Utterly Useless Post

Waaahahahahah :'( Not even Rusty the Narcoleptic dog could make me giggle! I'm so frustrated!!!! Why can't I just be happy for people!?

Therapy

So...after the ensuing weeks, I've decided that I need therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. So I put on the ginormous glasses, loose fitting pants and frock, poised with pen and pad in a overstuffed leather arm chair glowering at the brain sitting across from me, trying to conceive a possible plan on how to fix this impossible, glorious, frustrating oozing organ.  It seems sluggish, exhausted, pale, and snappish. Diagnosis?

"7 days of sun and fun, Take one cruise ship to a warm location, Repeat every 3 Months" As prescribed by a brilliant physician. :)

PLEASE! So, as prescribed by my personal therapist, I've decided to compile a list of places I'd love to vacation to, even if its just to dream, I believe it will be better for my overall decreasing mental health.

 1. San Diego, Disneyland- Just California in general. That's a helping dose of happiness. I need the beach in my life.

 2. Africa.

 3. Machu Picchu, Nazca Lines in Ica, Cuzco, Lima; Go on a South American Cruise and explore the amazon

4. Islands surrounding and including Greece, Italy, and the Mediterranean

 

5. Mt. Everest

6. India

7. England - for real, Ireland, Scotland, France, Germany etc.

8.  AUSTRALIA!!! and New Zeland

9. China 

10. Sky diving in Hawaii

11.The Moon- surf the milky way and be an astronaut and just get away from the world. 

  Its beautifully illustrated in this song by One Eskimo entitled "Astronauts" There are just a couple of ideas for now, but it has helped some. What are your dream vacations? Crazy aspirations? Thoughts? Therapy tricks slash advice? I'm always open to expanding my horizons. Or if you have some magic vacation already planned that you want to take me on, PLEASE HIT ME UP! Heaven knows I need one. Thank you readers for all your help and support! Keep it real!

Ramblings, Ramblings, and More Ramblings...

I remember there was once a time where I did, in fact, have a social life. It seems that nine months will have passed where teenaged kids have become an all encompassing part of my life. I work and sleep. Maybe watch a movie here and there, but mostly live every day in hopes of making a small difference in the lives of these teenagers I encounter on a daily basis. Maybe I'm learning more intimately about the law of sacrifice in a way. I can have a social life when I'm 80 haha.

So as I was driving home today, I just wanted to find my own place to gaze at the heavens, lay in my own field of dreams and thoughts and just sort them out, figure out my place in God's great plan.I felt so out of whack, so out of alignment- You just crave and seek solitude to figure that stuff out. I'm super excited for conference- maybe that will help bring some rest and peace to my restless heart.

One of my favorite paintings of all time - always makes me think.

so more random thoughts- the first clip is one of Adele's songs that I'm completely obsessed with and can relate extremely well to. The second is how I feel as of late because all my wingmen are disappearing! I'm tickled that they're so happy, but I just watch this clip and laugh because its so true!  Anyway, wishing you all the best.

Heather Heart 2.0, please?

I'm in a strange transitional period in my life. All I want is to contribute to society. I want to help and lift people, wipe away tears, see the world, learn things from others and from books, find answers and incorporate them into every day life. I want to feel the ocean breeze on my face again, to run along the beach, laugh with all my heart, love with all my heart and have fantastic adventures.  I want to feel like I am actually 21, not 49.  I feel as if my heart has been set in a cage, left to atrophy and decay; like a lonesome bird whose song has been quieted after years of trying to escape through cold, brass bars. I'm trying to weigh my options right now, to feel what it is that I am supposed to do with this period of my life and essentially my future. I have been blessed with many talents, people who love me and many roads. I just feel like I've kind of lost sight of who I am, and by default my desires have kind of flown out the window like wisps of smoke. Now I'm trying to re-collect them with a net with really big gaps in it. I guess that means that repair takes time, patience, trust- and initiative and courage to re-discover.  I'd like to write a book, maybe learn the guitar and try my hand at songwriting, become healthy- take down all my walls. I just don't know how or which direction to take. 

P.S.- I totally would like this in real life! So adorable!

Sometimes I wish my heart had a literal compass built in, so I'd know specifically which direction to start heading toward.  For instance, I was just offered a full time position working with youth doing something I love. I want to make sure that I am doing the right thing, not the easy thing; the best thing, not the good second option. But despite being lost, I want more than anything to feel free and happy. My dear friend who I had the honor and pleasure of serving for months is currently in the hospital on death's door.  She taught me many things, but despite everything, she's always seemed to maintain a level of happiness and fills everyone's life with sunshine and pure joy.  She's truly lived up to Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's advice to "Come what may, and love it." I pray that during this time and in the future, I may take a leaf out of her book and appreciate this time given to me, to take risks and truly live. Until then, if you know how I could possibly hook up a sweet compass to my beating myocardium, letters, emails and informative journal articles would be greatly appreciated. Until next time, much love! 

Laughing Brook

I feel like my life can be alluded to a babbling brook, flowing down and through an old mountain. It twists and turns, flowing this way and that, over rugged rocks, smooth stones, sharp sticks and brambles- up, down, everywhere at once, constantly flowing, never stopping, never knowing which way the course intends it to flow- just trusting that the journey will be worth it. When it feels like I may finally flow into a pool or flow in a  direction I'd been waiting for for so long, I get sucked into an undercurrent that throws me completely for a loop.  But, its all apart of the process. Because of the unpredictability, brooks are beautiful, calming, and easy to relate to. During the portions of life where we feel like we get stuck in the eddies of the stream, we need to remember that we get to the bottom of the mountain eventually, leaving lush life behind us for others to profit from. So, we better make the most of this ride, I think. We only ride it once. Evaporation does not apply ( unless you belong in the city of Enoch or happen to be a very righteous prophet of old). Live it. Cherish it. Laugh. Cry. Love. Embrace all it has to offer. Be a laughing brook, despite everything. The ride is much more enjoyable that way. 

My Very Own Boston Tea Party

Yesterday I had the fantastic pleasure of joining my dear friends in Boston for a day on the town. Years ago, Kristal Chamberlain (now Sullivan) and I created bucket lists- crazy, wonderful things we wanted to accomplish in this life. Of course, my list was outrageous and awesome, full of less than average tasks I want to accomplish before I kick the proverbial bucket. The task I'd had in mind while I was in the East was to throw a tea bag into Boston Harbor. So, after scheduling a weekend where I could possibly escape, I hit the road and drove my hiney to Boston.

 Kristal and Jonathan were the perfect hosts! We drove into Boston- with a shout out to Fenway park, of course, and parked. We walked through the city down to the harbor as dusk began to fall. We passed all the fancy yachts, upscale restaurants and tourist attractions, snuck through a gate and walked onto the docks to the outermost tip of the harbor. Then, Kristal pulled out the goods from her trenchcoat ( ok, so it was her adorable pea coat, but it's almost a trench ;) haha ) and we threw the bags into the harbor as we screamed "CURSE YOU, ENGLISH SCUM!!!"   It was pretty much incredible!

Our lovely sentiments lovingly written to our friends

Left to Right: Kristal, Jonathan and I'm the crazy one with the axe whooping in excitement

I left the harbor practically skipping, ducked in the Boston Harbor hotel to use the restroom- definitely noteworthy- absolutely beautiful, complete with perfume, couches, fine linens, everything! and then we headed to the north end for dinner. We walked through the outskirts of Faneuil Hall Square in the middle of the street market ( so so cool! I haven't ever had anyone scream 'FRESH FISH!!! HALF PRICE! Dates! Figs! BLUEBERRRIEES!) then cut into a nearby alley to what soon became bustling Little Italy.

The street was be-speckled with adorable Italian eateries and restaurants nestled inside gracefully aged buildings. We found one whose prices were reasonable and stepped inside.  Italian Christmas music played over head while wreaths and garland strung with balls of blue and gold surrounded by twinkling white lights made it seem like we were in a villa in Tuscany. We were escorted to a small table at the rear, nearest the bustling kitchen. Our waiter, an Italian-American man, took our coats, brought us hot Italian rolls and let us look over the incredible menu. There were so many mouthwatering choices!  I couldn't choose! Our waiter came back again and asked if we were ready to order. I asked him what his suggestion would be.  He quickly replied "Honey, everyting's good heeah. I've been in the restaurant business for 20 yeahs. I know what I want and oodah it right away. What ah you feeling? a nice marinara? you wanna wine based sauce? cream?"
"Probably not cream. How's this? "
I pointed to an item, he took my menu and said, 'Sweetheart, you won't be disappointed.'
He brought me out some beautiful chicken, cooked in a white wine sauce, filled with prosciutto and mozzarella, served with steamed broccoli and roasted potatoes and herbs, with a heaping side of ziti pasta with homemade marinara.
I took a bite and thought I'd died and gone to heaven. He walked back out and asked how I liked the food. "THIS...is incredible, I could KISS YOU!" He laughed, blushed and said he was glad I liked it. We finished eating, put our food in boxes and said goodbye to our waiter, who pulled me aside and said "Thanks for comin in tonight, honey. You made my night. "

Lines out the door!

Holy Cannoli!

Beauty in a box

We walked back into the cool night air and proceeded to Mike's Pastries, a bustling hot spot known far and wide for its giant cannolies. On  the way, Kristal and I were both hit on by a man dressed as Benjamin Franklin-no joke. It was hilarious! Definitely something to check off my bucket list. Anyway, back to Mike's.  There were wall to wall people in the Italian bakery with the line snaking out the door. You handed your cash to the tender, yelled out what kind of pastry you wanted and they wrapped it up in their signature box, pulling string from dispensers from the ceiling! It was AMAZING! After we grabbed our cannolies, we walked back over to Faneuil Hall Square and sat under the 85 ft. Christmas tree  and devoured our incredible Italian confections.

Ice skating on Frog Pond

ISN'T IT HUGE!?

Kristal, Jonathan and I made our way over to Frog Pond for ice skating. The ice was crawling with people and it was starting to get late, so we decided to finish the evening at home. They promised to take me there next time I venture back to Boston. We fought traffic, then headed back to the Sullivan's, where we played an intense couple games of Uno and Jonathan made us popcorn on the stove. (Super cool and delicious, btw) After thanking my wonderful hosts, I went back to the car and started trekking home. I input my location in the GPS, and it sent me on an excursion  in the dark woods of Massachusetts, far away from civilization. I was suddenly on dark and twisted roads, fog started to set in and spooky trees spread their twisted branches overhead, blocking out any distinguishable light. It was the middle of the night, I was alone, far away from home with a broken piece of technology. As I kept driving deeper down strange roads,  I felt like Belle in Beauty in the Beast when she is about to be eaten by wolves.

By a sheer miracle, I managed to get back to Kristal's house. It was freezing, I had to pee like a race horse and she wasn't picking up her phone. I got back in the car, turned off the stupid piece of junk and managed with some luck to find the 9 and a gas station. By the time I got back, it was 3 am.  It was interesting being the only one on the road. It was really nice, actually. Haha. All in all, it definitely was the one of the very best experiences I've had while being in the east. I can't wait to go back to Boston and to New York, but my work here is complete. I'm grateful for the beauty of adventure and the people I have had the privilege of meeting along the way. Take risks. Love the people around you. Jump and do the unexpected. Enjoy the time you're given. You never know when those moments will be over. That's what life is about. Thanks, Boston! I'll be back! 

Sunrise

Many mornings, as I clamber around at five a.m., I ask who in their right mind would WANT to be up and moving at this time of day. It's still dark outside for a REASON! Despite my pangs for decent sleep, I make the boys breakfast, nag them incessantly for a bit, and drive them to early morning seminary. Some mornings, like this one for instance, the boys gripe and complain the whole time and its hard to justify trading much needed sleep for this aggravation. But then, despite all the abuse, in the quiet time when I drive home, the sun kisses the earth and starts to awaken all it touches with its warm, pink light. The whole sky fills with its soft blush, the  outermost edges a pallid lilac. Then, at the heart, orange, then goldenrod, then bright golden yellow- a masterpiece for all to see, covering the vast sky.  Debussy's Claire de Lune plays over and over in my mind, its personification before my very eyes- a beautiful, breath taking sunrise. Then I think to myself, who in their right mind, would miss this fantastic gift? A sunrise is a new beginning, a fresh start, a promise to throw the cares of yesterday aside and bring a new energy, a new love, a new passion to life- an opportunity to make today truly beautiful. So, as I drive into my sunrise, I think of the good I can do, the hearts I can touch and the difference I can make, and I am, from my head to my toes, invigorated and truly grateful to be alive, ready to start my sunrise for the day.