Exciting Excerpt:1,078

So...my life has been a little chaotic. School has entered a short reprieve (HALLELUJAH), but time still finds a way to be filled. I'm currently in the process of landing an additional job, finding a place to live, and stepping into some very large shoes as my ward's relief society president. Also, when I'm not working like a madwoman, I get to sometimes watch my friend's niece who is experiencing a case of the awful, dreadful, down right rotten and oh so terrible two's. She's so adorable you could explode, so it makes being angry and upset nearly impossible. However, today she certainly gave me a run for my money. After alternating endless, mind-numbing episodes of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood and Paw Patrol, temper tantrums, role playing with beanie babies,  more tantrums, playing human jungle gym, playing outside, and an impromptu food fight, I was finally given a break...a bathroom break. 

When I gazed into the mirror, I was taken aback. To put it kindly, I resembled a homeless person who'd been sleeping under a bridge for a month.  It was 6 pm and if I wanted any shred of my sanity, I needed a shower and I needed it now. I turned on the water and began to relax when I heard it- the patter of tiny footsteps running down the hallway. Next, pounding on the door. My heart froze. I stopped breathing. She found me. Her tiny hands wormed their way under the crack. Soon she began screaming over and over and over at the top of her lungs " WHAT you DOING?! WHAT YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOOU DOOOIN?! WHAAAATT AARE YOOOOU DOOOIN?!" She began to listen to the curious behavior behind the door and began to connect the dots that I was attempting to flee from the vise like grip of her pudgy hands. And that I was now experiencing her favorite past time- a bath. "Bath?! I WANT BATH! I WANT BAAAAAAAFFF! " Tears began to flow, pounding intensified on the other side of the door panel, shrill shrieks began to shake the hallway. There wasn't anywhere else to run. I was doomed. Trapped. Left there in an awful, embarrassing state to rot and die. I didn't know whether or not to have a heart attack or laugh hysterically. Soon, a brave knight decided to give the toddler dragon a hot dog and get her to go to sleep and I was able to continue my bathroom break in peace. 

Needless to say, I haven't been that afraid to use a bathroom since the Piccadilly Circus tube station toilets in January which I'm sure had various strains of hepatitis and maybe a strain of the Ebola virus. 

It was an adventure. Here is just a small, exciting excerpt of my life this week. More to come. Be wary of tyrannical toddlers who happen to be drawn to water. Wishing you luck in your life and in the bathroom now and always. Xo-Heather

England.

Behold. England Pictures.
 Click. 

Stongehenge

Brighton skyline from Brighton Pier

Thames and a bit of the London skyline- Have you been to St.Paul's?

Tower Bridge

Brighton Pier

Apparently, I have a Complex.

Readers. My, my it certainly has been a long time. 

The past few months have been ones filled with fun and frenzy and adventure. I promise that I will divulge details of my UK exploits, complete with pictures and vids! Now I feel like that I just need to write SOMETHING or my soul will break. Yes. You didn't think that was even possible, now did you? Well, it can. So, to stop potential splintering from taking place, I write, I type, I bleed. Not to mention, my cute blog host background decided to die, so my blog is kind of re-vamped. Tweaking will continue to ensue, but this will have to do for the evening.

Updates, updates. What to say? I've been working like a madwoman, going to school, and still continue to moonlight as a super-hero as often as I can.
This moonlighting can sometimes cause delusions of grandeur. Take today for example-

 I stupidly stated in a CPR course this morning that I wanted to be a doctor. Immediately all eyes reverted to me as an example of what all medical protocol should be. My palms began to sweat, anxiety mounted, and I made a spectacle of my stupidity known quite quickly. First, it began with the gloves. For one of our tests, we had to simply put on gloves and demonstrate how to take them off properly. I HAVE DONE THIS PROBABLY 100,393.5 TIMES. My palms began to sweat. I stuck my hands in the gloves anyway. They wouldn't budge. The struggle continues.  Ick. Quick, get up and wash them with cool water before you make a bigger spectacle of yourself! Bad idea. Residual water all over my hands. I attempt AGAIN. Fail. Fail. Fail. RIIIIIIIP! A huge gaping hole appears in the palm of my glove and a latex comrade is lost to another clumsy human casualty. The instructor sheepishly hands me another glove, and all eyes continue to stare in pity at the girl whose plans are much too lofty if she can't even put on a stupid glove.  Everyone in the room was finished before I could even get my pinky finger in the right position. The instructor announced in front of the group that we needed to move on, so I yanked off the sticky gloves, hid the incriminating evidence underneath my left buttock, and gazed at the floor.
 Next, we learned about CPR. As if the glove incident wasn't enough, I got a bum dummy. After doing compressions like a pro, I put on the face mask and was sure I had a good seal. No matter how I tried to re-adjust the mask, the chest wouldn't inflate. I kept thinking it was something I was doing, but apparently, the bag that replicates lung movement wasn't even attached. But it was too late. The damage was already done. Because I was so flustered, I began bumbling like an idiot when saying the commands to my classmates. Instead of "Call 911, get me a first aid kit and an AED!" out sputtered "Um 911 I need, first aid kit, AED...I need all of those, in that order. Here, preferably. and please. "  Needless to say, I felt like crawling away and hiding.

My life is awesome.

Also, anxiety sucks.

And not being able to process your feelings in general.

Now, I can hear you saying "Heather, what in the name of Susan B. Anthony am I supposed to learn from your gobbledygook?"

Friends.
1. Never put yourself in a situation where you ruin your hopes to be great. (In this instance, setting yourself up for failure when you over-think how to put on gloves and your life in general. )
2. Don't eat deli food from a grocery store in the middle of nowhere. It's gross, doesn't have a time stamp, and will most likely contain too much mayonnaise.
3. Find a reliable person you know won't judge you or your thinking process, who will hold you accountable but love you unconditionally.
4. Running or cleaning  during a panic attack can work.

So- that's it. Amusing? Random? A waste of time? Let's hope not.
Thanks for reading.
Xo-Heather Ann.

January Happenings : Jumping on a Jet-plane

Call me crazy. Call me insane. Call me deluded beyond reason. But I'm doing it. I'm taking the plunge. I'm jumping into a chasm of uncertainty and I'm psyched out of my mind. My beautiful friends, I'm going back.

I leave Wednesday morning. For two weeks. AHHH!!!

(I talked to my immigration lawyer. I got the green light. I should be OK...let's hope. Prayers never hurt. I need them.) I'll keep you all posted. HOPEFULLY lots of adventures and pictures to come!

Thank you all for your love and support! Xo

201st Post! More importantly-HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL READERS!!!

for my first order of business, I'd like to proudly declare that I've FINALLY  jumped over the 200th post mark! Isn't that exciting?! It really is a shame I don't write more and it is kind of pathetic that I've been writing on this blog since 2008 and I've just barely broached the 200 mark, but hey, I'M CELEBRATING!  GO HEATHER! CONGRATULATIONS TO ME!!!!


ehem....NOW MORE IMPORTANTLY....

I sincerely apologize if any seizures occured as a result of the fantastic image above.
Please don't sue me. 

I can't tell you how incredibly excited I am for 2014! Great things are happening. I'm at a job I love, I get to serve in my Relief Society presidency and serve incredible women,  I'm starting school again TOMORROW and I hope to finish my associates by the fall. I also have been given the amazing opportunity to travel and I am working on finding a place of my very own. I feel in my bones that this year will be my year. And with that hope, I share a quote that has had me thinking about my destiny and the course that my life will take as long as I do my part. Hopefully it'll help you do the same.

This quotation by Elder Russel M. Nelson given in the October 2013 session of conference got me thinking about living the best life that I can. The following list is a result of my new-found resolution to making more effective decisions to sculpt my destiny and how I will use my talents and abilities to make my world a better place. Also, placing my resolutions here I feel will help keep me accountable so I can be more effective in this year and many more to come. 

2014 Resolutions

·         Arise early! Put the Lord first, gratitude journal and exercise. All these things will help you balance everything.

·         Make your relationship with Heavenly Father your first priority. Set aside an hour at the start of the day to study the scriptures and commune with Him.

·         Make exercise a priority- You only have one body. Treat it right. (Do some sort of physical activity 5 days a week and make consistent healthy food choices.)

·         Attend the temple bimonthly. Schedule it and don’t deviate.

·         Re-read the Book of Mormon

·         Go visiting teaching every month and make a point to attend more Family Home Evening activities.

·         Be kind and assertive always, no matter the circumstance.

·         Take time to listen and make more friends.

·         Make more long term and short term goals-don’t be afraid of dreaming! Write them down and make them happen!

·         TRAVEL MORE! Leave your mark on the world wherever you walk. Journal the experiences and get lost in the culture.

·         Finish Associates Degree

·         Read at least 10 classics this year.

·         Work on being PRESENT. Enjoy the moments now and try not to get caught up in what could be.

·         Write, write, and write some more. Don’t be afraid to document your life. (Blog, 6 gratitudes a day, study journal)

·         Study materials effectively and get good grades

·         Work on asking effective questions that illicit change in others and in yourself.

·         Seek out more effective ways to help more people by attending trainings, reading therapeutic materials, and serving others. 

     Please keep me accountable! Also, if you think I really should work on something else, let me know! I want to grow and improve! Thank you all for your help, love and support always.Wishing you success on your resolutions to improve and change for the better. Happy New Year! 

Wise Men Still Seek Him...No Matter the Age

Today my heart was exceedingly full. I had a beautiful, ordinary instance that will change the way I think of my Savior at Christmastime forever.  

Earlier today I had the opportunity to teach in Relief Society. It was no small miracle that I was ready in time due to my insane schedule at work as of late. I awoke early and was able to get it finished just in time. Heavenly Father truly blessed me with the Spirit and He guided and directed the whole lesson and it turned out wonderfully as I taught about receiving Christ in our hearts this Christmas season. Thoughts of how I could make this Christmas more sacred bounced around in my head, but nothing poignant seemed to quite stick. 

 Later that night before the fireside, I walked around the temple grounds because I wanted to see the nativity and feel the special spirit that always resides there. As I was standing there alone among many families and couples, I noticed a little boy standing in front of me with his arms folded. All the other children were running around, hanging on the ropes, giggling and wiggling in the cold air. I watched this boy stand perfectly still in reverence at the nativity scene before his eyes. Then, without provocation from anybody around him, he knelt on the frozen concrete directly in front of the baby Jesus with his head bowed for nearly a minute. Tears welled up in my eyes. This boy seemed to understand the gift given by the Father and seemed to be thanking him in his own small way, much like the shepherds and wise men standing on either side of him. As the music swelled and the lights faded at the conclusion of the nativity scene, the boy got up without a word and quietly walked away with a smile back to his family. This private moment of faith and devotion I was so privileged to see totally changed my perspective on the Christmas season. I will forever be grateful for that small boy who was unashamed and so willing to serve and honor his Savior. I pray that I may be able to kneel and awe at His feet often, unaffected by the world with a heart full of gratitude and devotion. The little boy truly was a wise man in his own right and I am so blessed to have seen this small scene to remind me of how to keep Christ in Christmas.

My friends, how will you worship him? What will you give? How will you thank Him for His life, love and sacrifice? How will you seek Him this season and always?

Please watch the top and bottom links-Both are beautiful illustrations of the Savior's birth

May this Christmas be one focused on the reason for the season. May you strive to seek Him now and always. 

Merry Christmas. May God bless you and yours always. 

I Should Have Just Stayed in Bed...

Sometimes it seems like Monday mornings are pre-destined to be tornadoes of terrible circumstance. 

You know what I mean- the mornings where all the little things that could possibly go wrong perpetuate into a hellish hurricane of lousy luck? Well readers, in a world where I honestly have no right to complain, I'd like to share the lamentations of a silly, single girl who had little rain cloud looming over her head this Monday morning, in hopes that you'll chuckle at my lunacy. 

After a long, emotional weekend dealing with enough emotional baggage to cripple a baby elephant, I crawled into my bed with weary limbs full of lead and an equally heavy heart. With barely enough energy to pull on pajamas, I pulled the covers over my head without a second thought. Thoughts that buzzed like a bustling beehive haunted my efforts to peacefully lull away to dreamland, so sleep was rough and the cat wasn't in the slightest amused. 

I awoke late the next morning, bleary-eyed, slack-jawed, hair on end, mascara remnants smeared down my pock-marked face like a zombie beauty pageant winner. Warmth encompassed my wary form beckoning me with angelic song "Stay. Your day will be better this way." 

After ten minutes of my shoulder deities ( I use this term VERY loosely) duke-ing it out, I decided it was better to suck it up, deal with what I've got, march forward, and take advantage of the day given to me. With few wardrobe changes and time quickly ticking on, I left the house with my hair a tangled mess, face barely covered up and eyes a bit more swollen than normal. I approached my clunker car with blind hope it survived the weekend. My front tire was almost deflated completely and I was already 10 minutes behind schedule to get to my class. I turned the engine over a couple times and finally got the thing to start and drove oh so slowly to a gas station a mile and a half away. Upon my arrival, I realized I didn't have ANY change. I went in, grabbed a soggy breakfast 'sandwich' that sat under a heat lamp a bit too long, and got some cash back so I could feed the Air pump machine. Grimy hands, dysfunctional hoses, silent Mormon curses, and a dollar in quarters later, I was on my way, albeit 15 minutes past class starting time. 

On my drive, I decided to test out my ninja skills. 

There is a reason why I am not a ninja. 

The sandwich- A "bacon, egg and cheese biscuit" sat sadly in plastic baggie on the passenger seat, looking soggy, bacon almost gray. The whole time I was filling up my tires I wished a hobo would have walked by so I could give him or her my expensive stomachache waiting to happen. Alas, none of my hobo friends emerged, and the sad, soggy sandwich sat and whispered in a smoky, trucker voice "Why not just take a bite, sweetheart? Who are you to turn your nose up at breakfast?"

The fat kid gave in. With one knee on the wheel, my hands ripped furiously at the tight plastic. I took a bite and gagged. The smoky trucker voice was laughing as I spat the congealed nastiness back to the plastic chasm from whence it came. I reached for a water bottle to wash away the taste of putrid breakfast from my palette and attempted to open the lid, while driving still with my knee. Water gushed through the seal, down to the natural point of flow... the crotch of my pants. I flew into a demented yoga-esque pose, nearly standing with my right foot on the pedal trying to avoid the waterfall cascading down my seat while keeping the speed limit and trying to forget the horrendous taste in my mouth, using one hand to steer, the other to wipe water away in vain like a lunatic. Five minutes later, I jumped out of my car to assess the damage, but my car was so dirty I couldn't see a reflection. I made a b-line for the nearest bathroom, up two flights of stairs and down a long hallway. I tried to frantically  use my bag to cover what moisture I could feel as I waddled toward the bathroom. I looked up to see an attractive, athletic  guy approaching me and I gave him a wan smile. He returned my smile with a shuddered grimace. I zoomed down the stretch of hall like a frazzled mess as I reached for the men's restroom door handle. I nearly screamed when I saw the blaring,unholy MEN'S sign as I started to open the door. Scarlet with embarrassment, I sprinted into the women's room to finally assess the damage. Luckily, you couldn't really tell where the water spilled because of the type of pants I was wearing, but I quickly found out why the gorgeous guy grimaced. I had leftover breakfast sandwich all over my face. 

I wouldn't smile back at me either.

I stood there, staring at myself in the mirror, not knowing what to do. 

So...I laughed. 

And laughed. and laughed. 

I picked up the little bits of dignity lying in pieces on the floor, wiped the CRAP off my face, slung my bag over my shoulder and behind, and marched to class with the hope its content would help me and my character, 20 minutes late.

 I sat at the back, pretending to be a shadow and blend into the gray walls. When class was over, I turned on the car and heard one of my brother's favorite songs and remembered it was Veteran's day and thought of my dear, sweet grandpa. I couldn't help but let the waves of memory wash over me like a rough stone by the sea as I sat solitary in the parking lot.   I drove home and missed my brother and grandfather so much I couldn't breathe. I sat and felt selfish for thinking these things, for feeling this way, for allowing myself to think of how crazy and awful my Monday had been in two hour's time, when I'm so blessed to live where I do, to have the freedoms to live and worship the way I do. 

I really am so blessed. 

But the urge to cry and assume the fetal position remained at the thought of more mania mounting on this Monday. So...I went home, and went back to my bed for a little bit to grant me more courage for more mishaps bound to happen later. ( And they did. I knocked over an entire bookshelf at JoAnn and a myriad of other objects while paroosing. I'm a hazard to bring to stores. Oh, and I cried looking at acne products and turned down time with a man to hang out with Mam after declaring earlier that I could marry him.)   

Maybe someday I'll find out why I needed this Monday. Perhaps it was just to entertain you, which may be reason enough. (If I did, I'm happy you have found a little joy in my hilarium.) Bless you for reading. 

But really...all of this could have easily been avoided

if I had only just stayed in bed.