Another snippet that needs to be in the movie of my life

You know that your Friday nights need to improve when you head over to Barnes and Noble for some entertainment. Evie and I opted out on the opportunity to cook in a cesspool of bacterium, staph infection and std's with some attractive men and we ate razzle-berry pie and ranted about stupid boys instead. (A much better idea, if you ask me. I'm a germ-a-phobe and a feminist, if you can't tell) After our binge fest, we hopped in the car and blasted awesome Spanish music (I'm in love with Joanes(pronounced huan-es for you gringo's out there)). The subject, who I will introduce in a moment, must have heard our music blaring from the parking lot and knew as the wind blew my beautiful auburn hair that I was the easy, naive white girl that could show him a good time. As I was taking a gander at the 'Oooh! Buy me! I'll teach you a pointless activity and make you so much cooler!' section with Evieface, a small Hispanic man approaches me and starts asking me questions. "Are ju from round here?" "It snow here?" "It snow in Cedar, where I live." Me, being friendly and still having faith in the human race, decided to engage in this man's game. I was hoping that he was just a nice guy, wishing to engage in normal everyday conversation. Drilling commences...

"How old are you?"
Oh I'm getting old. hahah I'm 20.
"oh, ju are old."
"So Ju student? working?"
I guess you can say I'm working. I work odd jobs here and there. I'm pretty much a menace to society.
All the while Evie is freaking out, trying to distract me, yelling random things like "look, a cupcake book! How adorable! We should look at that Heather!" "Look, is that an obscure man that we know." Its taking all that she is to not completely go Cuban on this little man.
"So are you married? Single?"
hahaha oh wow. *more nervous laughter* ( I REALLY didn't want to tell him I was, but I couldn't lie. I already was feeling bad for being so snarky)*dramatic pause* I'm single. but that's fine with me. I prefer it that way. I love being single! Men are such a drag.
I was hoping with all that I was that my response was dejection enough, but alas. Men don't understand hints. ESPECIALLY Latin ones. (its not a racist comment. its the truth)
"you have phone? can I get jour number?"
Just as Evie was about to grab my arm, say "No quieres!"(translation: she doesn't want you) and pull me out of the mall by my hair, I said 'I'm sorry, but I never give that out. Have a good night.'
He thanked me for talking with him and he skulked away as we giggled, shocked that it just happened to ME of all people.
So my faith was restored in the fact that creepy men, no matter what race, age, and religion, still find me attractive. Huzzah . *cacophony of eye-rolling commences*
For the record, picking up a girl in a book store usually doesn't work. And if you really, REALLY, want to attempt to pick up a girl in a bookstore, make sure she isn't looking at Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Bronte, or awesome anatomy books and you're in the children's section reading the latest edition of Thomas the Train: Thomas goes to the moon with the monkeys. Just a suggestion.
Here's hoping NEXT Friday will be fraught with more adventure and maybe actually getting hit on by an attractive male! hmm. Well a girl can dream can't she? haha anyway, keep it real readers! Much love. Here's hoping your love life is more exciting than mine.

Gratitude Alphabet of Awesomeness- a list for Jenni

Hi Readers! Ok, so I've been doing a lot of ranting lately. Things have been difficult, but I really have so much to be grateful for. Here is an alphabet of just a few things I am grateful for this morning. Its also a list, because Jenni loves lists. and I love her. Ok. Here goes.

A-Apple Dapple. I'm eating it right now. Great-great grandma, you're a genius! I'm very grateful for your ingenious recipes that are still in use today.
B- The Book of Mormon. I love reading and feeling the words feed my spirit and I love the influence it has on the hearts of humanity.
C-the Christensen family. They truly are the best surrogate family anyone could ever ask for. I can't thank them enough for all that they've given me, for all the support and constant love, for dealing with me when I'm such a menace to society, and for putting up with all my quirks and imperfections. They truly help me to be better. I don't know what I would do without them.
D-Dreams and the opportunity to remember and pursue them.
E-Eggplant. Its a very under appreciated vegetable. I don't understand why. Its tasty AND purple! Come on, people!
F-Freedom to be who I am, to live in this beautiful country and choose. oh and add Family and fantastic friends!
G-Globes.
H-Halo. I love you honey! Thank you for being such a bright light in my life! You help me to be better everyday! Thank you fore putting up with this crazy mom.
I-Igloos. So ingenious. I've decided if I had an igloo, it would be aqua. And I'd have a pet walrus named Waldo. and it would be a magic igloo that never melted and that had heated tile floors, a roaring fire and custom furniture to go with the ice motif.
J-jugglers. I feel they're under appreciated as well. They shouldn't be! They have amazing hand-eye coordination, do a million things at once with a smile and can probably still chew gum while walking when throwing razor-sharp knives. Plus, i wouldn't want to cross them. If you happen to be nasty, They could incorporate you into their act and just not catch one of the knives right as it flies directly over your head. I think of these things all the time. oh and I love Jenni. :)
K-Kitchen appliances and Kyle. Both rank superior in my book.
L-light. Natural, twinkling, starlight, candlelight. I love it all.
M-Missionary work, Mandy, Mothers,Made-line Anne, mud,Moe(my future starfish,) midgets and monkeys.
N-Nine puppies who let me jab sharp needles into their hind legs yesterday.I was able to administer vaccines to them yesterday. They helped reaffirm that I can aspire to be a doctor and I know I can do a good job.
O-opportunity to use the power of the atonement everyday, to start again, repent and become better.
P-Peter Pan, duh.
Q-Quills, Quilts, and Quasimodo. (also under appreciated.)
R- Romance. hahahah SO just kidding. How about row boats? Razors? really great soap?
S-singing- I love that I have the ability to raise my voice to express the feelings of my soul. I love music, the ability I have to make music and share that bond with others. Its truly a wonderful medicine and unifying power of humanity.
T-Traveling and exploring the world-experiencing how beautiful the world really can be. and to add to my favorite T's- Te, Taz (I will be forever indebted to you both-you are such a light and wonderful part of my life and I don't know what I would do without you. Thank you for being some of very best friends I could ever ask for), Tyson, Tern, Terynn, and any other lovely T's that I left out!
U-umbrellas. especially yellow and red ones.
V-Victor Dostoevsky and other obscure Russians who rock. and the vomer bone and the visceral pericardium.
W-words. I love being able to spin phrases together, to freely be verbose, and the opportunity to expand my vocabulary. Thank you word of the day!
X-xanthan gum
Y-years (20 to be exact) of living life in only the way that I can. I'm grateful for what I've been able to see, touch, taste, smell and feel with all my heart up to this point. I'm grateful for the years ahead and for the opportunities that await me.
Z-Zimbabwe, zebras and everything AFRICAN!!! oh and zippers.

There you go. And I'm grateful for you because you actually made it through reading that horrendously long thing! Take time to look at the blessings you've been given and thank God for all the wonder that He has so graciously bestowed upon you and those who matter the most to you. It makes all the difference. Thank you for blessing my life and for your influence. Much love. Make a great day, readers.

TA-DAH!!!! Gee, Isn't it spiffy?

Thanks to the lovely, glorious and/or stupendous magical workings of Mandy Freaking Fielding, my blog officially rocks, if I do say so myself. Mandy, I love you and adore you anyway, but this just sent you to the superstar friends list. If you were Mario, you would've tripled in size and won the game, leaving Princess Peach crying in the mud. Yah.

So this weekend I ventured northward to the snow to visit mi familia in the land of Lehihi. (I add an extra 'hi' because it makes the name much more intriguing and fun to say) Yes. It was just reaffirmed how insanely awkward and weird I am. Deal with it. Move on. We decided we'd go bowling today...lets just say I bowled the lowest score in the history of beautiful twenty year old women. The two year old in the next lane threw more strikes than I did. Are you ready to hear my atrocious score? *drum roll please* ... 36. yeah. 36. That's right. I disgraced the glorious goodness of the greasy lanes, stinky bowling shoes and the crash of pins. I think training with the Jackie Chan of Bowling is in order. I'll be the next Karate kid, but with bowling. Can't you just see it? "The Bowling Babe". I like it. ANYWAY...here's hoping you harness your bowling chi better than I did. Peace and Love kids. Adios.

Up to my ears in a funk

No, readers, I'm not referring to a horrible, awful, no good smell that I'm submerged in. I'd probably go absolutely insane, shower for 100 days until I resembled your great great aunt Murial, and single handedly be responsible for the complete depletion of hot water in Southern Utah. I'm talking about the odd transition state that I happen to be in at the present moment.  However, this funk thing must be in the water, because nearly ALL of my friends seem to be in the same sort of 'off' mood and can't explain why.

Life has been pretty mediocre lately, to say the least. I feel like I'm a menace to society, like I'm not contributing anything to life, to the Christensen family, or to normal conversation. I have felt like the chapter in St. George is coming to a close and I need to branch out and try something new. So, I've been following my gut and looking for jobs elsewhere (out of state), but to no avail. I haven't really found anything that sits right. I mean, I could try something, but I kind of want a slight affirmation proving that moving clear across the country isn't a fool's errand. Boys are being idiots, all I want is to go on my mission and serve the Lord, but I'm afraid that's turning into a cure all and an outlet for my incredible restlessness. My mother is trying as hard as she can to get me to move up with her, classes start on the 22nd and I have to figure out whether or not I'm going to reside here in the mean time, or just leave. This sense of urgency doesn't ever seem to ebb.

 I've been told that I need to just life happen for once and let opportunities happen, but how can that be if I can't work for them? Every time I get in my car, it takes all that I have to not jump on the free way and drive to the beach...7 hours away. I've been taking a lot of road trips lately and it satiates the urge to run away for a little bit, but it keeps coming back. I've dyed my hair, cleaned things, watched exceptionally exciting movies, hung out with some of my favorite people...I just don't know. I'm trying not to think about it and experience every day the best I can, finding joy in the journey, but something isn't right. Ug. There's definitely something wrong with me. Most people don't feel guilty for finally taking a vacation from life, but its killing me. Suggestions? I'm thinking I may have to go skydiving, find a random man to marry, purchase that starfish I've always wanted or wait for another lead to manifest itself. Until then, readers, here's hoping that you aren't up to your ears in a funk (in either physical or emotional state).

Oh Valentine's Day

I honestly believe that my general feelings of animosity would not change even if i had a 'valentine' to share this day with. I don't wish to be cynical or anything, but hey. It's my nature, right? Every Valentine's feels like I waltzed into a free love parade. I hate that there has to be a day devoted to extravagance, heart shaped boxes, gooshy cards full of fluff, sex products and enough hideous stuffed animals to scare away any all the babies in Guatemala.
 Its sad that our country has to celebrate a NATIONAL holiday to remember to 'love' people. I hate that valentine's has turned into the 'cure all' day-That it doesn't matter if I'm a jerk all year, I can make it all up on Valentines. There is so much pressure on Valentines, to be significantly better than the year before, to put up more pomp, to give more romantic gifts.
Why does love have to be commercialized? I want a guy to bring me flowers because he saw them and thought of me, not because of a social pressure. Love (or its evil twin who often appears in incognito, Lust) shouldn't wait to be expressed one day of the year. We already have enough uh oh babies. (Not that I don't love them)  We've been blessed with a wonderfully short duration on this earth. If you love someone, don't wait until days like today to show someone that you do. I mean, by all means, if you were going to anyway and today just happens to be the day you express it, then good for you, but don't let today be the exception. I hope that your day is a good one, in remembrance of those that you do love. And for those without a special someone, Happy Independence day! Peace, Love and all that jazz.