days and I've never felt so fantastic. I pray that I may be able to keep this spirit alive in my heart, to let it guide my thoughts, actions, convictions, desires, hopes, and dreams. I pray that I can continue to move forward, complete my papers and do the things He'd have me do. I'm excited for the journey ahead and I'm grateful to you for supporting me and cheering me on. Much love, readers. Keep smiling, giving, loving. It brings the greatest joy and blessings. Until next time,

Meet the Robertsons

These adorable terrors are now my life. Aren't they so cute?! Meet the Robertsons, people! From left to right is Kade, who happens to be six years old, a fireball, a music genius, a sweetheart, who happens to have a need for speed. He really really likes driving my car, visiting grandma, going new places (one of which happens to be the library) helping out, and having fun. All the time. Kade is also a flirt. The first day I started working he asked if I was married and had kids of my own. When I said no, he was so upset. "why!? you're so fun! I wish you had kids! Then I'd have cool kids to play with! Yesterday he asked Are you ever going to have a baby? I want to see your baby. Lets just say we have awesome conversations. He is quick to love others and the first day I went home he told his mom I was the best babysitter he's ever had and wants to keep me around forever. The third night he missed me a lot. Essentially it was Kade that helped open the door to the others to like me. We're pretty tight buds. Must be a middle child thing. haha.

Next to Kade is DREW or Drewbee. Every time you ask him how he is he answers I'm two! bahaha He's absolutely way too cute for his own good. Drew has an insatiable need for speed, so he's constantly playing on his scooter, Handy Many ATV (its his bike), jumping off of things, wanting to ride in the car or running to and fro. Drew also likes music, Thomas the Train and anything associated with it, sings often, has quite the attitude that comes out when he starts to dance, is in love with Toy Story and likes to sit and mimic the motorcycles revving across the way at the Kawasaki bike shop. I'm guessing he's going to either be a stunt man, a pro BMX racer, or an accountant. He likes to count as he goes up and down the stairs. (Always starting with 6 of course I.e. siix, one, two, fooaah, free, seeeben, two, free, fooah, five, nine ten!) He also really likes girls. He'll be playing on the playground and just stop and walk up to them, stare at them in awe two inches away from their face and then proceed to chase them all over. A man in the making, right there.

Next to Drewbee is the awesome, adorable, sweet Riley. Riley is 8, is in second grade and is a genius. He's good at everything he touches, especially anything physical. His best friend and sometimes worst enemy is his brother Kade. I don't get to see Ri as much as I'd like to, but that'll soon change when school gets out in a couple weeks. He's also extremely energetic, pretty responsible and an amazing big brother.

All three kids are ADD (most likely ADHD) so its like watching six boys most of the time, but I love them already. This experience is already teaching me so much about how I will be as a future mother. I want to start implementing more structure for things- certain days to go and do things, activities for each day so they don't feel trapped. I'll get a rhythm going. I also have been trying to pace myself. They aren't all going to love and adore me at once, so I have to be patient and keep showing them my love for them in my actions and words. I hope that I can help these kids in different aspects of their life, but I want to be there for them, support them and love them, no matter what happens, no matter who I marry, where I go, the places i see. We'll see what the future holds for these amazing kids. I just want them to know that they are amazing and they have infinite worth. That's my prayer, at least. Here's hoping I wont ruin them! Keep it real readers!

Silly Girl

So you know those days where you feel your heart get wrenched out of your body? That's normal, right?

Again. I'm faced with the sad truth that I am, in fact, a pasty white girl

I know, I know, I know You're probably thinking "Why in HEAVEN'S NAME is Bella on your blog?! ABOMINATION!!! *BOOS and hisses ensue* *pitchforks raise, torches light, teenage girls are locked away* Okay stop thinking. I will explain later. Read on. Ignore this visage for the time being. *ahem* My dear readers, it has been a long time since I've strung a bunch of snarky phrases together into a post, so be prepared for a oh so random and slightly pointless one at that. ha-ha. I have never wanted to be an adorable Asian so bad in my life before today. For the past week, I've seen this sign on the Boulevard seeking to hire people for this new Japanese steakhouse that they are building. I memorized the number on the board outside the restaurant as I drove by and then proceeded to call. An adorable lady answered the phone, told me just to come in and pick up an application then. So today, I got gussied up ( I have a concert tonight you see and I figured it may help my case if I showed up not looking like a total slob from slobtown) and walked along the boulevard to the location of said 'steakhouse in construction'.

After a couple cat calls (I know its hard to believe) I was guided into the restaurant by a somewhat toothless, adorable construction worker. The construction crew started to swarm like flies, trying to sneak a peek at the innocent pretty thing that waltzed into a construction zone in heels. After a few minutes of waiting for the manager to come out, I was able to meet 'kenny', a small Asian man, who handed me an application and told me to fill it out, bring it back and we'd talk. So, I again walked outside back into the fray of onlookers and filled it out. I sat in my car thinking that I didn't have a chance in the world because I've never had any restaurant experience ( I mean, I learn fast, I've had my own bakery, can connect with people really fast and love serving them, but that doesn't mean anything), I wasn't adorable, petite, little and Asian, and I was afraid I didn't say enough. So i went back to Kenny, gave him my application, and he said that he would call and schedule an interview. The restaurant was so beautiful inside, with authentic Japanese decor, a beautiful mirrored mosaic wall, dark wood, and thin sliding walls. It'd be awesome if he calls me back, but until then, I'm going to keep looking. I want to do all that I can to get on this mission and work my hardest to get there. We'll see what happens.

Okay friends. Regard the weird, misplaced picture....NOW. On a random other note, I saw this today and freaked.
(either click on the word "this" or click to see the full image appearing at the beginning of this post) Can you say HOLY GUACAMOLE BATMAN?! Best picture of my week. Hermione will always win. She's naturally awesome. Bella has to get bitten and mutated to even pretend to be awesome. Yeah. Go jump off cliffs, Bella. That'll solve ALL your problems. *rolls eyes* I just proved my utter dorkiness, but hey. Embrace it people .

On another random side note, I'm meeting with my bishop this week to see if I can get started on my mission papers! Its taken a lot to get to this point, but I'm so happy. So happy to be a member of the glorious church and for the opportunity to share it with all I come in contact with on a mission. I can't wait.

Also, my family came into town and loaded up the rest of our things and trekked back up north. We were able to swim, hang out and just have a good time. We were going through a bunch of papers and I found something that I lost a long time ago. "The" List. Its a compilation of dreams, wishes, desires, and random events I want to do before I die. I sat down and created it the summer of '09 with Kristal Kay. It was so great to find and read again. Some of the events included Eating a pickle the size of my shoe, staying the night in a lighthouse, Going to Boston and throwing a tea bag into the harbor, Riding a yak, seeing a mummy, shaking the Prophet's hand, Going to Africa, saving little children, seeing a lion or two, petting a giraffe, and sleeping under the stars on the savanna. I'm excited for the life ahead of me, all that I get to do and the opportunity I have to be the best person I can be. Until then readers, I suggest you pull out your list or make one. There's no excuse to not have an adventure everyday! Go ride a yak! Much love readers!

Actual Hiking Footage, As Promised

Well ladies and gents, I am a woman of my word. Well, at least this time. Here are the actual hiking pictures that I promised. Pretty sick, eh? Enjoy! Thank you, Mister Jones for the fantastic photography skills. You're pretty much awesome.

After I ate it...haha

Misadventures in the Great Unknown AKA Hiking with Tyson

Sight from climbing. Actual hiking footage soon to come!

Do you ever have those days where you encounter endless opportunities to remember how incredibly accident prone you are? Yeah. Today was one of those days. And I have a feeling that I'm going to have the wicked scars to prove it for a heap long time. I awoke early this morning, much to my chagrin, to go on a hike with my broskee Ty and my friends Tasia and Rex. We hopped in the manly Grand Am drove ten miles or so and pulled off on the side of the road. After squeezing our way through some nasty barbed wire, we started on our journey. The beautiful, ominous cliffs loomed in the distance and needless to say, I was kind of nervous. Not marked path. All free climbing. City girl with no climbing experience, who thought 'roughing it' was not showering for a few days and sleeping in a tent. However, the band of explorers I decided to venture on this 'hike' with are practically hippie woodland children, bred to live in the wild, climb like apes and hum as they traipse down gargantuan cliffs. No joke. So, after a clear lapse in judgement, I proceeded down the ravine to begin an exciting adventure that left me more bruised and beaten than a lone summer peach in a rickety chevy pickup.
The ravine was be-speckled with jagged igneous rock, remnants from volcanic eruptions from thousands of years ago. It looked like a scene straight from Lord of the Rings. I was half expecting Gollum to jump out, beat me up, and bite off one of my fingers. Tyson and Tasia took the more difficult and direct route westward, while I walked straight down to swoop around and meet them on the other side. I always manage to make things more difficult than they have to be.
As I was trekking down, I looked over to see where Ty and Taz were positioned to see how much farther I would have to climb. Before I realized what was happening, I was already face down in the rocks, chewing rocks like a bad bran breakfast cereal. Not even ten minutes into our hike and I already biffed it so hard I couldn't remember who my grandparents were. I sat on the ground, laughed at how pathetic it was that I fell in a place that wasn't in any way an understandable place to cut a deep gash in your leg. I was among shale, pebbles, tufts of grass and I was near tears, laughing about my predicament and praying that no one but God witnessed the atrocity of said fall. I got up as nonchalantly as possible in a way only an injured clutz can and tried to proceed forward, trying to forget the pain. I finished my trek down the ravine and swept around to meet the group. We started to free climb upwards. The pain was still seething and I didn't want to walk, let alone start an ascent to my death. okay. I know that was overly dramatic. but you get my point. We were climbing up and through these narrows to get to three peaks. After climbing the sandstone onto a shelf, i stopped, swallowed what little dignity I had left and told them of my embarrassing disaster because my soiled pants (with blood. sheesh) were making said injury worse(and to top it off, I'm a germ-a-phobe), we laughed and bandaged up my leg and continued upward.I found that if I kept moving, I forgot about my pulsating injury. Thank goodness we did A LOT of moving.

I found that climbing constantly had me introspecting and thinking of parallels to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. (for more insight, call the Heather hotline) As we ascended higher, I kept thinking to myself "There is no way I'm getting to the top of this thing! There's no way!" But I kept going, no matter how many times I fell, how many times my feet slid out from under me and I hung in desperation, I trailed at the back of the pack like the fat kid in gym class. I feel bad for the jungle children I hiked with, but they were so great, supportive and fun to hike with. Halfway through, I realized my two week old space phone had disappeared, I nearly got eaten by a tree, and was at the point where I was willing to just sit alone in a hobo chair we found and wait for the others to come and get me. But I hate giving up, throwing my hands in the air and quitting. Its not who I am. Yeah. The hike was definitely more difficult for me. So? If anything, it was motivation for me to keep going. We finally reached the peak about forty-five minutes later, stood on the top and could see everywhere. We could see Sand Hallow, Dixie Downs, everywhere! It was so beautiful. And totally worth it.

We started down climbing off this peak, which I'm sure looked absolutely hilarious, and shouts of exasperation hung in the air. (Ty: okay Heather i want you to put your right foot in the air, hold on this hand hold and jump. H: Ty, not on your life. T: Trust me! It'll be just fine H: Are you kidding me? that's suicide! Really, Ty, Really!?') I couldn't have gotten up or off of that cliff without him, so I am truly in his debt. He was amazing. I love that hairy broskee of mine. So after four hours of hiking, falling down more times than i can count on my appendages on the way down alone, sweeping the ravine for my phone but to no avail, an allergy attack at the end, and being shishkabobed at the end by the awful barbed wire, we loaded ourselves back in the grand am and drove home. On our drive back, I looked down at my raw hands- cut, bleeding and bruised. On my left hand, I looked at my ring, rather smashed from all the climbing, but the words inscribed on the band rang true. "Nothing is impossible." I did it. I climbed it. I didn't die. My phone did, but not me. I felt like I'd been through four bar fights, but the satisfaction that surged through my body at that point was rather profound. I can get through incredibly daunting things, if I know where to put my trust, have a little faith, and look to my support system, Nothing is Impossible. I'm truly grateful for the opportunity I had to go on this hike, to just walk out my front door and try something crazy with some of the most amazing people ever. I woke up early to do something good for me, to have an adventure and do something I've never done before. I failed physically most of the time by the world's standards, but I did my best. I tried. and did pretty darn good all in all. Its an experience I hope to never forget. It was truly awesome.

Here's hoping you go and have an adventure this weekend, learn some things about the greatness within yourself and the things your Father in Heaven has in store for you, and to be surrounded by great influences for good in your life. Live, laugh, and love kids. Adios!

Moe Contenders

Ok people, Here are the three contestants for Moe, my future beloved starfish. * Drum roll please*

Exhibit A

Clearly, the second exhibit, being B

And Last, and certainly not least in this case, Exhibit C.

I'd like to now poll the audience. Which Starfish should I give a loving home? I will deliberate over the popular vote and henceforth go and hunt me down a Moe. Deal? Comment away readers! Here's hoping you're having a fantastic break if you are vacationing. If you are like myself, too poor to leave the house, I hope you are enjoying the immaculate or cobweb filled corners of your brain noggin. I hope you too can have a vacation soon! Much love. Peace, love, all that jazz. Don't lick batteries, recycle, choose the right, shake what yo momma gave ya, embrace today. Adios!