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Okay. This is completely and utterly pathetic. It's a Friday night. Its 10 pm. I've already watched two episodes of Bones and Super 8, made and eaten dinner, cleaned the kitchen, eaten some more, ran some errands, and I'm still wired and bored out of my mind.
The truth is, I need someone to share my company with. ( ***pause for desired effect and for pity to dig its grubby claws into innocent, charitable hearts***)
I'm starting to go insane in this house. I may start talking to people who aren't there, or pick up knitting and become a psychotic cat lady. I need breaks like any human being and actual intelligent human conversation! Perhaps an opportunity to hang my head out a car window and pant, run in a park, beg? Okay, I don't want you to treat me like a dog, but it's getting to the point that even that interaction would be pleasant.
So, begrudgingly and with a mountain of embarrassment, I extend this casting call to all those in the Salt Lake County/ Utah County area that would possibly want to audition to be a potential new best friend. There are benefits! I do cook! I have a car. I spout out fountains of hilarium every so often. I'm a clutz, so I trip and look like an idiot all the time- you will never be bored! I'm nice and like listening to other people and I never smell like fish. Cons- I am a clutz, can't tap dance, don't know Justin Bieber, I don't like mushrooms, am ADD and OCD, I freak out if my elbows are touched and I may or may not attract all the freaks at Wal-mart whenever I walk through the doors. It's a strange phenomenon, but I've been told it IS an entertaining one at that. Anyway, I know this is super lame that I have to do this, especially since I belong to the phylum butterflyus socialus, but will you be my friend? Please? If you're interested, or know someone who may be, let me know.
Anyone?
Hello?
Help?
Hello, my beautiful readers. I, like you most of you, am braving another one of life's torrential down-pours. BUT! Instead of blaring the melancholy music, pulling out my already thinning locks, crying so much I have to call a flood specialist, yelling at the heavens until my voice leaves me and eventually becoming comatose, I decided to write you a run-on sentence. Actually, I really intend to write a (hopefully) delight some list of things I'm grateful for to help me focus on what is, in the eternal perspective of eternity, 'but a small moment.' ( D&C 121:7)
I am grateful for...
1. Swings and bare-footed walks through long grass
2. The warm wind through my hair and sitting on park benches
3. Roof-top access from my room
4. Hearing of success stories from some of my 'kids' and knowing that I was able to impart something of value in their lives and make a difference.
5. Fruit snacks and coca-cola.
6. The Priesthood and a caring ward family
7. Hard experiences that prepare you for something else- being able to look back and see the growth that you've made.
8. Music, my ability to sing, and old bugs bunny cartoons
9. Having my best friend know my heart and me, and be by my side every step of the way . It makes things better when earthly friends are far away or gone or aren't able to understand.
10. The time I have been given here on this earth and the ability to share it with God's children around me.
I've been trying to pinpoint specific lessons the Lord is trying to teach me as I trudge through the trails. I'm learning about eternal families, what it means to love and share my heart, to sacrifice all of me, how to work hard, the importance of friendships- true ones and the opportunity to build the most important friendship I'll ever have with my Savior, time clocks- mine and the eternal one, how to make the Lord's will my will, being consistent with my character, patience...
I just need to remember that when my heart aches more than I can stand, it's just the refiner's fire purifying my heart, building character and helping me progress to where He knows I can be eternally. I am going to strive to keep looking for the silver beams of sunlight fighting their way to break through the heavy clouds pouring overhead, blurring my vision from the beauty that STILL surrounds me and the eternal blessings that I do posses here and now. I need to remember that I am only 21, (even if it is only for a few more days) and now is the BEST time to embrace life and be the best me and find and make time to have fun too. To enjoy this journey...
I guess that is what I'm learning, and what we all are trying to learn...how to dance through the downpour.
My dear readers. Things of late have been completely psychotic, to the point where I look at the sky with my arms outstretched and ask "Father, you think that I can do THIS? How!?" It seems as though I'm starting to get swallowed up in the eddies swooping overhead. I'm overwhelmed, my back is completely out, I'm grouchy, my hair is falling out in palm-fulls, my acne is coming back full force and I just may be heading into an OCD overload because I'm up to ears in garbage- literal and metaphorical. I just have no idea what or how I'm going to do in the upcoming weeks, let alone tomorrow. oh. and my grandfather will probably die within the week. Help?
Later...Like a 24 hour period later....
Ok...so I had a baby breakdown, but I'm doing better now. As far as updates go, things still look that bleak, but its okay! For those who do not know, I had to move back to Lehi, Utah to help my parents physically and financially for a time. My dad had back surgery this morning and will be out for 8 weeks or so and my mother suffers from Multiple Sclerosis and her condition is proving to grow and grow worse with much more recovery time as she nears what is ultimately the end of her journey here on this earth. So, its up to me, which proves stressful for anyone, but especially a 21 year old girl. I don't exactly know how long I'll be here in the Lehi area, but I have faith that this is where I'm supposed to be for the time being. I had a job interview today on top of everything else, and it actually went well, so I'm hoping that I'll get the position! I'll keep you updated on everything. Thank you for your support, love and concern every step of the way! Until next time, pray for me?
