10,000 spoons when all I need is a knife

I think you could compile the best definition of the word "ironic" simply by analyzing ONE DAY of my life. Yesterday was a day fraught with ironic circumstances.
It all started when my dear roommate, Karen, mentioned my friend Johanna's mental breakdowns. She hadn't one in a couple days. Right in that instance, I knew that something big was going to happen. Low and behold, Johanna calls me first thing in the morning in hysterics. I'd never seen or heard her so upset. Her boyfriend just broke up with her and she wasn't doing so hott.
 Also during the same instance, I was telling Karen how busy I would be the following morning. I awoke feeling like I'd been squashed by the largest sumo wrestler known to man- head pounding, dizzy, nauseous, achy beyond belief, back labor, and abdominal pain that would make anyone wallow in misery. I'd been feeling like that for a couple days, but the worst of it arrived with the sun. Guess who also started her period that day? oh yah. So I missed my class because I couldn't move, my friend was going to run away and never come back, I looked like the wrong end of a dog, I discovered I might have to reregister for chemistry and a lab that I already paid for, and then Leslie came home in tears and wouldn't tell me what was  going on, locked herself in her room and cried the rest of the day. Johanna and her boyfriend were going to get married and i had a lesson on temple marriage in institute. My dear friend Kyle Bernard told me that studies prove that a greater consumption of iron and zinc found in many red meats will decrease ADD symptoms. I can't do red meat and I'm incredibly ADD. Early in the evening when I finally stopped feeling like I was going to projectile vomit everywhere for a few minutes, I decided to eat some pizza. It tasted incredible, but after a few bites I was back to wanting to put my head between my legs.
 Yesterday also happened to be a beautiful, spring day but it was so windy outside it was hard to walk anywhere or do anything. I also had nothing to cry about and that's ALL I wanted to do yesterday..and I did, much to my chagrin. For those of you who don't know, I HATE crying. I decided that I was going to be a girl and was in dire need of a date with Ben and Jerry and eat my feelings. So Karen and I ventured out to every convenience store in search of the ice cream saviors, but to no avail.  I sat down to watch one of my favorite movies and fell asleep and to make things absolutely fantastic, Icky Ricky texted me at 1 am and is trying to use the gospel to get me back again. oh, and I was utterly exhausted in every way imaginable and didn't go to bed til about four this morning.
That's just a very brief synopsis of some of the ironies of  just yesterday. A couple of ironies from today-an invitation to go to Disneyland with my best friend during hell week (week before finals), I finally have the time to attack my house with a vengeance and make it glisten and shine, but i'm cramping too bad to move (that's why I'm writing this-the heat of my laptop makes the pain a wee bit better), and I have no desire to watch Peter Pan. Isn't that just enough to make you want to laugh hysterically or cry? You should decide for me. I apologize that some of you actually  read all of that. Here's hoping that this weekend holds some  Easter bliss or at least a year with jellybeans that don't taste like melted plastic and wax. Until then readers, keep it real. Oh! And if you have a great ironic happening that occurred in your life today, post it in a comment! We can laugh at the sheer hilarity of said irony. Anywho, later kids.