Apparently, I have a Complex.

Readers. My, my it certainly has been a long time. 

The past few months have been ones filled with fun and frenzy and adventure. I promise that I will divulge details of my UK exploits, complete with pictures and vids! Now I feel like that I just need to write SOMETHING or my soul will break. Yes. You didn't think that was even possible, now did you? Well, it can. So, to stop potential splintering from taking place, I write, I type, I bleed. Not to mention, my cute blog host background decided to die, so my blog is kind of re-vamped. Tweaking will continue to ensue, but this will have to do for the evening.

Updates, updates. What to say? I've been working like a madwoman, going to school, and still continue to moonlight as a super-hero as often as I can.
This moonlighting can sometimes cause delusions of grandeur. Take today for example-

 I stupidly stated in a CPR course this morning that I wanted to be a doctor. Immediately all eyes reverted to me as an example of what all medical protocol should be. My palms began to sweat, anxiety mounted, and I made a spectacle of my stupidity known quite quickly. First, it began with the gloves. For one of our tests, we had to simply put on gloves and demonstrate how to take them off properly. I HAVE DONE THIS PROBABLY 100,393.5 TIMES. My palms began to sweat. I stuck my hands in the gloves anyway. They wouldn't budge. The struggle continues.  Ick. Quick, get up and wash them with cool water before you make a bigger spectacle of yourself! Bad idea. Residual water all over my hands. I attempt AGAIN. Fail. Fail. Fail. RIIIIIIIP! A huge gaping hole appears in the palm of my glove and a latex comrade is lost to another clumsy human casualty. The instructor sheepishly hands me another glove, and all eyes continue to stare in pity at the girl whose plans are much too lofty if she can't even put on a stupid glove.  Everyone in the room was finished before I could even get my pinky finger in the right position. The instructor announced in front of the group that we needed to move on, so I yanked off the sticky gloves, hid the incriminating evidence underneath my left buttock, and gazed at the floor.
 Next, we learned about CPR. As if the glove incident wasn't enough, I got a bum dummy. After doing compressions like a pro, I put on the face mask and was sure I had a good seal. No matter how I tried to re-adjust the mask, the chest wouldn't inflate. I kept thinking it was something I was doing, but apparently, the bag that replicates lung movement wasn't even attached. But it was too late. The damage was already done. Because I was so flustered, I began bumbling like an idiot when saying the commands to my classmates. Instead of "Call 911, get me a first aid kit and an AED!" out sputtered "Um 911 I need, first aid kit, AED...I need all of those, in that order. Here, preferably. and please. "  Needless to say, I felt like crawling away and hiding.

My life is awesome.

Also, anxiety sucks.

And not being able to process your feelings in general.

Now, I can hear you saying "Heather, what in the name of Susan B. Anthony am I supposed to learn from your gobbledygook?"

Friends.
1. Never put yourself in a situation where you ruin your hopes to be great. (In this instance, setting yourself up for failure when you over-think how to put on gloves and your life in general. )
2. Don't eat deli food from a grocery store in the middle of nowhere. It's gross, doesn't have a time stamp, and will most likely contain too much mayonnaise.
3. Find a reliable person you know won't judge you or your thinking process, who will hold you accountable but love you unconditionally.
4. Running or cleaning  during a panic attack can work.

So- that's it. Amusing? Random? A waste of time? Let's hope not.
Thanks for reading.
Xo-Heather Ann.

I just want to be okay

*DISCLOSURE* I'm apologize in advance for the avalanche of word vomit about to ensue. Close the tab now while you still have a chance! 
Is it okay that I don't feel okay?
Is it okay to just start spouting obvious lies like 'This summer I'm running away with the circus to become an acrobat because I enjoy hanging from vertical bars a hundred feet in the air.', 'I'm really a fairy from a mystical land, but I was placed in this wretched place by an evil queen.' "I'm allergic to the sun, so I have to live with my parents." Or 'I'm hopping on a plane to Belarus to become a bar wench because its a bit less embarrassing  than my current reality.' ?
I know that I'm blessed to live in a free country, in a home with air conditioning and food in the pantry. I know that I'm lucky I don't have to pay rent right now. I have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.
But I'm not happy.
I feel alone. I feel anxious and extremely frustrated. I feel angry, sad, lost, and restless all at once.  I hate that I'm human but am too proud to admit that I need people sometimes. I hate that I feel this way.  I want a  best friend. Someone to hug me, BE HERE WITH ME, not judge me for my obvious imperfection, and help remind me of where I'm going.
I want a new adventure. I want a new city, where no one knows my name. I want to feel the wind blowing through my hair and the sea breeze caressing my face again.
I want to permanently break the chains that are holding me here. I want to not be afraid of freedom.
I want to stop feeling like a total failure all the time. I know its all up to me.
But I need to know if it's okay to feel like this? Am I justified in feeling completely and utterly trapped? Like all my light is being squelched and that I am supposed to fade into the shadows, never to re-emerge?
I know I shouldn't wallow. I should just try to see the bright side, look forward, and stop being such a sissy. I am the feminist saying that I am going to make my own happy ending. But is it okay to just throw myself on an inanimate object and cry like my Disney princess counterparts? I'm so tired of having to be strong, of having to fix EVERYTHING all the time. I'm sick of being overlooked, of giving all that I have and no one caring. I want so bad to have something concrete in my life. I'm sick of mourning. For my heart hurting so bad that I can't breathe. I'm sick of having to be brave when I don't want to be and having to lie to myself to make it through the day. I'm sick of being scared. I'm sick of the me that I currently am. I'm sick of feeling like it'd take a miracle to fix me and everything else, so I get overwhelmed and don't.  I know I am meant to do so much more, to be so much more. I'm just...not.

I'm sick of pretending, of making myself believe things that simply aren't true.  I'm not okay.
I'm not okay today.

A serious case of wanderlust...

Yep. That's right, readers. I've been infected with a terrible, awful disease. Its metastasized to all of my organs and has reduced my brain to merely 20% of its normal function. I have what they call a deadly case of wanderlust. Like some of those infected with this disease, I've tried to act like there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, like the last thing I want to do is daydream about a far off place. But, I'm now a ticking time bomb and could be a potential danger to those I love most. I need a vacation. And  I need one fast!

I know, I know. This is where people chime in and say " But Heather, aren't you being a bit greedy? Wasn't it YOU who went on a cruise last MONTH?!"  To this I must reply that in hopes of curing my condition I did in fact go on a cruise last month. Alas, the treatment didn't take and in turn fed my disease, leaving me in a far worse state than before! It takes all that I have to not pack everything I own into a small rucksack, sell a couple organs, and fly around the world.  

Earlier this evening, my dad and I drove out to see my sister and her family at their hotel. It was located across the street from the Salt Lake International Airport, with the tarmac only mere yards away from the lobby.  Planes were landing and taking off into the sunset and all of a sudden and the whole world just seemed to stop. My heart leaped. It wrenched in agony and I gasped for air. It felt as though my heart was going to break through cozy barrier behind my ribs with suitcases in hand, jump on the plane soaring into the sun's setting rays, and never return.  (Wouldn't that be nice? I wouldn't have to feel anything terrible anymore and my heart could get a tan in Bora Bora. ) 

Exactly like that. But add a straw hat and ridiculous Hawaiian shirt.  Oh, and a virgin mojito  in a coconut. And yes, its a virgin. My little heart is still responsible.

I began to envy my heart and feel sorry for the battered little guy all at the same time. I wished for the same freedom and slight naivety that compelled my heart to essentially 'screw everything' and just leave, and I felt sorry for all the hard, terrible stuff  it'd been through in the last year alone, not to mention lifetime.  It's interesting how a mere moment can send you for a loop.
This evening has left me with questions, frustration, and a big ole helping of restlessness. My life would be so much easier if I wasn't a free spirit, but I guess it wouldn't be MY life. We're molded by these moments. It's what we decide to do with these moments, these realizations, that define our true character. How many of these moments have I allowed to flit through my fingers because I'm too scared or apathetic to receive them? I'm a creature who craves some sort of resolution in my life- but I think for tonight I will continue to brood in my stupor of thought and hope for a highly unlikely windfall. Or being slapped repeatedly with the opportunity stick.

Hold on your hearts, friends. Try not to get what I have...the only cure can be found in the high mountains of the Andes, the Great Barrier Reef, and the grassy plains of Africa. It wouldn't hurt to look in Italy. Even if it wasn't there, you'd still get fed. I mean, REALLY fed.
Until next time, readers.

Utterly Useless Post

Waaahahahahah :'( Not even Rusty the Narcoleptic dog could make me giggle! I'm so frustrated!!!! Why can't I just be happy for people!?

Therapy

So...after the ensuing weeks, I've decided that I need therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. So I put on the ginormous glasses, loose fitting pants and frock, poised with pen and pad in a overstuffed leather arm chair glowering at the brain sitting across from me, trying to conceive a possible plan on how to fix this impossible, glorious, frustrating oozing organ.  It seems sluggish, exhausted, pale, and snappish. Diagnosis?

"7 days of sun and fun, Take one cruise ship to a warm location, Repeat every 3 Months" As prescribed by a brilliant physician. :)

PLEASE! So, as prescribed by my personal therapist, I've decided to compile a list of places I'd love to vacation to, even if its just to dream, I believe it will be better for my overall decreasing mental health.

 1. San Diego, Disneyland- Just California in general. That's a helping dose of happiness. I need the beach in my life.

 2. Africa.

 3. Machu Picchu, Nazca Lines in Ica, Cuzco, Lima; Go on a South American Cruise and explore the amazon

4. Islands surrounding and including Greece, Italy, and the Mediterranean

 

5. Mt. Everest

6. India

7. England - for real, Ireland, Scotland, France, Germany etc.

8.  AUSTRALIA!!! and New Zeland

9. China 

10. Sky diving in Hawaii

11.The Moon- surf the milky way and be an astronaut and just get away from the world. 

  Its beautifully illustrated in this song by One Eskimo entitled "Astronauts" There are just a couple of ideas for now, but it has helped some. What are your dream vacations? Crazy aspirations? Thoughts? Therapy tricks slash advice? I'm always open to expanding my horizons. Or if you have some magic vacation already planned that you want to take me on, PLEASE HIT ME UP! Heaven knows I need one. Thank you readers for all your help and support! Keep it real!

Ramblings, Ramblings, and More Ramblings...

I remember there was once a time where I did, in fact, have a social life. It seems that nine months will have passed where teenaged kids have become an all encompassing part of my life. I work and sleep. Maybe watch a movie here and there, but mostly live every day in hopes of making a small difference in the lives of these teenagers I encounter on a daily basis. Maybe I'm learning more intimately about the law of sacrifice in a way. I can have a social life when I'm 80 haha.

So as I was driving home today, I just wanted to find my own place to gaze at the heavens, lay in my own field of dreams and thoughts and just sort them out, figure out my place in God's great plan.I felt so out of whack, so out of alignment- You just crave and seek solitude to figure that stuff out. I'm super excited for conference- maybe that will help bring some rest and peace to my restless heart.

One of my favorite paintings of all time - always makes me think.

so more random thoughts- the first clip is one of Adele's songs that I'm completely obsessed with and can relate extremely well to. The second is how I feel as of late because all my wingmen are disappearing! I'm tickled that they're so happy, but I just watch this clip and laugh because its so true!  Anyway, wishing you all the best.

Swiss Bank

Apparently, I'm one of these. Well, when it comes to matters of the heart. Impenetrable, closed, hard to crack- some require retinal scans, dna tests and a urine sample, plus a criminal background check, a talent show, 10 years of community service (enjoying it would be a definite plus, none of that court mandated crap), a PhD, Nobel Peace Prize, plus or minus an estate and a private jet, not to mention a sparkling personality, a love and respect for your mother (not in and Oedipus way- no incest, please)and an insatiable urge to go to Africa and adopt all the little children. Apparently those expectations are just too unrealistic! What does it take to find men like that?!


But in all seriousness. Today I was told the reason I'm second rate, over looked, never picked, just the friend, is because my heart happens to be sealed up in one of these vaults. That's the reason why I've never been able to experience someone actually liking me (you know, a normal person, who doesn't belong in a psycho ward). I have been so blessed to have so many people love and care for me and be surrounded by wonderful friends. I don't want to sound ungrateful or discredit any influence these remarkable people have had on my life and my heart, but I know that there is more.
For once in my life, I want someone to love the person that I am, to cherish me. I'm tired of being overlooked, tossed aside, and forgotten in pursuit of something bigger and better. I'm not one to just pine and wait around for some guy to grow a spine and come crawling to me. I don't want to do that anymore. I have too many things to do, too many hands to lift, mouths to feed, burdens to ease. I don't want to fritter away my time like a sad, mopey, flouncy, fragile woman waiting for her knight in shining armor to rescue her from her knitting. That's just not who I am. I need a man who is going to dream and accomplish things with me, who will inspire me to be the best I can possibly be, who will kiss my forehead frequently, comfort and hold me when I need a shoulder to cry on, who will surprise me with tickets to Disneyland, a joke, flowers or peck on the cheek now and again. I want a man who knows why he is here, who keeps his Father in Heaven at the forefront of his mind and keeps him first in his life, who recognizes the importance and beauty of people, who has a sense of humor, can keep up with my ridiculous brain, take risks and understands that the important things usually aren't the most convenient things. I am a woman who knows exactly what she wants. What she needs. I don't need every Tom, Dick and Harry poking around in this vault to see if they may be slightly interested in the precious things stored therein. That place, is for someone who will acknowledge and appreciate that special, sacred place, who is willing to do anything to get there. Until I meet that person, I am going to continue to open my heart to people- trust them, love them as best as I can and create relationships with friends. I guess its all I can do.

But sometimes I just don't understand it. I'm not a drop dead gorgeous, a size zero, quiet, a floosey, or a temptress by any means, but I'm still awesome in my own way. Why can't guys see that? Am I intimidating? Scary? Ridiculous? Help? Figuring this out may determine whether or not I can get to the Celestial Kingdom. Anyway, if you made it through all of that, I owe you a tootsie pop. Congratulations! Thanks for putting up with my rant. I am not responsible for the sudden contraction of cataracts, tufts or gray hair or slight wrinkles that may have appeared while reading this discourse.(and if so, i'll give you a tube of denture cream along with your tootsie pop) Keep it real, readers. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is true! Remember it and apply it in your life. Love you all! Wishing you all the best. Until next time, friends, ciao!

That's Life

Sometimes, I feel like this. (its a link. click the word 'this', please) Why do we unnecessarily complicate things? Not only with extraneous things like mathematics, but every element of life. Why do people complicate things? Say things they don't mean? Why can't people just be honest? Why must we always shroud our true feelings? It infuriates me like nobody's business. Do you ever have those days where you feel like your stress level has reached critical mass, but the dam keeps overflowing and spilling on you, with no regard to the fact that you could literally burst and annihilate all the villagers in the gully below at any given time? yeah. That has been my entire week thus far. I've been wrestling with critical decisions, dealing but mostly not dealing with idiotic men, I feel like I don't know who my friends are anymore, family drama, financial problems, traumatic and critical medical situations with a mother figure and I feel like my arms are tied and there's nothing I can do, and then you throw in the typical "Kade, breathe and stop bludgeoning your brother, Drew don't throw THAT in the toilet, Drew you can't run outside naked!, Riley, Is THAT even necessary?, Candy is NOT a breakfast food, Wow Drew! what a great use of your creativity! But Let's eat the cheese balls, not make a mosaic on your mother's wall, ok? ' and i swear, if I have to say pee or poop one more time...this dang dam is going to break.

So if anyone knows me well, they know that I am my own therapist on call. I need to keep breathing, realize that this is life, and keep moving forward. But most importantly, I need to keep focused on my mission, keep studying, praying like crazy, and breathe some more. Clark, my best friend, is coming home in a few days, I'm getting mission pictures taken, I have the rest of the week off to regroup and maybe muster up some courage of my own, so all in all, it will be okay. Until then readers, here's hoping that my dam or yours doesn't break anytime soon. and I keep watching this awesome mormon messages video. Love it! Click and enjoy! Much love, readers! Ciao.

Up to my ears in a funk

No, readers, I'm not referring to a horrible, awful, no good smell that I'm submerged in. I'd probably go absolutely insane, shower for 100 days until I resembled your great great aunt Murial, and single handedly be responsible for the complete depletion of hot water in Southern Utah. I'm talking about the odd transition state that I happen to be in at the present moment.  However, this funk thing must be in the water, because nearly ALL of my friends seem to be in the same sort of 'off' mood and can't explain why.

Life has been pretty mediocre lately, to say the least. I feel like I'm a menace to society, like I'm not contributing anything to life, to the Christensen family, or to normal conversation. I have felt like the chapter in St. George is coming to a close and I need to branch out and try something new. So, I've been following my gut and looking for jobs elsewhere (out of state), but to no avail. I haven't really found anything that sits right. I mean, I could try something, but I kind of want a slight affirmation proving that moving clear across the country isn't a fool's errand. Boys are being idiots, all I want is to go on my mission and serve the Lord, but I'm afraid that's turning into a cure all and an outlet for my incredible restlessness. My mother is trying as hard as she can to get me to move up with her, classes start on the 22nd and I have to figure out whether or not I'm going to reside here in the mean time, or just leave. This sense of urgency doesn't ever seem to ebb.

 I've been told that I need to just life happen for once and let opportunities happen, but how can that be if I can't work for them? Every time I get in my car, it takes all that I have to not jump on the free way and drive to the beach...7 hours away. I've been taking a lot of road trips lately and it satiates the urge to run away for a little bit, but it keeps coming back. I've dyed my hair, cleaned things, watched exceptionally exciting movies, hung out with some of my favorite people...I just don't know. I'm trying not to think about it and experience every day the best I can, finding joy in the journey, but something isn't right. Ug. There's definitely something wrong with me. Most people don't feel guilty for finally taking a vacation from life, but its killing me. Suggestions? I'm thinking I may have to go skydiving, find a random man to marry, purchase that starfish I've always wanted or wait for another lead to manifest itself. Until then, readers, here's hoping that you aren't up to your ears in a funk (in either physical or emotional state).

Lost.

I'm feeling apprehensive, swimming in a sea of doubt while the gulls of reality ceaselessly try to peck out my eyes with their thoughts of reason. Just as the torture seems to ebb, the gulls swarm and dive again, cutting deeper. I just can't seem to wrap my head around it. England seemed so perfect- I was going to go, live life in a different world, meet new people, start out fresh, with no predispositions, expectations. Now...? I'm not so sure. I'm looking at all my options, trying to keep enduring and do all that I can- I'm keeping the commandments, attending the temple as often as I can, praying, reading my scriptures and trying my very best, but I cant seem to find direction. How could something that felt SO right be completely wrong? I really didn't want to go through another 'Maine' situation. I just feel so lost. I have no idea what to do with my life if I don't go. All I want is to be happy, to experience life to the fullest and help people along the way. I can do so much good! There are lots of different options, I just don't know which one the Lord wants me to do. I just hate telling people that I'm going to go and do something and not do it. I feel like I'm quitting, letting a dream die and crash into oblivion. I hate that word, worse than the dirtiest curse word you know. I don't quit. It almost seems like I don't have the guts to stick to my guns, to follow through. I just don't want to fade into the woodwork and become like everybody else. I want to learn and experience things for myself, see the world and reach for the stars. By not doing this it feels like I'm doing just that-quitting, throwing in the towel, surrendering and going against everything in my heart wants.That's all I've ever done, because I had to. I hate it. So much. The only reason I kept going, dreaming and trying was for the hope that someday I would be able to reach for the stars. The opportunities keep slipping through my fingers. I feel like a failure.

Apparently I'm stressed. ALL THE TIME.

I am frustrated, have no one to talk to and my vanilla coke is almost gone. End of the world. 

Stressors: 

1. The project I've been working on for 8 weeks is going to pot. That means cancellations, profuse apologies, inconvenience, heart ache and feeling like an utter failure. Ug! Its like a cancelled wedding. You wouldn't wish it on a deaf donkey. He's already had to be deaf his whole life. Don't cancel a wedding on him. 

2. I have to move. Back to St. George. 

3. I'm about to embark on a international journey for a year, or at least I think I am and I don't know where yet.  

4. I haven't had a shower yet today. I know its stupid, but seriously, not being clean stresses me out. 

5. I don't know if I can register for all the online courses I need to so I can get my associates. 

6. I have to tell everyone that I'm not coming back in the fall, and that's like another cancelled wedding. I hate disappointing people. But, this is for me. I need to do this. So...I am. So I apologize in advance. 

I am the dog. Looming doom? perhaps. 

SO...yeah. Those are some stressors that I'm currently dealing with at said moment. Suggestions? Confusion? Random Outbursts? Please, feel free. Comment away, dear friends. Comment away. OH!!! And before you go, Please check out this video. It made my day a bit better. I laughed pretty hard. Just click the link. It's 30 seconds. :)   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjsE1_nZ_fs

Cathartic Activities, Please?

I dont know what it is about St. George, but it seems like a magic spell washes over and I suddenly become this uptight, angry person. Now, for all of those who do know me, I am not an angry soul. Not one bit. Some might even go as far as saying that I don't get angry enough. How do I remedy this??? Well right now, the only logical options would be
1.) Flee the country

2.) Drive everywhere and nowhere at the same time for hours on end 

3.) Go to the temple.

Well, as of late, I think the very best and most logical option for me would be option three. Wish me luck with my rage issue!And just to reiterate,  I really really don't look good in orange. :) Anywho, Here's hoping that you remain happy and anger free today! Adieu! 

Angst and psychology

One might think that the research and psychology would put one's mind at ease, but I tell you today, it does nothing of the sort. At this present moment in time, after sifting for hours for suitable topic in hundreds upon hundreds of scientific journal articles, I am giving thanks for the fact that I am no where near any sharp objects. All I want to do is gouge out my eyes, scream at the top of my lungs and run around in circles senselessly, right here in the quiet, sanctioned walls of the library at Southern Utah University.  Alas, I can not do such a thing. The reason being that I must write a 5-7 page research paper in APA style before 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. And I STILL don't have a suitable topic for said paper. BAH!!!!  I want to curl into a tiny little ball, cry, roll to Disneyland and forget that there was ever such a thing as an APA research paper that's due as the sun rises. Oh procrastination, my muse and nemesis, how I hate thee.

10,000 spoons when all I need is a knife

I think you could compile the best definition of the word "ironic" simply by analyzing ONE DAY of my life. Yesterday was a day fraught with ironic circumstances.
It all started when my dear roommate, Karen, mentioned my friend Johanna's mental breakdowns. She hadn't one in a couple days. Right in that instance, I knew that something big was going to happen. Low and behold, Johanna calls me first thing in the morning in hysterics. I'd never seen or heard her so upset. Her boyfriend just broke up with her and she wasn't doing so hott.
 Also during the same instance, I was telling Karen how busy I would be the following morning. I awoke feeling like I'd been squashed by the largest sumo wrestler known to man- head pounding, dizzy, nauseous, achy beyond belief, back labor, and abdominal pain that would make anyone wallow in misery. I'd been feeling like that for a couple days, but the worst of it arrived with the sun. Guess who also started her period that day? oh yah. So I missed my class because I couldn't move, my friend was going to run away and never come back, I looked like the wrong end of a dog, I discovered I might have to reregister for chemistry and a lab that I already paid for, and then Leslie came home in tears and wouldn't tell me what was  going on, locked herself in her room and cried the rest of the day. Johanna and her boyfriend were going to get married and i had a lesson on temple marriage in institute. My dear friend Kyle Bernard told me that studies prove that a greater consumption of iron and zinc found in many red meats will decrease ADD symptoms. I can't do red meat and I'm incredibly ADD. Early in the evening when I finally stopped feeling like I was going to projectile vomit everywhere for a few minutes, I decided to eat some pizza. It tasted incredible, but after a few bites I was back to wanting to put my head between my legs.
 Yesterday also happened to be a beautiful, spring day but it was so windy outside it was hard to walk anywhere or do anything. I also had nothing to cry about and that's ALL I wanted to do yesterday..and I did, much to my chagrin. For those of you who don't know, I HATE crying. I decided that I was going to be a girl and was in dire need of a date with Ben and Jerry and eat my feelings. So Karen and I ventured out to every convenience store in search of the ice cream saviors, but to no avail.  I sat down to watch one of my favorite movies and fell asleep and to make things absolutely fantastic, Icky Ricky texted me at 1 am and is trying to use the gospel to get me back again. oh, and I was utterly exhausted in every way imaginable and didn't go to bed til about four this morning.
That's just a very brief synopsis of some of the ironies of  just yesterday. A couple of ironies from today-an invitation to go to Disneyland with my best friend during hell week (week before finals), I finally have the time to attack my house with a vengeance and make it glisten and shine, but i'm cramping too bad to move (that's why I'm writing this-the heat of my laptop makes the pain a wee bit better), and I have no desire to watch Peter Pan. Isn't that just enough to make you want to laugh hysterically or cry? You should decide for me. I apologize that some of you actually  read all of that. Here's hoping that this weekend holds some  Easter bliss or at least a year with jellybeans that don't taste like melted plastic and wax. Until then readers, keep it real. Oh! And if you have a great ironic happening that occurred in your life today, post it in a comment! We can laugh at the sheer hilarity of said irony. Anywho, later kids.

Cruel, Commercialized, Corporate America

I hate Valentines Day decorations. The very sight of a sea of glittering pink and red is enough to make me want to puke. Valentines day was a stupid invention to make men feel guilty about not treating their wives/girlfriends with the decency and respect they deserved so they have to make a holiday so 1) Men can redeem themselves for being dolts the rest of the year 2) Or, a provide great opportunity to really screw up. Why do we have to make a holiday out of it? A guy shouldn't need a commercialized, superficial holiday to express how he feels about someone. Any day is a good day to receive flowers or a gift from the heart. We shouldn't have to put on a love parade with cherubs, heart confetti and Beatles music every February 14th.

Plus, Valentine's Day is also manifestation of all the other lonely, single people who haven't had a pesky cherub shoot them in the butt with cupid's arrow. They already feel like crap because they think no one loves them. Why rub it in? So what do we do? We get depressed, buy all the chocolate we can shove down our throats, and fill our minds with unrealistic crap found in every bad chick flick because our heart longs for something to that sappy degree. What does this say about us? We're a sick, masochistic society. Sick.

I enjoy Calvin's approach.

whoopsie

hi. I'm writing to confess of my sins. You see, this weekend was General Conference. I get so excited for general conference, you have no idea. I become completely engrossed and I completely spaced all my homework for this weekend. I got home around 12:15 this morning and still had a mountain and a half of math assignments and papers that were due. So after tackling a few math problems and becoming frustrated in every which way, i decided it would be best to put off the work until morning. Haha. I woke up at 10. i missed my first two classes and i didn't finish any of my homework. ya. I'm pretty much ground duck meat swimming in gravy right now. I need to be slapped for shirking my responsibilities and I need to have an evil twin, clone, robot or something to pick up the slack. A homework fairy would be nice....or an easy button.....or a nice heaping dose of motivation so I can sit down and actually accomplish something. *sigh* oh well. There's always tomorrow, right? :)

All in favor of SLAPPING the Sandman, say AYE!!

'Ello peeps!! I hope that everything in your lives is running smoothly and successfully. Adjusting to college life isn't easy, especially if you can't manage to pry your eyelids open to get to class. So, I want to rant a bit. Buckle up...I've offically decided that I need to slap the sandman! He has the WORST timing EVER!!! He's just like a typical man; (please don't take offense guys! I love you anyway) he's not there when you need him, and when you finally do, he runs off and leaves you stewing in a sea of troubles, thoughts and things that have to be done. He's incredibly sneaky, springing up on you at the most inopportune times...namely math class and when you happen to be sitting next to a cute guy who happens to show an incling of interest. *Sigh* I see three options at this point. One- send me some sleeping pills and some amazing homework fairies to catch me up in some of my classes. Two-Send me an amazing prioritizing/organizing wizard to help me get my life on track. Three- Send me motivation to get things completed so I can get my homework done before dawn. :( Suggestions? I'm open for any at this point. Thanks to all of you who read these random tidbits and still put up with me :P xoxo all!