A serious case of wanderlust...

Yep. That's right, readers. I've been infected with a terrible, awful disease. Its metastasized to all of my organs and has reduced my brain to merely 20% of its normal function. I have what they call a deadly case of wanderlust. Like some of those infected with this disease, I've tried to act like there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, like the last thing I want to do is daydream about a far off place. But, I'm now a ticking time bomb and could be a potential danger to those I love most. I need a vacation. And  I need one fast!

I know, I know. This is where people chime in and say " But Heather, aren't you being a bit greedy? Wasn't it YOU who went on a cruise last MONTH?!"  To this I must reply that in hopes of curing my condition I did in fact go on a cruise last month. Alas, the treatment didn't take and in turn fed my disease, leaving me in a far worse state than before! It takes all that I have to not pack everything I own into a small rucksack, sell a couple organs, and fly around the world.  

Earlier this evening, my dad and I drove out to see my sister and her family at their hotel. It was located across the street from the Salt Lake International Airport, with the tarmac only mere yards away from the lobby.  Planes were landing and taking off into the sunset and all of a sudden and the whole world just seemed to stop. My heart leaped. It wrenched in agony and I gasped for air. It felt as though my heart was going to break through cozy barrier behind my ribs with suitcases in hand, jump on the plane soaring into the sun's setting rays, and never return.  (Wouldn't that be nice? I wouldn't have to feel anything terrible anymore and my heart could get a tan in Bora Bora. ) 

Exactly like that. But add a straw hat and ridiculous Hawaiian shirt.  Oh, and a virgin mojito  in a coconut. And yes, its a virgin. My little heart is still responsible.

I began to envy my heart and feel sorry for the battered little guy all at the same time. I wished for the same freedom and slight naivety that compelled my heart to essentially 'screw everything' and just leave, and I felt sorry for all the hard, terrible stuff  it'd been through in the last year alone, not to mention lifetime.  It's interesting how a mere moment can send you for a loop.
This evening has left me with questions, frustration, and a big ole helping of restlessness. My life would be so much easier if I wasn't a free spirit, but I guess it wouldn't be MY life. We're molded by these moments. It's what we decide to do with these moments, these realizations, that define our true character. How many of these moments have I allowed to flit through my fingers because I'm too scared or apathetic to receive them? I'm a creature who craves some sort of resolution in my life- but I think for tonight I will continue to brood in my stupor of thought and hope for a highly unlikely windfall. Or being slapped repeatedly with the opportunity stick.

Hold on your hearts, friends. Try not to get what I have...the only cure can be found in the high mountains of the Andes, the Great Barrier Reef, and the grassy plains of Africa. It wouldn't hurt to look in Italy. Even if it wasn't there, you'd still get fed. I mean, REALLY fed.
Until next time, readers.

Adrift, Wandering, Wayward, or in Layman's Terms...

lost:

 

[lawst, lost] adjective
1.no longer possessed or retained: lost friends.
2.no longer to be found: lost articles.
3.having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc.: lost children.
4.not used to good purpose, as opportunities, time, or labor; wasted: a lost advantage.
5.being something that someone has failed to win: a lost prize.
6.ending in or attended with defeat: a lost battle.
7.destroyed or ruined: lost ships.
8.preoccupied; rapt: He seems lost in thought.
9.distracted; distraught; desperate; hopeless: the lost look of a man trapped and afraid.

Well folks, as beautifully illustrated by the definition and preceding images, one may infer that the overall theme of this post would be about me being "lost".  

In case you didn't quite understand from the illustrations depicted above.

 And sadly, succinctly describes the wrenching in my heart.   

Oh, and clearly the brilliance of the one and only Sara B. 

Like my present state, my mind seems to follow- just swimming in the swirling vortex of everything and nothing- bewildered, dizzy, tired. Senses dulled, my pulse a crawling dirge.  I'm just existing and longing for better things, in a state of perplexed  pretending, awaiting for my heroine half to emerge on fiery wings to liberate the captive so desperately looking for a way out... a yellow brick road... a sign from God.