My, my readers. It has indeed been a long time since I've written anything, let alone anything of significance. I apologize for any of you wanting to know some of the moments of minutia in my life. I've decided that I am more of a private person than I realized, and that having a personal blog may not be the best thing for me to keep up, unless my readership enjoy nonsensical posts and girlish prattle every now and again.
Russians do, apparently.
*Russian cheers! Glasses clink! Various liquids are poured! Drinks all around!
Again, I'm sorry. I just wanted to share and relive that fantasy in my head for a moment. I apologize if I've offended anyone.
....MOVING ON.
What I was trying to get to was since all of my readers HAVE stuck with me, you do deserve to know some of the things that have gone on in my life. I'm ripping off the band-aid. Here's a full out therapy session- honest and pretty unguarded for me. Buckle up.
Here it is, folks-
2012 in retrospect for me.
 |
| It's rather how I'd pictured it, actually. |
I knew with the dawning of 2012, it would be a pretty intense year. The Mayans predicted a cataclysmic death for all of human kind on December 21, 2012 based upon their ancient tzolkin calendar (right) and people everywhere were making a big deal about it. (
Aside: You wouldn't think people would put stock into an outdated calendar created 5,000 + years ago to predict their doom. I mean with all of OUR technology??? I think the Mayans didn't think any person would live that long, so they stopped.)
I'd just got back from a stressful, yet beautiful experience in New York and was missing it very much. I was living at home, looking for work, and feeling miserable. Things were difficult at home, time seemed to screech to halt, and after serving and burning myself out in a mother-like role, I was lost and uncertain of where to go. I was in final interview stages for my mission, but received the impression that now wasn't the time and that I just needed to buckle down and prepare for what was in the future. After struggling a bit, a started looking for work in St. George, found an open position working for my old company and they hired me back immediately. I packed all my stuff in my car and moved down, after a week's notice. I moved in with my amazing friend Abbey and her mom who proved to be life-savers for me in so many ways.
I started working, which wasn't the easiest thing in the world, but soon got into the groove of things. In early March, my sister had a baby boy named James, which proved to be beautiful and one of the most frightening things I've yet experienced. He was born with several complications, was in the NICU for 2 weeks because he wouldn't eat and has had severe health problems since. I was blessed to be in St. George to help her out whenever I could. A couple days after James was born, Suzanne- my dear sister friend and employer in New York, passed away after battling Stage 4 colon cancer for almost a year. I flew out and was able to grieve and spend a few days with my kids and dear friends as we laid her body to rest. Once I returned to St. George, work became my life. Even though it was high stress and difficult, I loved it, especially the moments that make it all worth the agony and pain.
In July, everything began to change. My dad was getting ready to have back surgery, my mom's multiple sclerosis was worsening rapidly and my parents couldn't take care of themselves. It was time to do what no one else could. I put in a week's notice at work, wiped away tears and drove back home. My dad had surgery the first week in August and had several complications. The week after, My dear sweet grandfather died after battling Parkinson's for so long and I didn't get to say goodbye. The funeral was beautiful and hard, but full of peace.
The next months were filled with failed job searching, frustration,sleepless nights, best friends' weddings, drama, family emergencies, loneliness, mourning, helping others move, goodbyes, and many more confusing trials that never seemed to let up. I was trying to make sense of the whirlwind of things happening in my life. I lost dear friends-ones I'd never thought I'd meet and that changed my life forever and ones I thought I'd never lose, love, and loved ones. My heart has never been so battered and broken in my whole life. Life was difficult because it seemed as though everything was happening to the people around me, but not to me. I had to live with the consequences of others actions and watch others soar and accomplish things I've wanted and worked for my whole life over and over again. When I would try and accomplish something, crisis would strike, reaffirming the fact that only I could do what I was called to do at this time in my life.
During my duration in Lehi with my parents, my mother's condition continually worsened and reached the point where there weren't any treatment options left for her. A week before Christmas, she was hospitalized for a number of days in hopes of starting from scratch; series of tests, MRI's therapies, and countless vials of blood were taken to see the progression the disease had ravaged upon her body. Thankfully, mom was released just before Christmas, getting around in a wheelchair and by walker mostly when she has strength enough to do so. She had nine new lesions in her brain and spinal cord, bringing the grand total to 25 since the onset in 2008. Her condition seems to yo-yo, but we're trying to take things one day at a time and stay positive. Her doctor thinks that she's built up an anti-body to the chemo treatments she's receiving, so that is why none of the treatments are having their usual effect. We're still praying for answers and treatment options and prayers from readers are always welcome. Even the last day of the year went out with a bang,culminating with a car accident, among other family issues and scares. I was grateful for the dawn in 2013.
Although the word didn't end in 2012, my world as I knew it ended. Nothing will ever be the same. I am not the same. I learned about the importance of families- their purpose for our growth and perfection and how eternal they really are.
Want more info? God's Plan of Happiness for us I really learned about love- loving others, strangers, God's love. I learned about sacrifice. I learned about enduring and how crucial it is and the importance of laughter. From any disaster, we all have the choice to wail, char, and melt in the misery and desiccation of the flames or rise from the ashes- refined, renewed and bright with hope for a better life and world. 2013 needs to be that year for me. I know I was brought to this time for a special purpose and I pray that I continually live my life worthily to do the Lord's work, wherever I am called. I know it will be my year if I
...
" press forward with a a in Christ, having a perfect brightness of b, and a c of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and d to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have e life.
21 And now, behold, my beloved brethren, this is the a; and there is b other way nor c given under heaven whereby man can be saved in the kingdom of God. And now, behold, this is the d of Christ, and the only and true doctrine of thee, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, which is f God, without end. Amen." 2 Nephi 31:20-21
I want to thank all of you who have stuck by me, who keep my wandering soul in your prayers and love me, despite my many imperfections. Thank you for your patience, your love and graciousness. I don't know how I ever will repay you for your goodness and will keep you in my heart always.
Readers, you survived reading that!!! Congratulations!!! That deserves a reward all in itself. Here's hoping for a bright and better new year, filled with faith, hope and beautiful work to fight for the dreams we want for ourselves and others. May we help one another, love one another, and seek to be our best selves. We must really hold tight to those whom we love and not put off things for later. Be the best you. It is
ALWAYS worth it. Until next time, I love you readers. Talk to you soon.
