My Very Own Boston Tea Party

Yesterday I had the fantastic pleasure of joining my dear friends in Boston for a day on the town. Years ago, Kristal Chamberlain (now Sullivan) and I created bucket lists- crazy, wonderful things we wanted to accomplish in this life. Of course, my list was outrageous and awesome, full of less than average tasks I want to accomplish before I kick the proverbial bucket. The task I'd had in mind while I was in the East was to throw a tea bag into Boston Harbor. So, after scheduling a weekend where I could possibly escape, I hit the road and drove my hiney to Boston.

 Kristal and Jonathan were the perfect hosts! We drove into Boston- with a shout out to Fenway park, of course, and parked. We walked through the city down to the harbor as dusk began to fall. We passed all the fancy yachts, upscale restaurants and tourist attractions, snuck through a gate and walked onto the docks to the outermost tip of the harbor. Then, Kristal pulled out the goods from her trenchcoat ( ok, so it was her adorable pea coat, but it's almost a trench ;) haha ) and we threw the bags into the harbor as we screamed "CURSE YOU, ENGLISH SCUM!!!"   It was pretty much incredible!

Our lovely sentiments lovingly written to our friends

Left to Right: Kristal, Jonathan and I'm the crazy one with the axe whooping in excitement

I left the harbor practically skipping, ducked in the Boston Harbor hotel to use the restroom- definitely noteworthy- absolutely beautiful, complete with perfume, couches, fine linens, everything! and then we headed to the north end for dinner. We walked through the outskirts of Faneuil Hall Square in the middle of the street market ( so so cool! I haven't ever had anyone scream 'FRESH FISH!!! HALF PRICE! Dates! Figs! BLUEBERRRIEES!) then cut into a nearby alley to what soon became bustling Little Italy.

The street was be-speckled with adorable Italian eateries and restaurants nestled inside gracefully aged buildings. We found one whose prices were reasonable and stepped inside.  Italian Christmas music played over head while wreaths and garland strung with balls of blue and gold surrounded by twinkling white lights made it seem like we were in a villa in Tuscany. We were escorted to a small table at the rear, nearest the bustling kitchen. Our waiter, an Italian-American man, took our coats, brought us hot Italian rolls and let us look over the incredible menu. There were so many mouthwatering choices!  I couldn't choose! Our waiter came back again and asked if we were ready to order. I asked him what his suggestion would be.  He quickly replied "Honey, everyting's good heeah. I've been in the restaurant business for 20 yeahs. I know what I want and oodah it right away. What ah you feeling? a nice marinara? you wanna wine based sauce? cream?"
"Probably not cream. How's this? "
I pointed to an item, he took my menu and said, 'Sweetheart, you won't be disappointed.'
He brought me out some beautiful chicken, cooked in a white wine sauce, filled with prosciutto and mozzarella, served with steamed broccoli and roasted potatoes and herbs, with a heaping side of ziti pasta with homemade marinara.
I took a bite and thought I'd died and gone to heaven. He walked back out and asked how I liked the food. "THIS...is incredible, I could KISS YOU!" He laughed, blushed and said he was glad I liked it. We finished eating, put our food in boxes and said goodbye to our waiter, who pulled me aside and said "Thanks for comin in tonight, honey. You made my night. "

Lines out the door!

Holy Cannoli!

Beauty in a box

We walked back into the cool night air and proceeded to Mike's Pastries, a bustling hot spot known far and wide for its giant cannolies. On  the way, Kristal and I were both hit on by a man dressed as Benjamin Franklin-no joke. It was hilarious! Definitely something to check off my bucket list. Anyway, back to Mike's.  There were wall to wall people in the Italian bakery with the line snaking out the door. You handed your cash to the tender, yelled out what kind of pastry you wanted and they wrapped it up in their signature box, pulling string from dispensers from the ceiling! It was AMAZING! After we grabbed our cannolies, we walked back over to Faneuil Hall Square and sat under the 85 ft. Christmas tree  and devoured our incredible Italian confections.

Ice skating on Frog Pond

ISN'T IT HUGE!?

Kristal, Jonathan and I made our way over to Frog Pond for ice skating. The ice was crawling with people and it was starting to get late, so we decided to finish the evening at home. They promised to take me there next time I venture back to Boston. We fought traffic, then headed back to the Sullivan's, where we played an intense couple games of Uno and Jonathan made us popcorn on the stove. (Super cool and delicious, btw) After thanking my wonderful hosts, I went back to the car and started trekking home. I input my location in the GPS, and it sent me on an excursion  in the dark woods of Massachusetts, far away from civilization. I was suddenly on dark and twisted roads, fog started to set in and spooky trees spread their twisted branches overhead, blocking out any distinguishable light. It was the middle of the night, I was alone, far away from home with a broken piece of technology. As I kept driving deeper down strange roads,  I felt like Belle in Beauty in the Beast when she is about to be eaten by wolves.

By a sheer miracle, I managed to get back to Kristal's house. It was freezing, I had to pee like a race horse and she wasn't picking up her phone. I got back in the car, turned off the stupid piece of junk and managed with some luck to find the 9 and a gas station. By the time I got back, it was 3 am.  It was interesting being the only one on the road. It was really nice, actually. Haha. All in all, it definitely was the one of the very best experiences I've had while being in the east. I can't wait to go back to Boston and to New York, but my work here is complete. I'm grateful for the beauty of adventure and the people I have had the privilege of meeting along the way. Take risks. Love the people around you. Jump and do the unexpected. Enjoy the time you're given. You never know when those moments will be over. That's what life is about. Thanks, Boston! I'll be back! 

Sunrise

Many mornings, as I clamber around at five a.m., I ask who in their right mind would WANT to be up and moving at this time of day. It's still dark outside for a REASON! Despite my pangs for decent sleep, I make the boys breakfast, nag them incessantly for a bit, and drive them to early morning seminary. Some mornings, like this one for instance, the boys gripe and complain the whole time and its hard to justify trading much needed sleep for this aggravation. But then, despite all the abuse, in the quiet time when I drive home, the sun kisses the earth and starts to awaken all it touches with its warm, pink light. The whole sky fills with its soft blush, the  outermost edges a pallid lilac. Then, at the heart, orange, then goldenrod, then bright golden yellow- a masterpiece for all to see, covering the vast sky.  Debussy's Claire de Lune plays over and over in my mind, its personification before my very eyes- a beautiful, breath taking sunrise. Then I think to myself, who in their right mind, would miss this fantastic gift? A sunrise is a new beginning, a fresh start, a promise to throw the cares of yesterday aside and bring a new energy, a new love, a new passion to life- an opportunity to make today truly beautiful. So, as I drive into my sunrise, I think of the good I can do, the hearts I can touch and the difference I can make, and I am, from my head to my toes, invigorated and truly grateful to be alive, ready to start my sunrise for the day. 

5 weeks left...

I would like to inform you all that I do, in fact, still have a pulse. I didn't get bludgeoned to death by a psycho and get thrown in one of the old cemeteries I like to explore on occasion. I'm still kicking. I however, don't really have the energy to write more than this. Side note- I'm flying back to Utah in December. Celebration! Love you all, wishing you the best!

Can she fix it!?

These are the curtains in the living room-next on my project list, however, the ones in the dining room were exact replicas. I..took them DOWN.

Charming, aren't they? ew.

Gearing up for some spackle and paint work yo

Armed and Dangerous ( I really like drills, I've decided )

A drill entrusted in the hands of a woman? hmm...

Brand new wall! After a bunch of construction. haha. 

Stupid wall. How was I supposed to know it was laced with uranium, plutonium and  Tayler Lautner's abbs!? My drill couldn't even power through the blasted thing.

Not even all my fancy toys could fix it. :'( 

So I wept bitterly. and then used my squishy pink think and took a different, make-shift approach

so we put up the curtains and I thought it looked like a bad flashback to "I Dream of Genie" or like I just walked into a sultan's secret chambers to smoke some hookah. Ick. too old lady. REDO!

A bit better. 

Not bad, huh? 

So, to celebrate we ordered legit Chinese Take-out!!! SO cool. Half the time I didn't know what I was eating. But it was good! Fortune say " You will always have good luck in your personal affairs. " I agree. :) To which I'm eternally grateful.

Today I decided to get like handy manny and fix some stuff! Woot. This is kind of a play by play of my day.  So today Suzanne asked me to take down some of the drapes in the dining room and replace it with some others that she bought. Easy enough, right? I donned my tool belt and was READY!!!  Yeah, I'm going to put this up in no time! I'm going to put my dad to shame and do this in RECORD time cuz he's slow and ANYONE whose anyone can put up a stupid curtain-rod thingamajig. * Bangs, clatters, consultation, more banging, trail, error, sweat, tears (not really), lots of laughter, more banging, drywall dust and paint flecks, coughing, sputtering, adjusting, leveling, leveling, leveling, tweaking, adjust. phew, ok? ew. tweak, adjust, level. ok? ...it works. phew.*

 ....Sometimes I'm too arrogant for my own good. After deciding that I needed to drill six holes in the wall, I needed to take down and cover up the old crap first. First I had to take apart the beastly curtain which was actually attached via custom made board AND ghetto grandma trailer curtain fixture. It left a plethora of holes. all over the wall. So I filled them and wiped down the wall, attempted prying off hole sockets but that didn't work, so i went downstairs into the dank, dark dungeon of a basement in search for elderberry paint. The room was filled with dismembered dolls, old Christmas decorations, camping supplies, odds and ends, broken furniture, an exercise bike and viola, elderberry paint. winna winna chicken dinna! So after high tailing it back to the part of the world where the sun shined, I merrily mixed and applied copious amounts of elderberry paint to said holy wall. Wait 2-3 hours. During said time I bought THIS !  Isn't it perfect? Plus I got 15% and free shipping, so it only ended being 212 bucks! 

Back to project. Drilling. More drilling because I started with a smaller bit and the screw covers wouldn't fit. Then 2 of my holes wouldn't drill any deeper because part of my wall was lined with freaking plutonium, I swear! So i had to think. hard. and be creative. I used screws from our old fixture for a make shift solution. Then we put the curtains up. (2 are still backwards- I have to fix it tomorrow) My original plan ended up looking like a badly decorated tent from a hookah festival. So we went with plan b. It looks much better. All it all, it was a delightful, crazy awesome experience. Very cathartic and actually fun and fulfilling!  I can't wait to paint the house. I'll look sooo good!  Anyway, to award my mad craftsmanship, we had legit NEW YORK CHINESE TAKE-OUT!!! I felt like Sandra Bullock as I called and a crazy chinese lady answered and asked what I wanted "WHAT YOU WANT?!" "Em, can I have 2 number 16's?" "WHAT YOU NUMBA?!" "OK BE READY *mumled* MINUTE!" and before i could say thank you, she hung up. I drove up to the dingy hole in the wall restaurant (no lie, is RIGHT next to a dry cleaners) and picked up the food.  "17 dolla! Was 17.01 but I give you break.  You nice lady." haha I have no idea what was in my egg roll, but it was good. Anyway, all in all it was a very good, fulfilling day. I'll let you know how my other projects are coming along. Until then readers, peace out! 

New York!

Isn't it cute? 

Backyard shot

I promise I'll post something like tomorrow. I just need more legit pictures of how gorgeous it is here! But until then, Here is a peektchore or peektchores of the house I am currently inhabiting. :)  Also, I hit up a concert this past weekend with the boys-here they are with Matt from Matt and Kim. Adorable yes? 

Jarome, Austin (mine) MATT, Josh, and Tanner. Insert Dallas and Heather for sheer bliss. :)

I'll be sure to add more pictures and tell you more of my life here. I'm learning a lot and loving it. Until next time readers, Keep it real. :) Remember who you are and that leaps of faith are always worth it. Adios!

Safe Arrival

Well friends. It's official. I am now in New York. Ta-Dah! *fanfare ensues* Crazy, huh? I keep looking around like this is some dream that I'll wake from at any moment. But its real. The wood floors are real, the humidity is real, the rolling green lawns and trees are real, this family, this situation is real. What I'm here to do is real. It's been a battle the whole time getting here. But as I sit here, pinching myself in the wee hours of the morning, I know that this is where I'm supposed to be. And I had better make the most of every moment that I am given. 

THIS is the house that I am living in. I'll be sure to post some pictures soon. This just will give you an idea of what the neighborhood looks like and essentially what the house looks like. Enjoy. I've never really been so happy for a safe arrival. Its strange to think that I'll actually be DOING what I was sent to do this time. I'll keep you posted on what that exactly entails, my first day etc. etc.

 Until then, I'd like to share something with you. Right now I'm reading a book entitled The Alchemist. The book tells the story of a Spanish shepherd boy who sets out to find his dream and the 4 steps all dreamers face. It's incredible, I highly recommend it. I sat there on the plane reading this story and could relate to the steps he'd taken, felt his sorrows, highs and lows, constantly relating my moment to the one he was in. I truly was inspired to pick it up when I did before my plane left from SLC. YAY for tender mercies! Readers, it wasn't easy to get to this point, but I'm discovering that if you wish to really gain a reward- whether it be through learning, love, or adventures across the country, there usually is a form of sacrifice involved (to more clearly see my point read Joseph Smith's 6th Lecture on Faith). You read of it in the history books, in The Alchemist, the gospel and see it in anything worthwhile. I want to share with you something I wrote on the plane fighting those thoughts in my head. It was a victory against Satan that I think can benefit others who may read this in the future.

 'I never thought that after nearly a year after my trip to England I would be back on a plane flying to a far off place almost as foreign- New York. I've been contemplating the importance of dreams, of fighting for the pursuit of them, of aligning your heart and your will with God's, and watching miracles occur before your very eyes. I also think that my Father in Heaven has a more clear idea of what my dreams are, and now i'm finally at a point in my life where I can begin to accomplish the things I was called to do in this life. I've no idea what things await me in New York. I just know that my Father is with me, guiding me by the hand.  Whenever I take these trips, I suddenly become aware of the beauty of life- His children, of their dreams, how our lives are intricately knit together, of time, this planet and the universe. I can't help but feel a bit small, but so blessed to know that my Father knows me, loves me, is guiding me and with the Spirit I can perform his works among his children no matter where he takes me. I'm excited for the adventures I'll have, the people I'll meet, the things I'll discover and learn and the person I'll become because of this decision to do God's will. It's funny how dot people try to belittle you when you're on the precipice of taking a giant leap of faith to do the right thing- something you KNOW is a good thing that will help you expand, grow, and take the knowledge that you've gained thus far and put those truths into practice, but because its comfortable, you second guess, doubt, and fear. I pray that I will learn to toss aside living until I'm comfortable. "Deep water is what I am wont to swim in." I have already begun leading a life of shattering the fish tanks of limited perspective. I know too much of what I have, of who I am and of my Father in Heaven to just sit and let life happen to me. I want to tell people. I want to be led by his spirit to do his will, lift the hands that hang down and lift the feeble knees. I pray that I'll be open to insight and learning to discover the things He'd have me know so I may be a better disciple of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Satan keeps placing thoughts in my head that this plane will crash and plummet to the Earth because I am on this flight and I bring bad luck and dispair, that I'll never live up to the lofty dreams in my head. And this is where I  yell "STOP! Who are YOU to tell me that I am nothing, small, weak, insignificant, dowdy and incapable of living the dreams I desire, of loving those I wish to love and making a difference in this world?! Exactly. You are nothing. I have the Greatest of all beings on my side, the beginning and the end. My Eternal Father-King of Heaven and Earth fortifying and blessing my journey. And you are merely a voice, filled with nothing that will fade with all those empty things you know will bring about the destruction of men, if they choose to listen. Leave me. I am about my Father's business and I intend to do it with ALL that I possess. He will help me every step of the way as long as I remain worthy of His Holy Spirit. And I am excited for all that he has in store for me and the children I'll have the privilege of meeting that are waiting along my path. That, is a lot more than you'll ever have. So don't waste my time. I have important work to do for my Father. " 

So with that, I invite you to do the same, to block out the words of deceit and unrighteousness, to take a stand, to be free. I pray that your lives are ones where you seek to accomplish the dreams in your heart and God's will for you. Until next time readers,  

A New Adventure on the Horizon

Do you ever feel your life violently twist you in two different directions? Like you've come to a point where you have to choose between two very good decisions, but you better do it carefully because both lead you in a completely different direction? Well, this has been my past two weeks. Opportunity came knocking on my door, unannounced and and unexpected. I received a phone call driving home from my dear friend's wedding. It was my friend Maddie's mother. She and her husband were talking to members of the ward and my name was brought up. Before I began to even process what exactly was going on, I was placed on the line with the member they'd been talking with, being offered a job across the country. I already had two fantastic part-time jobs, working with troubled youth and loving it, and working as a nanny for two adorable boys. I didn't need another job- I was already working like mad to save up for my mission. Then I heard it. "...she lives in New York. Upstate. In a cute town called Rexford, about 15 miles away from Albany..." I'd be working as a caretaker for this woman's 46 yr. old daughter who'd been recently diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and her three children who were living at home. I thanked the woman for talking to me about their family situation, I gave her my number and told her I needed to definitely think about the offer and I'd get back to her as soon as I knew.

After wrestling with the thought for a couple days, I came to the conclusion that I couldn't go. I was being ripped in half and didn't know what to do, so I stopped entertaining the idea. I'd made too many commitments here- I promised a friend I'd move in with her, I would be letting down all those kids, my employers, not to mention all the friends I'd be leaving behind. Plus I didn't want to promise and commit anything unless I was giving my 100%. This was such a difficult process for the family- I didn't want to cause any unnecessary pain. So I called them up and politely declined, but offered a reference for another who'd do wonders for that family.

I felt good about my decision, so I kept living and searching for apartments. Then things started to slowly unravel. I couldn't find a reasonable apartment, housing arrangements didn't work out, any boy prospects completely fizzled out and ceased to exist, and I wasn't making a connection with the boys I was nannying for. A thought kept churning over and over in my head about what I would tell my future children when scary, new adventures came knocking on their door. How could I tell them to go and try things and leave your imprint on the world if I turned down an opportunity to do so so many years before? I concluded I'd just have to keep trusting and see what happened.
The very next day, I ran into the sweet woman who offered me the job. She came up to me in church and gave me a hug and said "Heather, the family doesn't care if you have to leave to go on a mission. We just know you're the right fit for us. No one else could do the job that you can. I want you to just think about it, and let me know if you change your mind. " With that she walked away and sent me into a stupor. 'What if this isn't just a test? What if this is divine intervention? What if this really is the experience I need in preparation for my mission?' So, needless to say, I went into another praying frenzy. After seeking advice, I decided to make another pros and cons list. There were more pros and cons for NY, less for St. George. Money is a big pull because I'm saving up for my mission- but after calculating all costs, it ended up being the same if I stayed or moved. So it came down to this. What experience would benefit me now and in the future, best prepare me for my mission and where could I best be of service? Most importantly, what did I desire most? and when it came down to that, there was no question what I desired. So I made a phone call and told the family in New York "I would love the opportunity to serve you all until I go on my mission." The next day, I put in my two weeks notice, and started making preparations to leave. I finally told my family this Sunday when everything checked out.

I fly out of Salt Lake on the 9th of September for Rexford, New York where I anticipate to work for 4-6 months, depending on when I get my mission call. I'm so excited for this experience to grow, to learn, adapt and become better. Im excited To draw closer to my Father in Heaven, to be able to work in helping someone during their few precious moments here on earth and the family who will proudly carry on her memory. I know it will not be an easy road, but I know I can do it. I have the best support in the world. I'll keep you updated friends on my adventures while I'm here and abroad. Love you all. Remember who is in charge and seek to perform His will. You won't be sorry. Peace out, readers! Until next time,

And now the chapter closes...

Well my friends, its looking like a portion of my life as I know it here in st. geezy is changing yet again. Tomorrow is my last day working for the devishly adorable Robertson boys, I got two new jobs- one working at a troubled youth facility and another as a part-time nanny for an adorable family, and I'm moving out of the Christensen's before school starts at the end of August. I'm not exactly sure where I am moving yet, but its time for me to move on. Right now, it is looking like I'm going to move in with Evie and I'll probably live there for a few months until I finally leave for my mission. I've been so blessed to have these new opportunities and I am so grateful for the opportunity to start earning some money to save up. It just makes me wonder how exactly I'm supposed to proceed from this point, what exactly the Lord has in store for me, and the lessons I've yet to learn during the short duration I'll live here. I guess I need to keep trusting, praying, working and reaching out to those around me. I'm just getting impatient. All I want is to be out there, serving fully, on my mission. I can serve here, work and be happy, but I just want to be on the mission. Does anyone have a cure for impatience? Don't they sell a remedy at Wal-mart? If they do, you should totally hook me up. Anywho... Adios, readers! Peace, Love and all that jazz.

Swiss Bank

Apparently, I'm one of these. Well, when it comes to matters of the heart. Impenetrable, closed, hard to crack- some require retinal scans, dna tests and a urine sample, plus a criminal background check, a talent show, 10 years of community service (enjoying it would be a definite plus, none of that court mandated crap), a PhD, Nobel Peace Prize, plus or minus an estate and a private jet, not to mention a sparkling personality, a love and respect for your mother (not in and Oedipus way- no incest, please)and an insatiable urge to go to Africa and adopt all the little children. Apparently those expectations are just too unrealistic! What does it take to find men like that?!


But in all seriousness. Today I was told the reason I'm second rate, over looked, never picked, just the friend, is because my heart happens to be sealed up in one of these vaults. That's the reason why I've never been able to experience someone actually liking me (you know, a normal person, who doesn't belong in a psycho ward). I have been so blessed to have so many people love and care for me and be surrounded by wonderful friends. I don't want to sound ungrateful or discredit any influence these remarkable people have had on my life and my heart, but I know that there is more.
For once in my life, I want someone to love the person that I am, to cherish me. I'm tired of being overlooked, tossed aside, and forgotten in pursuit of something bigger and better. I'm not one to just pine and wait around for some guy to grow a spine and come crawling to me. I don't want to do that anymore. I have too many things to do, too many hands to lift, mouths to feed, burdens to ease. I don't want to fritter away my time like a sad, mopey, flouncy, fragile woman waiting for her knight in shining armor to rescue her from her knitting. That's just not who I am. I need a man who is going to dream and accomplish things with me, who will inspire me to be the best I can possibly be, who will kiss my forehead frequently, comfort and hold me when I need a shoulder to cry on, who will surprise me with tickets to Disneyland, a joke, flowers or peck on the cheek now and again. I want a man who knows why he is here, who keeps his Father in Heaven at the forefront of his mind and keeps him first in his life, who recognizes the importance and beauty of people, who has a sense of humor, can keep up with my ridiculous brain, take risks and understands that the important things usually aren't the most convenient things. I am a woman who knows exactly what she wants. What she needs. I don't need every Tom, Dick and Harry poking around in this vault to see if they may be slightly interested in the precious things stored therein. That place, is for someone who will acknowledge and appreciate that special, sacred place, who is willing to do anything to get there. Until I meet that person, I am going to continue to open my heart to people- trust them, love them as best as I can and create relationships with friends. I guess its all I can do.

But sometimes I just don't understand it. I'm not a drop dead gorgeous, a size zero, quiet, a floosey, or a temptress by any means, but I'm still awesome in my own way. Why can't guys see that? Am I intimidating? Scary? Ridiculous? Help? Figuring this out may determine whether or not I can get to the Celestial Kingdom. Anyway, if you made it through all of that, I owe you a tootsie pop. Congratulations! Thanks for putting up with my rant. I am not responsible for the sudden contraction of cataracts, tufts or gray hair or slight wrinkles that may have appeared while reading this discourse.(and if so, i'll give you a tube of denture cream along with your tootsie pop) Keep it real, readers. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is true! Remember it and apply it in your life. Love you all! Wishing you all the best. Until next time, friends, ciao!

America, You Rock.

Parades, Most incredible Fireworks EVER, Freedom, Barbecues,Family. What more could you ask for? Our country is incredible. The End. Oh, and of course, If you're reading this, Aunt America, You rock my world too! Love you!

That's Life

Sometimes, I feel like this. (its a link. click the word 'this', please) Why do we unnecessarily complicate things? Not only with extraneous things like mathematics, but every element of life. Why do people complicate things? Say things they don't mean? Why can't people just be honest? Why must we always shroud our true feelings? It infuriates me like nobody's business. Do you ever have those days where you feel like your stress level has reached critical mass, but the dam keeps overflowing and spilling on you, with no regard to the fact that you could literally burst and annihilate all the villagers in the gully below at any given time? yeah. That has been my entire week thus far. I've been wrestling with critical decisions, dealing but mostly not dealing with idiotic men, I feel like I don't know who my friends are anymore, family drama, financial problems, traumatic and critical medical situations with a mother figure and I feel like my arms are tied and there's nothing I can do, and then you throw in the typical "Kade, breathe and stop bludgeoning your brother, Drew don't throw THAT in the toilet, Drew you can't run outside naked!, Riley, Is THAT even necessary?, Candy is NOT a breakfast food, Wow Drew! what a great use of your creativity! But Let's eat the cheese balls, not make a mosaic on your mother's wall, ok? ' and i swear, if I have to say pee or poop one more time...this dang dam is going to break.

So if anyone knows me well, they know that I am my own therapist on call. I need to keep breathing, realize that this is life, and keep moving forward. But most importantly, I need to keep focused on my mission, keep studying, praying like crazy, and breathe some more. Clark, my best friend, is coming home in a few days, I'm getting mission pictures taken, I have the rest of the week off to regroup and maybe muster up some courage of my own, so all in all, it will be okay. Until then readers, here's hoping that my dam or yours doesn't break anytime soon. and I keep watching this awesome mormon messages video. Love it! Click and enjoy! Much love, readers! Ciao.

Road Trip(s)!

Many exciting things have happened since I wrote last. I went to California, played on the beach and soaked up some of the sun's rays, had a blast in Disneyland, went to Neverland on the Peter Pan ride, barely escaped the clutches ghastly ghosts, pesky pirates, snakes, broken haunted elevators, enraged natives, man eating piranhas, crowds, abominable snowmen, and of course, the temple of doom. Oh and careened off a huge raging waterfall into a brier patch several times. The perfect day in Disneyland ended with fireworks (my favorite), getting hit on, eating a massive cookie in pooh corner and catching a bus back to our hotel wetter than a drowned rats. All in all, it was epic.

The best part was going with Natalie and her adorable children. Her kids had never been to the fantastical, magical place. So seeing their reactions the whole time was absolutely wonderful. It made me reflect a lot about my future, things I wanted to do with my children, things I wanted them to experience, things I wanted to teach them. I am so excited for that day when I finally get to do those things with them, watch them experience the magic and wonder of childhood. And although my baby hunger was hardly ever satiated while waltzing all around strollerland for days on end, I knew that one day my time would come. Someday. But now is not that time. I have many things to learn and experience, relationships to foster, people to meet teach,and grow from, mountains of homework looming in the distance,hands to hold and lift, places to see and crazy things to experience. There's a pang in my heart not knowing when that day will finally arrive because the thought and prospect of a family of my very own keeps me going when I'm wading through the muck of the world. But it'll come. Plus I'm still a baby. 20? Come on! I've got a lot of life to live. Moving on.

So after just a few hours being home, I packed my bags again and headed through the beautiful canyons of Zion National Park to Clear Creek Ranch for a Youth For Freedom Conference. Little did I know that this week was going to essentially change my life. I was able to break through barriers that I've built and rebuilt over the years. I've never felt so light, so free, in my entire life. It was absolutely amazing and I'm so excited to return to all of my incredible friends in a few weeks.

...just found this. Figured I'd better post it. haha

Ruminations from a Rainy Afternoon

I love the rain- the smell, walking in it, being soaked to the bone. I especially love cold rain. The icy drops pierce the skin, like bitter tears from heaven, that wash away the filmy residue of the world. I love dancing in it, racing in my puny car as it comes down in droves, standing alone as the drops burst and encompass my shell, drenching me til the cleansing elixir sends ripples through my sullied soul. The rain makes me feel alive. Small. Hopeful. Recommitted. Significant. Like I am a very important part of a watercolor painting God created.

For the first time in a while, I feel that with all that I am. Today, I went and did my dental examination to finish up my mission papers. Everything went smoothly, no cavities to report. I can't tell you how incredibly excited I am.

I made a goal a long time ago that I would have my papers completed by the end of May 2011. After swimming in a sea of doubts, fears, false perceptions and foolish notions, I became tired and didn't feel like I could serve a mission. I kept thinking that church officials would take one look at my papers and dismiss me as a menace, a criminal. Unfit to serve and clearly too mental to preach the word of God. Filling out the papers honestly, truthfully and sincerely has been SO hard. I felt flawed, crazy, impossible. Turning in my papers would be complete and utter submission- A commit-a-phobe's greatest nightmare. The ghosts of my past dwelt in the convoluted crags of my mind, hanging like thick and sickly blankets. I keenly attempted to ignore them, forget their existence, but just like cobwebs, they seemed to only stick around and expand. So, I decided to deal with them. I started my papers to see with my own eyes what I'd have to conquer. I was shocked at the depth and detail I would have to divulge. I felt like I hit another brick wall, like finishing them would be utterly impossible. After attempting to do things by myself, slacking for weeks, and finally realizing that I needed help, I went to those dear friends I love so much and My Father in Heaven for guidance and assistance. The support that I craved so much really was there. I just had to recognize it and ask for it.

Tyson literally had to sit me down and walk me through it. I was able to get through the toughest part for me- re-living and writing a concise version of the nightmare I lived in November. I'm worried about what the church will have me do there, but we'll just have to see what happens. But it was so much easier for me to write it with him there, a quiet, encouraging voice urging me to keep going. I'm so grateful to him, to Moth-er and Fath-er, Terynn,Te, Tasia, sweet family members and so many others cheering here on earth and in heaven to continue to push forward, reach for my dreams and achieve them. I can't tell you how relieved I feel to know that this is really going to happen. I'm going to get my papers done by the end of this month. I'm going to serve Him faithfully for 18 months and for the rest of my life. I'm going to accomplish the things my Father in Heaven would have me do. I'm going to live my dreams and help as many people in this life as I possibly can. My heart is light, happy and full. I have things to offer.

I love people. I love learning about their journeys, triumphs, failures. I love this gospel with all that I am. I know that it is true, that it is as real as the air I breathe. It is the foundation of everything, and is my sure foundation. I love how its shaped and changed my life, and love seeing it work for good in other people's lives. I know what it feels like to dwell in darkness, to be without hope. I want to be able to share the light that can bring His children out of that encompassing void of depression and sin. I know that He is preparing His children to receive the goodness of the gospel and I know that there are people being specifically prepared for what I have to teach them. And I can't wait for the opportunity to finally do so.
I love my Father in Heaven with all of my heart and I know He loves me more than I can comprehend. I have been privileged enough to feel that influence dwell upon me the past couple days and I've never felt so fantastic. I pray that I may be able to keep this spirit alive in my heart, to let it guide my thoughts, actions, convictions, desires, hopes, and dreams. I pray that I can continue to move forward, complete my papers and do the things He'd have me do. I'm excited for the journey ahead and I'm grateful to you for supporting me and cheering me on. Much love, readers. Keep smiling, giving, loving. It brings the greatest joy and blessings. Until next time,

Meet the Robertsons

These adorable terrors are now my life. Aren't they so cute?! Meet the Robertsons, people! From left to right is Kade, who happens to be six years old, a fireball, a music genius, a sweetheart, who happens to have a need for speed. He really really likes driving my car, visiting grandma, going new places (one of which happens to be the library) helping out, and having fun. All the time. Kade is also a flirt. The first day I started working he asked if I was married and had kids of my own. When I said no, he was so upset. "why!? you're so fun! I wish you had kids! Then I'd have cool kids to play with! Yesterday he asked Are you ever going to have a baby? I want to see your baby. Lets just say we have awesome conversations. He is quick to love others and the first day I went home he told his mom I was the best babysitter he's ever had and wants to keep me around forever. The third night he missed me a lot. Essentially it was Kade that helped open the door to the others to like me. We're pretty tight buds. Must be a middle child thing. haha.

Next to Kade is DREW or Drewbee. Every time you ask him how he is he answers I'm two! bahaha He's absolutely way too cute for his own good. Drew has an insatiable need for speed, so he's constantly playing on his scooter, Handy Many ATV (its his bike), jumping off of things, wanting to ride in the car or running to and fro. Drew also likes music, Thomas the Train and anything associated with it, sings often, has quite the attitude that comes out when he starts to dance, is in love with Toy Story and likes to sit and mimic the motorcycles revving across the way at the Kawasaki bike shop. I'm guessing he's going to either be a stunt man, a pro BMX racer, or an accountant. He likes to count as he goes up and down the stairs. (Always starting with 6 of course I.e. siix, one, two, fooaah, free, seeeben, two, free, fooah, five, nine ten!) He also really likes girls. He'll be playing on the playground and just stop and walk up to them, stare at them in awe two inches away from their face and then proceed to chase them all over. A man in the making, right there.

Next to Drewbee is the awesome, adorable, sweet Riley. Riley is 8, is in second grade and is a genius. He's good at everything he touches, especially anything physical. His best friend and sometimes worst enemy is his brother Kade. I don't get to see Ri as much as I'd like to, but that'll soon change when school gets out in a couple weeks. He's also extremely energetic, pretty responsible and an amazing big brother.

All three kids are ADD (most likely ADHD) so its like watching six boys most of the time, but I love them already. This experience is already teaching me so much about how I will be as a future mother. I want to start implementing more structure for things- certain days to go and do things, activities for each day so they don't feel trapped. I'll get a rhythm going. I also have been trying to pace myself. They aren't all going to love and adore me at once, so I have to be patient and keep showing them my love for them in my actions and words. I hope that I can help these kids in different aspects of their life, but I want to be there for them, support them and love them, no matter what happens, no matter who I marry, where I go, the places i see. We'll see what the future holds for these amazing kids. I just want them to know that they are amazing and they have infinite worth. That's my prayer, at least. Here's hoping I wont ruin them! Keep it real readers!

Silly Girl

So you know those days where you feel your heart get wrenched out of your body? That's normal, right?

Again. I'm faced with the sad truth that I am, in fact, a pasty white girl

I know, I know, I know You're probably thinking "Why in HEAVEN'S NAME is Bella on your blog?! ABOMINATION!!! *BOOS and hisses ensue* *pitchforks raise, torches light, teenage girls are locked away* Okay stop thinking. I will explain later. Read on. Ignore this visage for the time being. *ahem* My dear readers, it has been a long time since I've strung a bunch of snarky phrases together into a post, so be prepared for a oh so random and slightly pointless one at that. ha-ha. I have never wanted to be an adorable Asian so bad in my life before today. For the past week, I've seen this sign on the Boulevard seeking to hire people for this new Japanese steakhouse that they are building. I memorized the number on the board outside the restaurant as I drove by and then proceeded to call. An adorable lady answered the phone, told me just to come in and pick up an application then. So today, I got gussied up ( I have a concert tonight you see and I figured it may help my case if I showed up not looking like a total slob from slobtown) and walked along the boulevard to the location of said 'steakhouse in construction'.

After a couple cat calls (I know its hard to believe) I was guided into the restaurant by a somewhat toothless, adorable construction worker. The construction crew started to swarm like flies, trying to sneak a peek at the innocent pretty thing that waltzed into a construction zone in heels. After a few minutes of waiting for the manager to come out, I was able to meet 'kenny', a small Asian man, who handed me an application and told me to fill it out, bring it back and we'd talk. So, I again walked outside back into the fray of onlookers and filled it out. I sat in my car thinking that I didn't have a chance in the world because I've never had any restaurant experience ( I mean, I learn fast, I've had my own bakery, can connect with people really fast and love serving them, but that doesn't mean anything), I wasn't adorable, petite, little and Asian, and I was afraid I didn't say enough. So i went back to Kenny, gave him my application, and he said that he would call and schedule an interview. The restaurant was so beautiful inside, with authentic Japanese decor, a beautiful mirrored mosaic wall, dark wood, and thin sliding walls. It'd be awesome if he calls me back, but until then, I'm going to keep looking. I want to do all that I can to get on this mission and work my hardest to get there. We'll see what happens.

Okay friends. Regard the weird, misplaced picture....NOW. On a random other note, I saw this today and freaked.
(either click on the word "this" or click to see the full image appearing at the beginning of this post) Can you say HOLY GUACAMOLE BATMAN?! Best picture of my week. Hermione will always win. She's naturally awesome. Bella has to get bitten and mutated to even pretend to be awesome. Yeah. Go jump off cliffs, Bella. That'll solve ALL your problems. *rolls eyes* I just proved my utter dorkiness, but hey. Embrace it people .

On another random side note, I'm meeting with my bishop this week to see if I can get started on my mission papers! Its taken a lot to get to this point, but I'm so happy. So happy to be a member of the glorious church and for the opportunity to share it with all I come in contact with on a mission. I can't wait.

Also, my family came into town and loaded up the rest of our things and trekked back up north. We were able to swim, hang out and just have a good time. We were going through a bunch of papers and I found something that I lost a long time ago. "The" List. Its a compilation of dreams, wishes, desires, and random events I want to do before I die. I sat down and created it the summer of '09 with Kristal Kay. It was so great to find and read again. Some of the events included Eating a pickle the size of my shoe, staying the night in a lighthouse, Going to Boston and throwing a tea bag into the harbor, Riding a yak, seeing a mummy, shaking the Prophet's hand, Going to Africa, saving little children, seeing a lion or two, petting a giraffe, and sleeping under the stars on the savanna. I'm excited for the life ahead of me, all that I get to do and the opportunity I have to be the best person I can be. Until then readers, I suggest you pull out your list or make one. There's no excuse to not have an adventure everyday! Go ride a yak! Much love readers!

Actual Hiking Footage, As Promised

Well ladies and gents, I am a woman of my word. Well, at least this time. Here are the actual hiking pictures that I promised. Pretty sick, eh? Enjoy! Thank you, Mister Jones for the fantastic photography skills. You're pretty much awesome.

After I ate it...haha

Misadventures in the Great Unknown AKA Hiking with Tyson

Sight from climbing. Actual hiking footage soon to come!

Do you ever have those days where you encounter endless opportunities to remember how incredibly accident prone you are? Yeah. Today was one of those days. And I have a feeling that I'm going to have the wicked scars to prove it for a heap long time. I awoke early this morning, much to my chagrin, to go on a hike with my broskee Ty and my friends Tasia and Rex. We hopped in the manly Grand Am drove ten miles or so and pulled off on the side of the road. After squeezing our way through some nasty barbed wire, we started on our journey. The beautiful, ominous cliffs loomed in the distance and needless to say, I was kind of nervous. Not marked path. All free climbing. City girl with no climbing experience, who thought 'roughing it' was not showering for a few days and sleeping in a tent. However, the band of explorers I decided to venture on this 'hike' with are practically hippie woodland children, bred to live in the wild, climb like apes and hum as they traipse down gargantuan cliffs. No joke. So, after a clear lapse in judgement, I proceeded down the ravine to begin an exciting adventure that left me more bruised and beaten than a lone summer peach in a rickety chevy pickup.
The ravine was be-speckled with jagged igneous rock, remnants from volcanic eruptions from thousands of years ago. It looked like a scene straight from Lord of the Rings. I was half expecting Gollum to jump out, beat me up, and bite off one of my fingers. Tyson and Tasia took the more difficult and direct route westward, while I walked straight down to swoop around and meet them on the other side. I always manage to make things more difficult than they have to be.
As I was trekking down, I looked over to see where Ty and Taz were positioned to see how much farther I would have to climb. Before I realized what was happening, I was already face down in the rocks, chewing rocks like a bad bran breakfast cereal. Not even ten minutes into our hike and I already biffed it so hard I couldn't remember who my grandparents were. I sat on the ground, laughed at how pathetic it was that I fell in a place that wasn't in any way an understandable place to cut a deep gash in your leg. I was among shale, pebbles, tufts of grass and I was near tears, laughing about my predicament and praying that no one but God witnessed the atrocity of said fall. I got up as nonchalantly as possible in a way only an injured clutz can and tried to proceed forward, trying to forget the pain. I finished my trek down the ravine and swept around to meet the group. We started to free climb upwards. The pain was still seething and I didn't want to walk, let alone start an ascent to my death. okay. I know that was overly dramatic. but you get my point. We were climbing up and through these narrows to get to three peaks. After climbing the sandstone onto a shelf, i stopped, swallowed what little dignity I had left and told them of my embarrassing disaster because my soiled pants (with blood. sheesh) were making said injury worse(and to top it off, I'm a germ-a-phobe), we laughed and bandaged up my leg and continued upward.I found that if I kept moving, I forgot about my pulsating injury. Thank goodness we did A LOT of moving.

I found that climbing constantly had me introspecting and thinking of parallels to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. (for more insight, call the Heather hotline) As we ascended higher, I kept thinking to myself "There is no way I'm getting to the top of this thing! There's no way!" But I kept going, no matter how many times I fell, how many times my feet slid out from under me and I hung in desperation, I trailed at the back of the pack like the fat kid in gym class. I feel bad for the jungle children I hiked with, but they were so great, supportive and fun to hike with. Halfway through, I realized my two week old space phone had disappeared, I nearly got eaten by a tree, and was at the point where I was willing to just sit alone in a hobo chair we found and wait for the others to come and get me. But I hate giving up, throwing my hands in the air and quitting. Its not who I am. Yeah. The hike was definitely more difficult for me. So? If anything, it was motivation for me to keep going. We finally reached the peak about forty-five minutes later, stood on the top and could see everywhere. We could see Sand Hallow, Dixie Downs, everywhere! It was so beautiful. And totally worth it.

We started down climbing off this peak, which I'm sure looked absolutely hilarious, and shouts of exasperation hung in the air. (Ty: okay Heather i want you to put your right foot in the air, hold on this hand hold and jump. H: Ty, not on your life. T: Trust me! It'll be just fine H: Are you kidding me? that's suicide! Really, Ty, Really!?') I couldn't have gotten up or off of that cliff without him, so I am truly in his debt. He was amazing. I love that hairy broskee of mine. So after four hours of hiking, falling down more times than i can count on my appendages on the way down alone, sweeping the ravine for my phone but to no avail, an allergy attack at the end, and being shishkabobed at the end by the awful barbed wire, we loaded ourselves back in the grand am and drove home. On our drive back, I looked down at my raw hands- cut, bleeding and bruised. On my left hand, I looked at my ring, rather smashed from all the climbing, but the words inscribed on the band rang true. "Nothing is impossible." I did it. I climbed it. I didn't die. My phone did, but not me. I felt like I'd been through four bar fights, but the satisfaction that surged through my body at that point was rather profound. I can get through incredibly daunting things, if I know where to put my trust, have a little faith, and look to my support system, Nothing is Impossible. I'm truly grateful for the opportunity I had to go on this hike, to just walk out my front door and try something crazy with some of the most amazing people ever. I woke up early to do something good for me, to have an adventure and do something I've never done before. I failed physically most of the time by the world's standards, but I did my best. I tried. and did pretty darn good all in all. Its an experience I hope to never forget. It was truly awesome.

Here's hoping you go and have an adventure this weekend, learn some things about the greatness within yourself and the things your Father in Heaven has in store for you, and to be surrounded by great influences for good in your life. Live, laugh, and love kids. Adios!

Moe Contenders

Ok people, Here are the three contestants for Moe, my future beloved starfish. * Drum roll please*

Exhibit A

Clearly, the second exhibit, being B

And Last, and certainly not least in this case, Exhibit C.

I'd like to now poll the audience. Which Starfish should I give a loving home? I will deliberate over the popular vote and henceforth go and hunt me down a Moe. Deal? Comment away readers! Here's hoping you're having a fantastic break if you are vacationing. If you are like myself, too poor to leave the house, I hope you are enjoying the immaculate or cobweb filled corners of your brain noggin. I hope you too can have a vacation soon! Much love. Peace, love, all that jazz. Don't lick batteries, recycle, choose the right, shake what yo momma gave ya, embrace today. Adios!