New Beginning.

Hello my wonderful readers.

My, it has been a remarkable journey. I realized though that I haven't been making the proper use of this beautiful blog. I feel that it has served its purpose and I need a fresh start. Unfortunately, that means that this blog will no longer be. Heatherisms will continue, just in a different place. Find me and follow me at heatherismsandhilarium.wordpress.com

I promise more laughs will be had there and hopefully more memories and moments shared.

It has been wonderful. Thank you for the space, the love, and the support.  Au revoir!
xo always,
Heather

My Own Tragic Comedy:Life and Vulnerability

I often wait for parts of my life to be sparkling and pristine before I divulge to my readers what life looks like for me, but I'm finding that it just isn't realistic if I want to keep up a blog. Most importantly, I won't ever share any parts of my life if that's the case. More and more I feel like I'm leading a tragic comedy, with each painful instance pulsating and reverberating the void, perpetuating the idea that I'll always be falling in a ditch somewhere...alone, tripping up the stairs and spilling my neighbor's coffee on accident...alone, and after declaring my love, ending up alone.

I get these notions that certain events are going to occur, and they end up hilariously underwhelming. For instance, I somehow imagined that things were improving the realm of men and that I may have the odd chance of getting smooched. I did, but I was attacked by a old friend with down-syndrome who got the wrong idea about what a friendship really looks like. The week before this, I was asked to be someone's girlfriend five times in the space of twenty minutes. Unfortunately, he didn't quite get the hint and he wasn't exactly the type of man I'd like to be mine for eternity. I promised him a date with a girl that I knew and I'm praying that this magical girl will appear sometime VERY soon so I can avoid more unpleasant circumstances like this in the very near future.

Also, I'd been planning on having a very serious, emotional conversation with a friend Thursday night and was planning on using the next day to cry if things didn't go as planned. Life has a funny way of giving you things you plan for in unexpected ways. I did use all of Friday to cry, but it was for very different reasons. My incredible uncle Peter quietly slipped through the veil  Thursday night. I had worked for 12 hours and was headed over to hear my kid from New York open his mission call when I saw my mom's face light up on my phone. She told me that he died alone and my heart burst into a hundred pieces. Not Peter. I walked in and feigned overwhelming joy when Austin opened his call. I was so proud of him, and it was so good to see Kristina, but her eyes. Suzy's eyes. More pain.  I went over to my friend's house and cried holding my broken heart. I sat on his couch and stared up at him, finding it ironic that I'd imagined myself in the exact same place, but crying over him, not my uncle.

The next day I felt numb. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe. All the emotion I'd been carrying for so long collapsed, crushing me. I lay immobilized in my bed and didn't get up for hours. I've been running on fumes since then, emotions and thoughts everywhere and nowhere. More quiet blows of life hit since then. Today I lay in my bed for hours and skipped church and all other obligations and cooked-trying to create beauty from the mess inside my mind.

I made a lot of food.

My roommates did not complain.

After stifling and ignoring emotions again, I attempted to write, and then got sucked into the idea that everything had to be perfect, and then I got lost in the  thought of who I am writing for. One of those people was always Peter-a man who believed I could write anything and be anything. Now I'm not so sure.  I've been struggling with this idea of vulnerability-  what it really means, what it entails, what it looks like, and how to just let go.  I know that I can't get anywhere I want without it. It's just...so hard. This means being honest, running the risk of being a burden, allowing people to see all of me and gracefully allowing the consequences to happen. This means allowing myself the opportunity to be loved. (It's taking a lot of vulnerability to post this)

I can only continue to live the life I've been given now. Sometimes that means not being okay for a few days. For now, I will try to communicate the best I can, focus on the plan of salvation, try and keep up with school during all of this, pray for strength and to be open to these difficult life lessons, and breathe. It's all I can do. Until then, prayers would be appreciated. Most importantly, Keep my Aunt Kathy in your prayers. She is the most incredible woman I know and she could use the love and support at this time.


Facebook Post from Friday.

My beloved uncle Peter quietly passed beyond the veil last night. Thank you Peter for always making me laugh, for always loving me and believing in the beauty of my dreams when I may not have believed they were possible. Thank you for taking the time to see me and my inner brilliance when I felt small and overlooked. Thank you for your perseverance, your on point humor, and for unashamedly being you. You definitely are one of my heroes! I love you. Rest in peace. Your giant heart and spirit will be greatly missed

 — with Kathy Harnett and Peter Harnett.

As of late....

So...my life has been full of stress, mayhem, adventure, and wonderful moments.

This past week has been rife with them. I moved out of my new place and into a gorgeous apartment with two wonderful girls named Leeanne and Megan. I got to spend the 4th with my nephew and momma ANNND I got a brand new niece the VERY NEXT MORNING. And I got promoted at work.
 Blessed? I think so.
Longer update to come. Until then, count your blessings! I know I am.
The Lord loves you, and so do I.

xo-Heather Ann

All moved in to my beautiful new apartment! 

4th of July with this adorable one

Holding the beautiful, new Ryleigh Ann Pickett.
Born July 5th, 2014 7lbs 4oz at 7:14 am 

Exciting Excerpt:1,078

So...my life has been a little chaotic. School has entered a short reprieve (HALLELUJAH), but time still finds a way to be filled. I'm currently in the process of landing an additional job, finding a place to live, and stepping into some very large shoes as my ward's relief society president. Also, when I'm not working like a madwoman, I get to sometimes watch my friend's niece who is experiencing a case of the awful, dreadful, down right rotten and oh so terrible two's. She's so adorable you could explode, so it makes being angry and upset nearly impossible. However, today she certainly gave me a run for my money. After alternating endless, mind-numbing episodes of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood and Paw Patrol, temper tantrums, role playing with beanie babies,  more tantrums, playing human jungle gym, playing outside, and an impromptu food fight, I was finally given a break...a bathroom break. 

When I gazed into the mirror, I was taken aback. To put it kindly, I resembled a homeless person who'd been sleeping under a bridge for a month.  It was 6 pm and if I wanted any shred of my sanity, I needed a shower and I needed it now. I turned on the water and began to relax when I heard it- the patter of tiny footsteps running down the hallway. Next, pounding on the door. My heart froze. I stopped breathing. She found me. Her tiny hands wormed their way under the crack. Soon she began screaming over and over and over at the top of her lungs " WHAT you DOING?! WHAT YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOOU DOOOIN?! WHAAAATT AARE YOOOOU DOOOIN?!" She began to listen to the curious behavior behind the door and began to connect the dots that I was attempting to flee from the vise like grip of her pudgy hands. And that I was now experiencing her favorite past time- a bath. "Bath?! I WANT BATH! I WANT BAAAAAAAFFF! " Tears began to flow, pounding intensified on the other side of the door panel, shrill shrieks began to shake the hallway. There wasn't anywhere else to run. I was doomed. Trapped. Left there in an awful, embarrassing state to rot and die. I didn't know whether or not to have a heart attack or laugh hysterically. Soon, a brave knight decided to give the toddler dragon a hot dog and get her to go to sleep and I was able to continue my bathroom break in peace. 

Needless to say, I haven't been that afraid to use a bathroom since the Piccadilly Circus tube station toilets in January which I'm sure had various strains of hepatitis and maybe a strain of the Ebola virus. 

It was an adventure. Here is just a small, exciting excerpt of my life this week. More to come. Be wary of tyrannical toddlers who happen to be drawn to water. Wishing you luck in your life and in the bathroom now and always. Xo-Heather

England.

Behold. England Pictures.
 Click. 

Stongehenge

Brighton skyline from Brighton Pier

Thames and a bit of the London skyline- Have you been to St.Paul's?

Tower Bridge

Brighton Pier

Apparently, I have a Complex.

Readers. My, my it certainly has been a long time. 

The past few months have been ones filled with fun and frenzy and adventure. I promise that I will divulge details of my UK exploits, complete with pictures and vids! Now I feel like that I just need to write SOMETHING or my soul will break. Yes. You didn't think that was even possible, now did you? Well, it can. So, to stop potential splintering from taking place, I write, I type, I bleed. Not to mention, my cute blog host background decided to die, so my blog is kind of re-vamped. Tweaking will continue to ensue, but this will have to do for the evening.

Updates, updates. What to say? I've been working like a madwoman, going to school, and still continue to moonlight as a super-hero as often as I can.
This moonlighting can sometimes cause delusions of grandeur. Take today for example-

 I stupidly stated in a CPR course this morning that I wanted to be a doctor. Immediately all eyes reverted to me as an example of what all medical protocol should be. My palms began to sweat, anxiety mounted, and I made a spectacle of my stupidity known quite quickly. First, it began with the gloves. For one of our tests, we had to simply put on gloves and demonstrate how to take them off properly. I HAVE DONE THIS PROBABLY 100,393.5 TIMES. My palms began to sweat. I stuck my hands in the gloves anyway. They wouldn't budge. The struggle continues.  Ick. Quick, get up and wash them with cool water before you make a bigger spectacle of yourself! Bad idea. Residual water all over my hands. I attempt AGAIN. Fail. Fail. Fail. RIIIIIIIP! A huge gaping hole appears in the palm of my glove and a latex comrade is lost to another clumsy human casualty. The instructor sheepishly hands me another glove, and all eyes continue to stare in pity at the girl whose plans are much too lofty if she can't even put on a stupid glove.  Everyone in the room was finished before I could even get my pinky finger in the right position. The instructor announced in front of the group that we needed to move on, so I yanked off the sticky gloves, hid the incriminating evidence underneath my left buttock, and gazed at the floor.
 Next, we learned about CPR. As if the glove incident wasn't enough, I got a bum dummy. After doing compressions like a pro, I put on the face mask and was sure I had a good seal. No matter how I tried to re-adjust the mask, the chest wouldn't inflate. I kept thinking it was something I was doing, but apparently, the bag that replicates lung movement wasn't even attached. But it was too late. The damage was already done. Because I was so flustered, I began bumbling like an idiot when saying the commands to my classmates. Instead of "Call 911, get me a first aid kit and an AED!" out sputtered "Um 911 I need, first aid kit, AED...I need all of those, in that order. Here, preferably. and please. "  Needless to say, I felt like crawling away and hiding.

My life is awesome.

Also, anxiety sucks.

And not being able to process your feelings in general.

Now, I can hear you saying "Heather, what in the name of Susan B. Anthony am I supposed to learn from your gobbledygook?"

Friends.
1. Never put yourself in a situation where you ruin your hopes to be great. (In this instance, setting yourself up for failure when you over-think how to put on gloves and your life in general. )
2. Don't eat deli food from a grocery store in the middle of nowhere. It's gross, doesn't have a time stamp, and will most likely contain too much mayonnaise.
3. Find a reliable person you know won't judge you or your thinking process, who will hold you accountable but love you unconditionally.
4. Running or cleaning  during a panic attack can work.

So- that's it. Amusing? Random? A waste of time? Let's hope not.
Thanks for reading.
Xo-Heather Ann.

January Happenings : Jumping on a Jet-plane

Call me crazy. Call me insane. Call me deluded beyond reason. But I'm doing it. I'm taking the plunge. I'm jumping into a chasm of uncertainty and I'm psyched out of my mind. My beautiful friends, I'm going back.

I leave Wednesday morning. For two weeks. AHHH!!!

(I talked to my immigration lawyer. I got the green light. I should be OK...let's hope. Prayers never hurt. I need them.) I'll keep you all posted. HOPEFULLY lots of adventures and pictures to come!

Thank you all for your love and support! Xo

201st Post! More importantly-HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL READERS!!!

for my first order of business, I'd like to proudly declare that I've FINALLY  jumped over the 200th post mark! Isn't that exciting?! It really is a shame I don't write more and it is kind of pathetic that I've been writing on this blog since 2008 and I've just barely broached the 200 mark, but hey, I'M CELEBRATING!  GO HEATHER! CONGRATULATIONS TO ME!!!!


ehem....NOW MORE IMPORTANTLY....

I sincerely apologize if any seizures occured as a result of the fantastic image above.
Please don't sue me. 

I can't tell you how incredibly excited I am for 2014! Great things are happening. I'm at a job I love, I get to serve in my Relief Society presidency and serve incredible women,  I'm starting school again TOMORROW and I hope to finish my associates by the fall. I also have been given the amazing opportunity to travel and I am working on finding a place of my very own. I feel in my bones that this year will be my year. And with that hope, I share a quote that has had me thinking about my destiny and the course that my life will take as long as I do my part. Hopefully it'll help you do the same.

This quotation by Elder Russel M. Nelson given in the October 2013 session of conference got me thinking about living the best life that I can. The following list is a result of my new-found resolution to making more effective decisions to sculpt my destiny and how I will use my talents and abilities to make my world a better place. Also, placing my resolutions here I feel will help keep me accountable so I can be more effective in this year and many more to come. 

2014 Resolutions

·         Arise early! Put the Lord first, gratitude journal and exercise. All these things will help you balance everything.

·         Make your relationship with Heavenly Father your first priority. Set aside an hour at the start of the day to study the scriptures and commune with Him.

·         Make exercise a priority- You only have one body. Treat it right. (Do some sort of physical activity 5 days a week and make consistent healthy food choices.)

·         Attend the temple bimonthly. Schedule it and don’t deviate.

·         Re-read the Book of Mormon

·         Go visiting teaching every month and make a point to attend more Family Home Evening activities.

·         Be kind and assertive always, no matter the circumstance.

·         Take time to listen and make more friends.

·         Make more long term and short term goals-don’t be afraid of dreaming! Write them down and make them happen!

·         TRAVEL MORE! Leave your mark on the world wherever you walk. Journal the experiences and get lost in the culture.

·         Finish Associates Degree

·         Read at least 10 classics this year.

·         Work on being PRESENT. Enjoy the moments now and try not to get caught up in what could be.

·         Write, write, and write some more. Don’t be afraid to document your life. (Blog, 6 gratitudes a day, study journal)

·         Study materials effectively and get good grades

·         Work on asking effective questions that illicit change in others and in yourself.

·         Seek out more effective ways to help more people by attending trainings, reading therapeutic materials, and serving others. 

     Please keep me accountable! Also, if you think I really should work on something else, let me know! I want to grow and improve! Thank you all for your help, love and support always.Wishing you success on your resolutions to improve and change for the better. Happy New Year! 

Wise Men Still Seek Him...No Matter the Age

Today my heart was exceedingly full. I had a beautiful, ordinary instance that will change the way I think of my Savior at Christmastime forever.  

Earlier today I had the opportunity to teach in Relief Society. It was no small miracle that I was ready in time due to my insane schedule at work as of late. I awoke early and was able to get it finished just in time. Heavenly Father truly blessed me with the Spirit and He guided and directed the whole lesson and it turned out wonderfully as I taught about receiving Christ in our hearts this Christmas season. Thoughts of how I could make this Christmas more sacred bounced around in my head, but nothing poignant seemed to quite stick. 

 Later that night before the fireside, I walked around the temple grounds because I wanted to see the nativity and feel the special spirit that always resides there. As I was standing there alone among many families and couples, I noticed a little boy standing in front of me with his arms folded. All the other children were running around, hanging on the ropes, giggling and wiggling in the cold air. I watched this boy stand perfectly still in reverence at the nativity scene before his eyes. Then, without provocation from anybody around him, he knelt on the frozen concrete directly in front of the baby Jesus with his head bowed for nearly a minute. Tears welled up in my eyes. This boy seemed to understand the gift given by the Father and seemed to be thanking him in his own small way, much like the shepherds and wise men standing on either side of him. As the music swelled and the lights faded at the conclusion of the nativity scene, the boy got up without a word and quietly walked away with a smile back to his family. This private moment of faith and devotion I was so privileged to see totally changed my perspective on the Christmas season. I will forever be grateful for that small boy who was unashamed and so willing to serve and honor his Savior. I pray that I may be able to kneel and awe at His feet often, unaffected by the world with a heart full of gratitude and devotion. The little boy truly was a wise man in his own right and I am so blessed to have seen this small scene to remind me of how to keep Christ in Christmas.

My friends, how will you worship him? What will you give? How will you thank Him for His life, love and sacrifice? How will you seek Him this season and always?

Please watch the top and bottom links-Both are beautiful illustrations of the Savior's birth

May this Christmas be one focused on the reason for the season. May you strive to seek Him now and always. 

Merry Christmas. May God bless you and yours always. 

I Should Have Just Stayed in Bed...

Sometimes it seems like Monday mornings are pre-destined to be tornadoes of terrible circumstance. 

You know what I mean- the mornings where all the little things that could possibly go wrong perpetuate into a hellish hurricane of lousy luck? Well readers, in a world where I honestly have no right to complain, I'd like to share the lamentations of a silly, single girl who had little rain cloud looming over her head this Monday morning, in hopes that you'll chuckle at my lunacy. 

After a long, emotional weekend dealing with enough emotional baggage to cripple a baby elephant, I crawled into my bed with weary limbs full of lead and an equally heavy heart. With barely enough energy to pull on pajamas, I pulled the covers over my head without a second thought. Thoughts that buzzed like a bustling beehive haunted my efforts to peacefully lull away to dreamland, so sleep was rough and the cat wasn't in the slightest amused. 

I awoke late the next morning, bleary-eyed, slack-jawed, hair on end, mascara remnants smeared down my pock-marked face like a zombie beauty pageant winner. Warmth encompassed my wary form beckoning me with angelic song "Stay. Your day will be better this way." 

After ten minutes of my shoulder deities ( I use this term VERY loosely) duke-ing it out, I decided it was better to suck it up, deal with what I've got, march forward, and take advantage of the day given to me. With few wardrobe changes and time quickly ticking on, I left the house with my hair a tangled mess, face barely covered up and eyes a bit more swollen than normal. I approached my clunker car with blind hope it survived the weekend. My front tire was almost deflated completely and I was already 10 minutes behind schedule to get to my class. I turned the engine over a couple times and finally got the thing to start and drove oh so slowly to a gas station a mile and a half away. Upon my arrival, I realized I didn't have ANY change. I went in, grabbed a soggy breakfast 'sandwich' that sat under a heat lamp a bit too long, and got some cash back so I could feed the Air pump machine. Grimy hands, dysfunctional hoses, silent Mormon curses, and a dollar in quarters later, I was on my way, albeit 15 minutes past class starting time. 

On my drive, I decided to test out my ninja skills. 

There is a reason why I am not a ninja. 

The sandwich- A "bacon, egg and cheese biscuit" sat sadly in plastic baggie on the passenger seat, looking soggy, bacon almost gray. The whole time I was filling up my tires I wished a hobo would have walked by so I could give him or her my expensive stomachache waiting to happen. Alas, none of my hobo friends emerged, and the sad, soggy sandwich sat and whispered in a smoky, trucker voice "Why not just take a bite, sweetheart? Who are you to turn your nose up at breakfast?"

The fat kid gave in. With one knee on the wheel, my hands ripped furiously at the tight plastic. I took a bite and gagged. The smoky trucker voice was laughing as I spat the congealed nastiness back to the plastic chasm from whence it came. I reached for a water bottle to wash away the taste of putrid breakfast from my palette and attempted to open the lid, while driving still with my knee. Water gushed through the seal, down to the natural point of flow... the crotch of my pants. I flew into a demented yoga-esque pose, nearly standing with my right foot on the pedal trying to avoid the waterfall cascading down my seat while keeping the speed limit and trying to forget the horrendous taste in my mouth, using one hand to steer, the other to wipe water away in vain like a lunatic. Five minutes later, I jumped out of my car to assess the damage, but my car was so dirty I couldn't see a reflection. I made a b-line for the nearest bathroom, up two flights of stairs and down a long hallway. I tried to frantically  use my bag to cover what moisture I could feel as I waddled toward the bathroom. I looked up to see an attractive, athletic  guy approaching me and I gave him a wan smile. He returned my smile with a shuddered grimace. I zoomed down the stretch of hall like a frazzled mess as I reached for the men's restroom door handle. I nearly screamed when I saw the blaring,unholy MEN'S sign as I started to open the door. Scarlet with embarrassment, I sprinted into the women's room to finally assess the damage. Luckily, you couldn't really tell where the water spilled because of the type of pants I was wearing, but I quickly found out why the gorgeous guy grimaced. I had leftover breakfast sandwich all over my face. 

I wouldn't smile back at me either.

I stood there, staring at myself in the mirror, not knowing what to do. 

So...I laughed. 

And laughed. and laughed. 

I picked up the little bits of dignity lying in pieces on the floor, wiped the CRAP off my face, slung my bag over my shoulder and behind, and marched to class with the hope its content would help me and my character, 20 minutes late.

 I sat at the back, pretending to be a shadow and blend into the gray walls. When class was over, I turned on the car and heard one of my brother's favorite songs and remembered it was Veteran's day and thought of my dear, sweet grandpa. I couldn't help but let the waves of memory wash over me like a rough stone by the sea as I sat solitary in the parking lot.   I drove home and missed my brother and grandfather so much I couldn't breathe. I sat and felt selfish for thinking these things, for feeling this way, for allowing myself to think of how crazy and awful my Monday had been in two hour's time, when I'm so blessed to live where I do, to have the freedoms to live and worship the way I do. 

I really am so blessed. 

But the urge to cry and assume the fetal position remained at the thought of more mania mounting on this Monday. So...I went home, and went back to my bed for a little bit to grant me more courage for more mishaps bound to happen later. ( And they did. I knocked over an entire bookshelf at JoAnn and a myriad of other objects while paroosing. I'm a hazard to bring to stores. Oh, and I cried looking at acne products and turned down time with a man to hang out with Mam after declaring earlier that I could marry him.)   

Maybe someday I'll find out why I needed this Monday. Perhaps it was just to entertain you, which may be reason enough. (If I did, I'm happy you have found a little joy in my hilarium.) Bless you for reading. 

But really...all of this could have easily been avoided

if I had only just stayed in bed. 

The Perils of the Dating Swamp

I'm sick of trudging through the dating swamp, picking up warty toad after toad in pursuit of a prince. I'm up to my eyeballs in muck and I am losing what little patience I have left. Am I destined to become the exception to the rule that everyone has another half, doomed to wander in this swamp forever? Even 'swamp people' have someone!  I'm just finished with the games, the drama, and with feeling like I'm not worthy enough to be pursued.
 Please. I'm not a super model, but I'm pretty fantastic.
Why can't any guy who is NORMAL see that?
Ugh.

Autumn: A List.

Hey there, friends! IT'S OCTOBER!!!! FALLELUJAH!*squeals and leaps for joy* Which means that autumn comes on swift wings! (I know the first day of fall was in September, but it doesn't feel official until October for me.)
To quote one of my favorite literary heroines, I woke up this morning with this thought bursting from my lips.

Autumn is my favorite season of all time. I love the way it feels, smells, sounds and looks. It opens a doorway to the most exciting and special time of the year, ushering in change and improvement, togetherness, gratitude, love, and giving. I get to play all through autumn and then I get to celebrate Christmas too!? It's a dream come true every October.  But friends, I have come prepared. In case you aren't quite in the autumnal spirit, I've decided to compile a list of all the things I happen to adore about fall to try to get you there. You ready? *ahem*. 

AUTUMN: A LIST.

• sweaters
• scarves
• boots
• pumpkins of every shape, size and color
• pumpkin patches
• apple picking
• caramel and candied apples
• brisk nights under the stars in corn fields and apple orchards. 
• warm apple cider, hot cocoa, and fresh doughnuts
• vibrant reds, yellows, oranges of the changing leaves
• walking among tombstones as the leaves crunch beneath my feet
• hay rides and corn mazes
• smells of apple pies, pumpkin pies, and all manner of sweet treats baking. 
• homemade soup and warm bread
• crisp air that fills your lungs and makes you feel alive
• the tangible 'magic' looming in the air
• the promise and graceful embrace of change
• gathering of loved ones
• the smell of chimneys smoking 
• pumpkin carving and the  golden glow of jack o' lanterns on porch steps
• school! A return to learning 
• school supplies. I love, Love, LOVE school supplies. A bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils would be a lovely gift. 
• leaf fights!
• being engulfed into large piles of crackling foliage again and again and again. It makes raking worthwhile, you know.
• a hand in your pocket and one entwined with someone special to keep your fingers warm
• if you don't have a special someone, gloves are great too!
• pie is an art form all season long. It's a pie parade!
• sunflowers and mums
• it's a time where watching classic thrillers is encouraged. YAY for Hitchcock films, Arsenic and Old Lace and It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! 
• speaking of pumpkin...every pumpkin dessert imaginable
• Thanksgiving. 
• curling up with a blanket, a good book, and with a warm cup of tea. 
• hikes among the trees and canyon drives to see a canvas of color
• fall carnivals and harvest festivals
• football games 
• rosy cheeks and pink noses
• General Conference!!!
• It's a whole SEASON of change, gratitude, togetherness, and love. 

Well friends, if that doesn't get you excited for fall, I don't know what will! If you think of more reasons why you love fall, comment below!  Autumn is out there, my beloved friends. Magic is in the air.  Go and play.

Puzzled.

                                  

I feel like I'm wandering through a picture as a fraudulent player. As if I'm walking in a reality that belongs to everyone else I see but me. Everyone has a place, a purpose, a home, where they  reside, thrive, belong. As I walk along, gazing into the lives of those who surround me, I feel like an intruder, observing special moments I shouldn't see. I'm surrounded by amazing friends, but that doesn't fill the void pulsating in the pit of my stomach that I don't belong here, like a homing device is going haywire in my chest pulling me everywhere and anywhere but here.

 Its like I'm a background piece of a puzzle, with similar foliage and coloring, but the edges don't align, no matter how hard you manipulate the situation. I'm in a phase of my life where it's hard to relate to others around me, especially since I've been "blessed" with such unique and difficult circumstances. Everyone exists in their perfect universe and when you don't live up the expectations of that universe, you're shunned, labeled, treated inferior. So you ignore it, brush it off, and keep pretending and/or move on in search of your pieces elsewhere.

 Days like today I want to throw my hands in the air and jump on a bus, plane, train heading to a bright horizon, a new start, preferably to Boston or New York or Bermuda where no one knows my name, my story, or anything that I've ever done or not done. Where I can have another chance to find out if I fit in another picture and be an actual player in the beauty instead of feeling like a washed-up fraud or an intrusive observer.  I guess that this is what being homeless must be like; forced to wander without knowing how long you'll have your bases covered and if you'll make it through , never fitting really, just existing like a fly on a wall. It's not ideal, but it's what I've got.  In the meantime, I'll make the best of this. I'll find my road, my new adventure. I'll get by another day knowing that someday I'll fit.  And that's enough, I guess. It has to be. 

Sanctifying September

 Hello readers. September is upon us. Summer is winding down, with Autumn closely at its heels. Change is whipping in the wind and it has already worked quite a number on me the past couple weeks. I don't wish to go into great detail about this time of great and abrupt development in my life, but with the changing of the seasons has come a great change in the season of my life, changes that haven't been the easiest to swallow.

It's been... a refining couple of weeks. I feel parts of me scorched, charred, purged, and purified. And how I hope and pray the pain is worth it.  I've felt moments of revelation, indignation, anger, utter loneliness, bitterness, betrayal, and hopelessness. I've cried far too much.  I've felt as if my heart has been stretched as thin as aged translucent paper, one pull away from ripping beyond repair.

 In turn, I've been blessed more than I could ever dream. I'm surrounded by those who love me, believe in me, and care for my well-being. I have a warm bed to sleep in, food in my belly, and hands to catch me if I fall. Most importantly, I've been given an opportunity to become the person that I want to become in the best manner, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I've been able to go forward with faith in building my life on a sure foundation through the gospel of Jesus Christ. I get the opportunity to really seek him, to know him, and apply his healing balm on the festering wounds of my heart I never thought would heal. I'm finding as I do this, the chains that have bound me for years are slowly starting to fall and I'm able to move forward with a confidence I could not ever possess on my own. It's a hard and difficult process, but the Lord is blessing and sanctifying my feeble, human efforts.

 I am attending institute four days a week and learning of the nature of my Father in Heaven, His son and the incredible atoning sacrifice he made for all, of how I fit in His miraculous plan, and the skills I need to possess to be a righteous wife and mother in the trying days to come. I'm beginning to finally see the principle Thomas S. Monson taught, that" the future is  as bright as your faith." What a marvelous thing to witness.  I know that the Lord will not abandon those who put their trust in his ample arm, especially those who feel like they have no where to turn.  I was really touched by words spoken by  President Henry B. Eyring in April 2012 on the subject. The video posted below has helped me keep some perspective during this unexpected trial and I am so grateful for the strength it has granted me.  May his words help lift you if you are struggling and are unsure of where to go or how to proceed with the days ahead.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is true. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is infinite and intimate and can grant us the strength and courage we couldn't muster on our own. His way is the only way. It shapes us into the sons and daughters we were meant to be and helps make up the difference until we get there.  He will bless us and others as we step forward in faith to do His work upon the earth. May the Lord bless you in your endeavors to draw near unto him,  as he is so richly blessing me.
Until next time, may God bless you and those you love.

The Field is White and Ready to Harvest...

Hello readers. Today was a very special day for family. My little big brother received his mission call to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for 2 years. We all waited in agony for him rip the envelope and reveal where he would faithfully serve, and we all couldn't be more delighted and surprised. Elder Jacob Paul Jepsen will be serving in the New York Utica mission speaking English and will report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on November 13th. I was floored to know he'd be walking around the same streets I did almost two years ago. He'll have the same opportunity to fall in love with New York, its beautiful people, and see the how the gospel of Jesus Christ changes lives. Not to mention, he'll have some sweeeeet hookups and people to love him immediately because he's a Jepsen. ;) Seriously though, he'll never have to worry about anything. The members are AMAZING!

 I'm so overwhelmed, so happy, so thrilled for him and this experience. I love you, Jacob. You are truly an inspiration to me and I know that as you serve the Lord you and those you serve will be blessed tremendously for your valiant efforts. Thank you for the honor that you bring to our family, for your love and example, and for your amazing friendship. You are the best brother this crazy girl could ever ask for. I'm excited for the start of your incredible life. I'm so proud that you're starting it the best way you possibly could, in the service of your God.

God speed, Elder. I love you.

An Adventure, Twofold.

San Simeon Beach

Adorable Happy. (Total surfer magnet, BTW)

Pier at San Simeon Point. One of my favorite spots of all time.

Powell's Sweet Shoppe in downtown Paso Robles. A modern day Wonka Factory of Awesome. 

Sweet Salted Caramel and Dark Chocolate HEAVEN

          

Duckie's Chowder Shack in Cayucos. AMAZING food. Go. Now. 

This is my 'I'M SO EXCITED FOR FISH AND CHIPS I CAN'T BREATHE!' face.

Behold. Fish and chips in all of their glory. Seriously, the best I've ever let grace my lips.

Pier in Cayucos

Non profit Art Gallery. Fantastic work and people here. 

This is my beach face. 

 

Sunset on the way to Cambria Thursday. SO beautiful.  

This is my best bud and his gorgeous, incredible wife. Aren't they adorable?

Travel Log: Part II
Sunday: San Simeon Point
Monday: Errands,cleaning, freak out/ scolding. (Bad kids day)
Tuesday:Cayucos, CA
Wednesday:Downtown Paso Robles.
Thursday: Cambria night life.
Friday: Running, running, fuming, running...  

Hey pals! Ready for the second installment of my fantastical adventure?! Let's start on Sunday. I thought I'd take Happy to the beach because he had been on the best behavior ever. So we jumped in the blue pickup and hit the road. He sat in the passenger seat, tongue hanging loosely to the side, tail wagging, and eyes wide with excitement as the fresh sea air pelted our faces. He sat tall with his paw rested casually on my knee, so like an eager, love-struck man enjoying a casual adventure with his girl on a sunny afternoon. We zoomed through countless vineyards with rolling green and golden hills, misty hilltops, glades of lush oaks, winding narrow roads, and towering pines. We kept our eyes peeled for sparkling azure waves and the occasional zebra roaming with the horses near Hearst Castle. 
 We arrived at San Simeon, a dog-friendly, family friendly alcove; complete with fishing pier, picnic tables, a children's museum and a creek to wade in if the waves were a big deal. Next to Moonstone beach, this is my second favorite place to be. The water is pristine, the sand warm a midst black and green cliffs separating the sea from the road, and onlookers wander occasionally down the long stretch of rocky beach. After a lovely picnic lunch of gourmet peanut butter and honey sandwiches, Happy and I ran gleefully up and down the beach, playing tag with the roaring waves and each other. We slept under the sun, read together, met some new friends and climbed upon towering rocks as the salty spray whipped our faces and soaked our feet. After a delight-some, full afternoon, we climbed back in the blue pick up and puttered home. As if the day wasn't lovely enough, John Mayer's smokey voice echoed through the canyon on the cool, evening breeze as the sun set below the mountains. 
Monday was spent picking up poop, running errands, more poop, walking naughty dogs, and picking up more poop. Was I amused? I think not. 
Tuesday I needed to leave the house. So I jumped in the pick up again with my pal Happy and decided to go down the old highway to Cayucos. The day was colder and overcast, but I wanted to see what Cayucos beach was all about. First thing, I gave Happy some food and water and let him chill in the back with the windows blowing air through and walked back to my favorite chowder shack, Duckie's. The thought of not knowing when I'd have this beautiful food grace my lips again made me sad, so I ordered the fish and chips once more. I sat at a bar, in front of a window overlooking the beach. Sun-bleached and faded photographs of old sea vessels and fishing paraphernalia strewn the walls, people coming from every seam of the shack to greet old friends with hugs and smiling faces. My food arrived with a flourish and I relished every. single. bite.
Across the street, a non-profit art gallery held portraits of the roaring sea and its hearty, yet delicate, foliage, strange sculpture, and poignant pieces beautiful enough to make you want to cry. I purchased a hand painted water color original postcard and chatted a bit with the wonderful volunteer and wandered out the door delighted, with a brighter hope for the world. I grabbed Happy and wandered down to the gray sand and swelling waves speckled with families and children screaming with delight. We watched a senior tai chi class, exhales lost amid the whistling wind and crashing waves. We played tag again between the tangled mess of seaweed and made friends with adorable surfers.( Happy was quite the surfer magnet. These sun kissed Adonises in surfer suits would come out of nowhere to pet and compliment my "awesome dog" as he showed off and listened oh so well. Needless to say, I didn't mind one bit. )  I watched happy children giggle as their mother's held tightly to their pudgy fingers and kiss their cheeks. I spent the afternoon people watching and daydreaming of my family in the future. 

Wednesday I spent the day cleaning like a mad woman, but escaped as twilight started to settle in the valley. I wandered to down town Paso Robles to visit my favorite sweet shoppe, Powell's. Inside is a miniature Wonka Factory, candy and sweets covering every inch of wall space, glittering counters and overflowing tables.  The 1970's classic, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory plays and echoes through the shoppe, completing the atmosphere of wonder and delight of a world of sweets. Handmade chocolates and bon bons sit in pretty wrappers, candy dispensers line every wall neatly, new and vintage candies are showcased everywhere. At the heart of the store stands the holy of holies; a local authentic gelato counter, made with fresh, California flavors. I tried a shovelful of the sweet, salted caramel and the purest dark chocolate. I sat in the park across the street, watched the sunset and scooped the airy goodness into my mouth as the light of the day faded and the golden lights flickered on the quaint town square. OH, and did I mention I heard Van Halen play live? Sick. 

Thursday was the day Mam and Lindsey and Micah would make the journey westward and we'd spend the day in Morro Bay. Due to crazy flight delays, they weren't able to make it until late afternoon, early evening. Mam felt bad, so she and I jumped in the rental car and drove to Cambria to say goodbye before my flight the following morning. As we drove along the winding highway, the sun put on display unlike one I'd never seen before. Vibrant red, gold and orange lit up the sky, purple and silver hues caressing the outermost edges of the wispy clouds floating overhead. The air caught in my throat as I sat in awe. We arrived at moonstone beach as dusk kissed the sea and the tide crashed upon the jagged rocks. I blew a kiss to the invigorating breeze with a happy heart and the promise of eventual return and turned into the twilight toward town. After a dinner of warm pizza and laughter, Mam and  I headed back to Paso with the stars blazing overhead. 
Friday was a day filled with running, delays and frustration. Halfway to the airport, I realized I was without my wallet, phone and boarding pass. Luckily, we were able to turn around and get me to the air port in the knick of time, only to realize that my flight would be delayed for nearly two hours. By the time I got back to Vegas, we taxed on the tarmac for another 30 minutes or so. I sprinted through the airport to get to my ride, hug my friend goodbye and get stuck in an hour of bumper to bumper traffic and travel to get back to a best friend's wedding in St. George that started at 5. Needless to say, I showed up to the wedding looking like a disheveled hobo right as the bride and groom were leaving. It was crazy. BUT! They were adorable and I'm so lucky I got to see them before their departure. 

That...was pretty much my adventure house sitting. Well, the happy, great parts, anyway. I hope you enjoyed reading about it as much I enjoyed living it. If you ever get the chance to go to Cambria, Morro Bay, Paso Robles area, GO. It's gorgeous, wonderful, peaceful and a piece of heaven here on Earth. Remember the beauty of exploration and culture. Go find it. :) Until my next adventure kids.