201st Post! More importantly-HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL READERS!!!

for my first order of business, I'd like to proudly declare that I've FINALLY  jumped over the 200th post mark! Isn't that exciting?! It really is a shame I don't write more and it is kind of pathetic that I've been writing on this blog since 2008 and I've just barely broached the 200 mark, but hey, I'M CELEBRATING!  GO HEATHER! CONGRATULATIONS TO ME!!!!


ehem....NOW MORE IMPORTANTLY....

I sincerely apologize if any seizures occured as a result of the fantastic image above.
Please don't sue me. 

I can't tell you how incredibly excited I am for 2014! Great things are happening. I'm at a job I love, I get to serve in my Relief Society presidency and serve incredible women,  I'm starting school again TOMORROW and I hope to finish my associates by the fall. I also have been given the amazing opportunity to travel and I am working on finding a place of my very own. I feel in my bones that this year will be my year. And with that hope, I share a quote that has had me thinking about my destiny and the course that my life will take as long as I do my part. Hopefully it'll help you do the same.

This quotation by Elder Russel M. Nelson given in the October 2013 session of conference got me thinking about living the best life that I can. The following list is a result of my new-found resolution to making more effective decisions to sculpt my destiny and how I will use my talents and abilities to make my world a better place. Also, placing my resolutions here I feel will help keep me accountable so I can be more effective in this year and many more to come. 

2014 Resolutions

·         Arise early! Put the Lord first, gratitude journal and exercise. All these things will help you balance everything.

·         Make your relationship with Heavenly Father your first priority. Set aside an hour at the start of the day to study the scriptures and commune with Him.

·         Make exercise a priority- You only have one body. Treat it right. (Do some sort of physical activity 5 days a week and make consistent healthy food choices.)

·         Attend the temple bimonthly. Schedule it and don’t deviate.

·         Re-read the Book of Mormon

·         Go visiting teaching every month and make a point to attend more Family Home Evening activities.

·         Be kind and assertive always, no matter the circumstance.

·         Take time to listen and make more friends.

·         Make more long term and short term goals-don’t be afraid of dreaming! Write them down and make them happen!

·         TRAVEL MORE! Leave your mark on the world wherever you walk. Journal the experiences and get lost in the culture.

·         Finish Associates Degree

·         Read at least 10 classics this year.

·         Work on being PRESENT. Enjoy the moments now and try not to get caught up in what could be.

·         Write, write, and write some more. Don’t be afraid to document your life. (Blog, 6 gratitudes a day, study journal)

·         Study materials effectively and get good grades

·         Work on asking effective questions that illicit change in others and in yourself.

·         Seek out more effective ways to help more people by attending trainings, reading therapeutic materials, and serving others. 

     Please keep me accountable! Also, if you think I really should work on something else, let me know! I want to grow and improve! Thank you all for your help, love and support always.Wishing you success on your resolutions to improve and change for the better. Happy New Year! 

Wise Men Still Seek Him...No Matter the Age

Today my heart was exceedingly full. I had a beautiful, ordinary instance that will change the way I think of my Savior at Christmastime forever.  

Earlier today I had the opportunity to teach in Relief Society. It was no small miracle that I was ready in time due to my insane schedule at work as of late. I awoke early and was able to get it finished just in time. Heavenly Father truly blessed me with the Spirit and He guided and directed the whole lesson and it turned out wonderfully as I taught about receiving Christ in our hearts this Christmas season. Thoughts of how I could make this Christmas more sacred bounced around in my head, but nothing poignant seemed to quite stick. 

 Later that night before the fireside, I walked around the temple grounds because I wanted to see the nativity and feel the special spirit that always resides there. As I was standing there alone among many families and couples, I noticed a little boy standing in front of me with his arms folded. All the other children were running around, hanging on the ropes, giggling and wiggling in the cold air. I watched this boy stand perfectly still in reverence at the nativity scene before his eyes. Then, without provocation from anybody around him, he knelt on the frozen concrete directly in front of the baby Jesus with his head bowed for nearly a minute. Tears welled up in my eyes. This boy seemed to understand the gift given by the Father and seemed to be thanking him in his own small way, much like the shepherds and wise men standing on either side of him. As the music swelled and the lights faded at the conclusion of the nativity scene, the boy got up without a word and quietly walked away with a smile back to his family. This private moment of faith and devotion I was so privileged to see totally changed my perspective on the Christmas season. I will forever be grateful for that small boy who was unashamed and so willing to serve and honor his Savior. I pray that I may be able to kneel and awe at His feet often, unaffected by the world with a heart full of gratitude and devotion. The little boy truly was a wise man in his own right and I am so blessed to have seen this small scene to remind me of how to keep Christ in Christmas.

My friends, how will you worship him? What will you give? How will you thank Him for His life, love and sacrifice? How will you seek Him this season and always?

Please watch the top and bottom links-Both are beautiful illustrations of the Savior's birth

May this Christmas be one focused on the reason for the season. May you strive to seek Him now and always. 

Merry Christmas. May God bless you and yours always. 

I Should Have Just Stayed in Bed...

Sometimes it seems like Monday mornings are pre-destined to be tornadoes of terrible circumstance. 

You know what I mean- the mornings where all the little things that could possibly go wrong perpetuate into a hellish hurricane of lousy luck? Well readers, in a world where I honestly have no right to complain, I'd like to share the lamentations of a silly, single girl who had little rain cloud looming over her head this Monday morning, in hopes that you'll chuckle at my lunacy. 

After a long, emotional weekend dealing with enough emotional baggage to cripple a baby elephant, I crawled into my bed with weary limbs full of lead and an equally heavy heart. With barely enough energy to pull on pajamas, I pulled the covers over my head without a second thought. Thoughts that buzzed like a bustling beehive haunted my efforts to peacefully lull away to dreamland, so sleep was rough and the cat wasn't in the slightest amused. 

I awoke late the next morning, bleary-eyed, slack-jawed, hair on end, mascara remnants smeared down my pock-marked face like a zombie beauty pageant winner. Warmth encompassed my wary form beckoning me with angelic song "Stay. Your day will be better this way." 

After ten minutes of my shoulder deities ( I use this term VERY loosely) duke-ing it out, I decided it was better to suck it up, deal with what I've got, march forward, and take advantage of the day given to me. With few wardrobe changes and time quickly ticking on, I left the house with my hair a tangled mess, face barely covered up and eyes a bit more swollen than normal. I approached my clunker car with blind hope it survived the weekend. My front tire was almost deflated completely and I was already 10 minutes behind schedule to get to my class. I turned the engine over a couple times and finally got the thing to start and drove oh so slowly to a gas station a mile and a half away. Upon my arrival, I realized I didn't have ANY change. I went in, grabbed a soggy breakfast 'sandwich' that sat under a heat lamp a bit too long, and got some cash back so I could feed the Air pump machine. Grimy hands, dysfunctional hoses, silent Mormon curses, and a dollar in quarters later, I was on my way, albeit 15 minutes past class starting time. 

On my drive, I decided to test out my ninja skills. 

There is a reason why I am not a ninja. 

The sandwich- A "bacon, egg and cheese biscuit" sat sadly in plastic baggie on the passenger seat, looking soggy, bacon almost gray. The whole time I was filling up my tires I wished a hobo would have walked by so I could give him or her my expensive stomachache waiting to happen. Alas, none of my hobo friends emerged, and the sad, soggy sandwich sat and whispered in a smoky, trucker voice "Why not just take a bite, sweetheart? Who are you to turn your nose up at breakfast?"

The fat kid gave in. With one knee on the wheel, my hands ripped furiously at the tight plastic. I took a bite and gagged. The smoky trucker voice was laughing as I spat the congealed nastiness back to the plastic chasm from whence it came. I reached for a water bottle to wash away the taste of putrid breakfast from my palette and attempted to open the lid, while driving still with my knee. Water gushed through the seal, down to the natural point of flow... the crotch of my pants. I flew into a demented yoga-esque pose, nearly standing with my right foot on the pedal trying to avoid the waterfall cascading down my seat while keeping the speed limit and trying to forget the horrendous taste in my mouth, using one hand to steer, the other to wipe water away in vain like a lunatic. Five minutes later, I jumped out of my car to assess the damage, but my car was so dirty I couldn't see a reflection. I made a b-line for the nearest bathroom, up two flights of stairs and down a long hallway. I tried to frantically  use my bag to cover what moisture I could feel as I waddled toward the bathroom. I looked up to see an attractive, athletic  guy approaching me and I gave him a wan smile. He returned my smile with a shuddered grimace. I zoomed down the stretch of hall like a frazzled mess as I reached for the men's restroom door handle. I nearly screamed when I saw the blaring,unholy MEN'S sign as I started to open the door. Scarlet with embarrassment, I sprinted into the women's room to finally assess the damage. Luckily, you couldn't really tell where the water spilled because of the type of pants I was wearing, but I quickly found out why the gorgeous guy grimaced. I had leftover breakfast sandwich all over my face. 

I wouldn't smile back at me either.

I stood there, staring at myself in the mirror, not knowing what to do. 

So...I laughed. 

And laughed. and laughed. 

I picked up the little bits of dignity lying in pieces on the floor, wiped the CRAP off my face, slung my bag over my shoulder and behind, and marched to class with the hope its content would help me and my character, 20 minutes late.

 I sat at the back, pretending to be a shadow and blend into the gray walls. When class was over, I turned on the car and heard one of my brother's favorite songs and remembered it was Veteran's day and thought of my dear, sweet grandpa. I couldn't help but let the waves of memory wash over me like a rough stone by the sea as I sat solitary in the parking lot.   I drove home and missed my brother and grandfather so much I couldn't breathe. I sat and felt selfish for thinking these things, for feeling this way, for allowing myself to think of how crazy and awful my Monday had been in two hour's time, when I'm so blessed to live where I do, to have the freedoms to live and worship the way I do. 

I really am so blessed. 

But the urge to cry and assume the fetal position remained at the thought of more mania mounting on this Monday. So...I went home, and went back to my bed for a little bit to grant me more courage for more mishaps bound to happen later. ( And they did. I knocked over an entire bookshelf at JoAnn and a myriad of other objects while paroosing. I'm a hazard to bring to stores. Oh, and I cried looking at acne products and turned down time with a man to hang out with Mam after declaring earlier that I could marry him.)   

Maybe someday I'll find out why I needed this Monday. Perhaps it was just to entertain you, which may be reason enough. (If I did, I'm happy you have found a little joy in my hilarium.) Bless you for reading. 

But really...all of this could have easily been avoided

if I had only just stayed in bed. 

The Perils of the Dating Swamp

I'm sick of trudging through the dating swamp, picking up warty toad after toad in pursuit of a prince. I'm up to my eyeballs in muck and I am losing what little patience I have left. Am I destined to become the exception to the rule that everyone has another half, doomed to wander in this swamp forever? Even 'swamp people' have someone!  I'm just finished with the games, the drama, and with feeling like I'm not worthy enough to be pursued.
 Please. I'm not a super model, but I'm pretty fantastic.
Why can't any guy who is NORMAL see that?
Ugh.

Autumn: A List.

Hey there, friends! IT'S OCTOBER!!!! FALLELUJAH!*squeals and leaps for joy* Which means that autumn comes on swift wings! (I know the first day of fall was in September, but it doesn't feel official until October for me.)
To quote one of my favorite literary heroines, I woke up this morning with this thought bursting from my lips.

Autumn is my favorite season of all time. I love the way it feels, smells, sounds and looks. It opens a doorway to the most exciting and special time of the year, ushering in change and improvement, togetherness, gratitude, love, and giving. I get to play all through autumn and then I get to celebrate Christmas too!? It's a dream come true every October.  But friends, I have come prepared. In case you aren't quite in the autumnal spirit, I've decided to compile a list of all the things I happen to adore about fall to try to get you there. You ready? *ahem*. 

AUTUMN: A LIST.

• sweaters
• scarves
• boots
• pumpkins of every shape, size and color
• pumpkin patches
• apple picking
• caramel and candied apples
• brisk nights under the stars in corn fields and apple orchards. 
• warm apple cider, hot cocoa, and fresh doughnuts
• vibrant reds, yellows, oranges of the changing leaves
• walking among tombstones as the leaves crunch beneath my feet
• hay rides and corn mazes
• smells of apple pies, pumpkin pies, and all manner of sweet treats baking. 
• homemade soup and warm bread
• crisp air that fills your lungs and makes you feel alive
• the tangible 'magic' looming in the air
• the promise and graceful embrace of change
• gathering of loved ones
• the smell of chimneys smoking 
• pumpkin carving and the  golden glow of jack o' lanterns on porch steps
• school! A return to learning 
• school supplies. I love, Love, LOVE school supplies. A bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils would be a lovely gift. 
• leaf fights!
• being engulfed into large piles of crackling foliage again and again and again. It makes raking worthwhile, you know.
• a hand in your pocket and one entwined with someone special to keep your fingers warm
• if you don't have a special someone, gloves are great too!
• pie is an art form all season long. It's a pie parade!
• sunflowers and mums
• it's a time where watching classic thrillers is encouraged. YAY for Hitchcock films, Arsenic and Old Lace and It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! 
• speaking of pumpkin...every pumpkin dessert imaginable
• Thanksgiving. 
• curling up with a blanket, a good book, and with a warm cup of tea. 
• hikes among the trees and canyon drives to see a canvas of color
• fall carnivals and harvest festivals
• football games 
• rosy cheeks and pink noses
• General Conference!!!
• It's a whole SEASON of change, gratitude, togetherness, and love. 

Well friends, if that doesn't get you excited for fall, I don't know what will! If you think of more reasons why you love fall, comment below!  Autumn is out there, my beloved friends. Magic is in the air.  Go and play.

Puzzled.

                                  

I feel like I'm wandering through a picture as a fraudulent player. As if I'm walking in a reality that belongs to everyone else I see but me. Everyone has a place, a purpose, a home, where they  reside, thrive, belong. As I walk along, gazing into the lives of those who surround me, I feel like an intruder, observing special moments I shouldn't see. I'm surrounded by amazing friends, but that doesn't fill the void pulsating in the pit of my stomach that I don't belong here, like a homing device is going haywire in my chest pulling me everywhere and anywhere but here.

 Its like I'm a background piece of a puzzle, with similar foliage and coloring, but the edges don't align, no matter how hard you manipulate the situation. I'm in a phase of my life where it's hard to relate to others around me, especially since I've been "blessed" with such unique and difficult circumstances. Everyone exists in their perfect universe and when you don't live up the expectations of that universe, you're shunned, labeled, treated inferior. So you ignore it, brush it off, and keep pretending and/or move on in search of your pieces elsewhere.

 Days like today I want to throw my hands in the air and jump on a bus, plane, train heading to a bright horizon, a new start, preferably to Boston or New York or Bermuda where no one knows my name, my story, or anything that I've ever done or not done. Where I can have another chance to find out if I fit in another picture and be an actual player in the beauty instead of feeling like a washed-up fraud or an intrusive observer.  I guess that this is what being homeless must be like; forced to wander without knowing how long you'll have your bases covered and if you'll make it through , never fitting really, just existing like a fly on a wall. It's not ideal, but it's what I've got.  In the meantime, I'll make the best of this. I'll find my road, my new adventure. I'll get by another day knowing that someday I'll fit.  And that's enough, I guess. It has to be. 

Sanctifying September

 Hello readers. September is upon us. Summer is winding down, with Autumn closely at its heels. Change is whipping in the wind and it has already worked quite a number on me the past couple weeks. I don't wish to go into great detail about this time of great and abrupt development in my life, but with the changing of the seasons has come a great change in the season of my life, changes that haven't been the easiest to swallow.

It's been... a refining couple of weeks. I feel parts of me scorched, charred, purged, and purified. And how I hope and pray the pain is worth it.  I've felt moments of revelation, indignation, anger, utter loneliness, bitterness, betrayal, and hopelessness. I've cried far too much.  I've felt as if my heart has been stretched as thin as aged translucent paper, one pull away from ripping beyond repair.

 In turn, I've been blessed more than I could ever dream. I'm surrounded by those who love me, believe in me, and care for my well-being. I have a warm bed to sleep in, food in my belly, and hands to catch me if I fall. Most importantly, I've been given an opportunity to become the person that I want to become in the best manner, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I've been able to go forward with faith in building my life on a sure foundation through the gospel of Jesus Christ. I get the opportunity to really seek him, to know him, and apply his healing balm on the festering wounds of my heart I never thought would heal. I'm finding as I do this, the chains that have bound me for years are slowly starting to fall and I'm able to move forward with a confidence I could not ever possess on my own. It's a hard and difficult process, but the Lord is blessing and sanctifying my feeble, human efforts.

 I am attending institute four days a week and learning of the nature of my Father in Heaven, His son and the incredible atoning sacrifice he made for all, of how I fit in His miraculous plan, and the skills I need to possess to be a righteous wife and mother in the trying days to come. I'm beginning to finally see the principle Thomas S. Monson taught, that" the future is  as bright as your faith." What a marvelous thing to witness.  I know that the Lord will not abandon those who put their trust in his ample arm, especially those who feel like they have no where to turn.  I was really touched by words spoken by  President Henry B. Eyring in April 2012 on the subject. The video posted below has helped me keep some perspective during this unexpected trial and I am so grateful for the strength it has granted me.  May his words help lift you if you are struggling and are unsure of where to go or how to proceed with the days ahead.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is true. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is infinite and intimate and can grant us the strength and courage we couldn't muster on our own. His way is the only way. It shapes us into the sons and daughters we were meant to be and helps make up the difference until we get there.  He will bless us and others as we step forward in faith to do His work upon the earth. May the Lord bless you in your endeavors to draw near unto him,  as he is so richly blessing me.
Until next time, may God bless you and those you love.